Postal to open in four theaters; Uwe Boll criticizes you.

[Aragorn]

Everyone's favorite hack director with the biggest delusion about his own greatness is at it again. Uwe Boll, the man who can take a $60 million movie and turn it into a $4.5 million domestic gross, has a new move coming out, which is playing in exactly four theaters this week in the United States. The man who can take plotless nonsense like House of the Dead and BloodRayne and make their narratives even more incoherent and unwatchable is here with Postal, opening opposite Indiana Jones.

Bits and pieces of Boll's angry response to the users of the world wide web are being published on sites all over, but I can't find where it originated. Anyway, the site I pulled this off of says this is his complete rant, minus the unexplainable line breaks:


To all of you writing now about me and the fact that POSTAL is not getting screens. its okay ..its fun kicking a guy nonstop who is on the ground [break] you are all not getting it that i'm the guy who made it against the big hollywood system and you are all only busy to destroy me and finish me up and then you YOU WON WHAT ? the attention of the studios, michael bay .. ????? if you damage me you feel closer to Hollywood ? what is your game plan? you want only movies like JUMPER , SPEED RACER , WHAT HAPPENDS IN VEGAS ...? then keep going and your dreams will be fullfilled. POSTAL makes some very important points ..but you dont wanna see that .... : that Bush used the SEPTEMBER 11 to start a war against a country what had nothing to do with Bin Laden etc.... but this all doesnt matter because you are all busy to THINK that INDIANA JONES or NARNIA are important movies ... but in real they are empty shells of an industry what wants to make money and what wants to keep you looking "escape movies" with nothing in it. in between they are putting some CONTROVERSIAL movies to show that they can do also IMPORTANT movies ...but also this movies are not really critical....they only supporting the system and not showing the big picture. and POSTAL shows the BIG PICTURE ...it nails the absurd situation with all the stupid religions, races and nations we are living in. POSTAL is not accepting bullshit politics. POSTAL has not the opinion that Bush made mistakes - POSTAL has the opinion that it is a scandal that BUSH is not in jail. What happened in America in the last 7 years is the biggest joke since Columbus stepped on that land. but instead of seeing the courage i had in doing that movie against everybody who tried to stop me - you are sitting on your desks and you are working on stories about me ....and my image as the worst director on earth...and you fullfill what your editor wants from you in regards of uwe boll ...or you fullfill what you think makes you a cooler guy in the internet ...and you are not getting it that you are only interested in movies like IRON MAN or HULK or KUNG FU PANDA or the MUMMY 3 because the studios spending 60 mio. $ in advertising to make you interested in NON INTERESTING movies. how many times you wanna keep going in movies only because the TRAILER was so cool and the CGI was so great ?

thanks for reading this uwe boll

 

[JonathonWally]

I'd wonder if Uwe would come here and post in his defense, but he's already been banned from here.

 

[Jim Steele]

I love it when he has a tantrum, the big fucking tool.

It's hilarious how he seems to think his shitty ZOMG 9/11 COMEDAH movie is some great philosophical work of the age.

 

[Roger Wilco]

Boll might have a point there, if the movies he makes himself weren't mindless unsubstantial crap too.

 

[Kegek]

Well, if it makes Boll feel any better; at 33% on RottenTomatoes Postal is the best reviewed film he's ever made according to that website. Link.

And yeah, he does have a point about the studio system. An obvious point; a rather poorly worded point (but I'll let that pass as it isn't his native language); but a point.

 

[MilitaryCoo]

He cracks me up.

Stop Uwe Boll

 

[TheSeeker]

^That's a lot of signatures!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Ah, and that rant is real, is it? It can be authenticated?

 

[ancient]

His crap movies speak for themselves, really. And if they don't get his point across, maybe punching you will.

 

[Sheep]

We recently had Jack Thompson taken out of the proverbial lawyer gene pool. He's looking to get disbarred by the state of Florida for being an asshat (a ton of counts of professional misconduct), for those who don't know.

What will it take to get Uwe Boll removed from the Hollywood gene pool in a similar way?

 

[Aragorn]

^ Maybe we can get Fred Phelps, Jack Thompson and Uwe Boll in a steel cage and have them fight each other to the death.

And yeah, he does have a point about the studio system. An obvious point; a rather poorly worded point (but I'll let that pass as it isn't his native language); but a point.

But when you back up your point by making movies that are even worse than the worst of the studio system, then what point have you made? Even the bottom of the studio barrel will have directors who try to get something out of his or her actors and the script, no matter how painful the final product turns out to be. Boll has the budget to make, if nothing else, movies that should look good, but he blows that from step one. Without his large budgets and name actors willing to slum it for a big paycheck, his movies would be on the level of The Asylum.

 

[God Magnus]

.... but this all doesnt matter because you are all busy to THINK that INDIANA JONES or NARNIA are important movies ... but in real they are empty shells of an industry what wants to make money and what wants to keep you looking "escape movies" with nothing in it.

This is an ironic statement from a guy who mostly makes (bad) video game movie adaptations.

 

[Kegek]

But when you back up your point by making movies that are even worse than the worst of the studio system, then what point have you made?

I don't doubt the lack of credentials of the messenger; I just broadly concur with the studio part of the message. Of course, I've never even made a film, so I have even less credentials than he does...

 

[Goliath]

Well, I actually saw Postal last summer, at FrightFest in London, and I'm a little surprised that it's only opening in four theatres.

Maybe it was the friendly and forgiving festival atmosphere, but I didn't think it was an awful film. By which I mean, it wasn't great, or even particularly good: just not awful. Some of it--not most of it, but some of it--was actually funny.

The major studios take regular dumps in theatres across the country: in fact, they distribute manure like Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo so widely, you'd think they were trying to fertilize the nation's lawns. So I don't understand why distributors would balk at Postal.

^ Maybe we can get Fred Phelps, Jack Thompson and Uwe Boll in a steel cage and have them fight each other to the death.

Since "Raging Boll" actually seems to have some experience as a boxer, I think that's a great idea. In fact, I would pay money to watch him beat both Fred Phelps and Jack Thompson to death with his fists.

 

[dark angel_707]

I like Boll's rants, he is some deluded nut that thinks he makes masterpieces that are killed by a mass conspiracy against him

 

[Worf412]

I'd wonder if Uwe would come here and post in his defense, but he's already been banned from here.

 

[JonathonWally]

I'd wonder if Uwe would come here and post in his defense, but he's already been banned from here.

It's on your resume right under "Angry Pirate" isn't it?

 

[Harvey]

Looks like Postal is down to 25% now. And is still, according to RT, his best reviewed film to date. Got to love it.

 

[AlphaMan]

Having never seen any of his movies, I had no clue as to who this guy was until I looked him up on IMDB. I probably never will see any of his movies. If no one likes him, why is there a thread here about him? Why am I posting?

 

[PsychoPere]

If no one likes him, why is there a thread here about him?

He's crazy, thus fun to mock.