Question about "Kitumba"

The story suffers from overlong scenes (the teaser and the start of Act One are the worst), and some structural wonkiness (e.g. the shuttlecraft decoy, not one element of which is set up earlier, so it comes out of left field).

 

There's some interest in improving the edit; there's even more interest in spending our time, energy, and limited resources on more interesting projects. Shoestring budgets are about making choices--and living with them.

 

I did a stem-to-stern rewrite of Kitumba for New Voyages that I think addressed those issues. Alas, other issues inside the production led to them going another way.

 

So Diplomatic. They should send you to Eminiar VII.

 

Don't share anything upon which you're not comfortable commenting, but I'd be interested in hearing about your changes. It's always fun to consider what might have been.

 

Ha, I have no problem with it, this was the better part of a decade ago. The draft I was handed to work with, for example, didn't introduce the antagonist for 60 pages! I moved him to page 1. The space battles I didn't think really worked. I tried to cut down what we call "briefing room" scenes (i.e., exposition). I tried to have every scene actually be motivated from conflict. I tried to cut down fan service. I'm sure there was more but, like I said, almost a decade ago...

 

Well, rule 1 of screenwriting is you introduce every important character and element in the first act. That;s something a lot of fanfilms still need to grok. Hell,

Spoiler: The Third Man structure

even though he doesn't actually appear until the midpoint twist, Harry Lime appears all through the first half of The Third Man through everyone talking about him even though he's supposed to be dead.

 

Better living through war.

 

Better war through living, I always say!

 

I'd love to read your draft. Because that sounds a helluva lot more interesting than what we ended up with.

 

Carlos' notes were actually incorporated into the script. He was even supposed to be listed as "story editor". JMLs two writer's drafts were very, very bulky to work with. He even repeated scenes verbatim in a few places. It was very interesting to see a writer's mind working there "hmm - that scene might work better here." I also changed the story itself, as I thought a weakling for a Kitumba was not a good place to be at given what we now know about the Klingon Empire.

And, Greg, while we did want to get additional footage of the "spying", what was written into the script was filmed and was in a very early edit. That fixed the issue people have with "beaming up and down constantly". The way it's edited now it seems to all take place in a single day, even within hours. And there doesn't seem to be any reason for people to sneak or be incognito as they just seem to be coming and going easily.

But, it's in the past. And they should be concentrating on getting current episodes out and new ones filmed. (even if I would give my eye teeth to see a "correct" edit - IMO - but it's a waste of resources to devote any time or money to an episode from 09)

 

well,
1. as you say, film and TV are different things, and
2. one can break rules like Hitchcock and Coppola when one has the experience of a Hitchcock or Coppola.

 

There are always exceptions to such rules, but the exceptions rarely work well. We only remember the ones that do.

When objects and significant characters pop up late in the story it's frequently narratively unsatisfying. In Kitumba's example they just throw in this scene where these guys bluesky a solution which leads to the utterly illogical shuttlecraft ploy they pull off. It doesn't work because it feels yanked out of nowhere.

 

Ralph Miller just posted this video from happier times between Vic and James during the filming of Kitumba:

 

Is that a young Matt Bucy at the camera?

 

I believe so!