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Pitch terrible ideas for episodes
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MeanJoePhaser
Admiral
"Much Odo About Nothing" (DS9)
Yet another Shakespear theme Trek episode, this time on Deep Space Nine.
"The Big Bad Worf" (TNG)
Worf is assigned to intimidate a trio of uncooperative Tellerite dignitaries.
"The Schizoid Shran" (Enterprise)
Shran's mind is transferred into Archer's body. As usual it ends with "YOU OWE ME ANOTHER ONE, PINK SKIN!"
"Jennerprise" (TNG)
To relieve an ailing Picard, Starfleet assigns a new commanding officer, Captain Jenner, to the ship. Accompanying him is his promicuous stepdaughter Kim, who is actually a Cardassian spy.
"To Heir is Klingon" (TNG)
Gowron "rewards" Picard's past assistance by allowing him to decide which female amongst the Enterprise crew will bear the Chancellor's child and which will DIE!
Yet another Shakespear theme Trek episode, this time on Deep Space Nine.
"The Big Bad Worf" (TNG)
Worf is assigned to intimidate a trio of uncooperative Tellerite dignitaries.
"The Schizoid Shran" (Enterprise)
Shran's mind is transferred into Archer's body. As usual it ends with "YOU OWE ME ANOTHER ONE, PINK SKIN!"
"Jennerprise" (TNG)
To relieve an ailing Picard, Starfleet assigns a new commanding officer, Captain Jenner, to the ship. Accompanying him is his promicuous stepdaughter Kim, who is actually a Cardassian spy.
"To Heir is Klingon" (TNG)
Gowron "rewards" Picard's past assistance by allowing him to decide which female amongst the Enterprise crew will bear the Chancellor's child and which will DIE!
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"Black is Black" (ENT)
Shrann and Mayweather are marooned on a hostile planet together, and must depend upon each other for survival. Shrann is constantly stuttering over his "pink skin" insult, and Mayweather must refrain from whupping him upside the antenna.
"I Want my Baby Back" (ENT)
Part II of the above, wherin Mayweather's mother pesters Archer over subspace to find her son.
Shrann and Mayweather are marooned on a hostile planet together, and must depend upon each other for survival. Shrann is constantly stuttering over his "pink skin" insult, and Mayweather must refrain from whupping him upside the antenna.
"I Want my Baby Back" (ENT)
Part II of the above, wherin Mayweather's mother pesters Archer over subspace to find her son.
MeanJoePhaser
Admiral
"Nothing Solid" (DS9)
Odo investigates a bizarre turns of events that changed everyone else on the station into shapshifters.
"G.I. Janeway" (VOY)
Captain Janeway decides she's out of shape and demands that Tuvok put her through an intensive holodeck boot camp.
"Aimless" (VOY)
After an anomaly damages Voyager's astrometrics lab, the ship must wander aimlessly until they can find somebody to ask directions from.
Dust off some "classics"
"Ship in a Booty" (TNG)
The Enterprise is trapped in the colon of a giant cosmic being when the sensors mistake its anus for the entrance to a wormhole. Will the crew escape in time before sulfide levels reach lethal doses?
"Indemnity Crisis" (TNG)
Geordi LaForge is shocked to discover that his insurance won't replace his damaged V.I.S.O.R.
"Dismember Me" (TNG)
Dr. Crusher keeps losing her body parts and the rest of the crew acts like there's nothing odd going on.
"TRAVISTY" (ENT)
A god-like alien (Special Guest Star Charles Martin Smith) shows Mayweather how different his life would have been if he hadn't joined Starfleet.
"ONLY DOG KNOWS WHY" (ENT)
The crew wakes up to find that Enterprise is adrift in uncharted space and they have no memories of the past 48 hours. The key to unravelling the mystery lies in the mind of the only one unaffected: Porthos.
Odo investigates a bizarre turns of events that changed everyone else on the station into shapshifters.
"G.I. Janeway" (VOY)
Captain Janeway decides she's out of shape and demands that Tuvok put her through an intensive holodeck boot camp.
"Aimless" (VOY)
After an anomaly damages Voyager's astrometrics lab, the ship must wander aimlessly until they can find somebody to ask directions from.
Dust off some "classics"
"Ship in a Booty" (TNG)
The Enterprise is trapped in the colon of a giant cosmic being when the sensors mistake its anus for the entrance to a wormhole. Will the crew escape in time before sulfide levels reach lethal doses?
"Indemnity Crisis" (TNG)
Geordi LaForge is shocked to discover that his insurance won't replace his damaged V.I.S.O.R.
"Dismember Me" (TNG)
Dr. Crusher keeps losing her body parts and the rest of the crew acts like there's nothing odd going on.
"TRAVISTY" (ENT)
A god-like alien (Special Guest Star Charles Martin Smith) shows Mayweather how different his life would have been if he hadn't joined Starfleet.
"ONLY DOG KNOWS WHY" (ENT)
The crew wakes up to find that Enterprise is adrift in uncharted space and they have no memories of the past 48 hours. The key to unravelling the mystery lies in the mind of the only one unaffected: Porthos.
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TOS - "Echolocation" - An experiment with the warp drive causes McCoy to see 'ghosts'. he becomes obsessed and tries to destroy the ship. the ghosts turn out to be echo's' of past crewmen including Pike and April. Chekov and Chapel go on a date.
TNG - "No Place Like Home" - While on an away mission aliens force Ro to live out her favorite book. She must follow the yellow brick road, find Data, Geordi and Worf and find a way back to the Enterprise.
DS9 - "Spawn" - Odo starts acting strange. Suddenly he takes over the Defiant and races to to his homeworld to respawn. somehow Garak, Rom, Ezri and Morn must stop the renegade shape shifter. also Admiral Ross and Nog get drunk and start trouble on Bajor.
Voy - "Borg Treasue Planet" - Neelix tells a story about a lost treasure planet. Using Borg data Seven is convinced she can find the planet which may have a way home for Voyager. also, Tom, Harry and the Dr. are trapped in a holodeck recreation of 'The Doomsday Machine' but no one cares.
Ent - "Impacted Molar" - Archer discovers that Romulan agents have made a clone of the Klingon tyrant Molor and plan to use the clone to send the Klingon Empire into chaos. Malcolm is convinced Romulan clone agents are on Enterprise but everyone is obsessed with a new game called Dom-jot.
TNG - "No Place Like Home" - While on an away mission aliens force Ro to live out her favorite book. She must follow the yellow brick road, find Data, Geordi and Worf and find a way back to the Enterprise.
DS9 - "Spawn" - Odo starts acting strange. Suddenly he takes over the Defiant and races to to his homeworld to respawn. somehow Garak, Rom, Ezri and Morn must stop the renegade shape shifter. also Admiral Ross and Nog get drunk and start trouble on Bajor.
Voy - "Borg Treasue Planet" - Neelix tells a story about a lost treasure planet. Using Borg data Seven is convinced she can find the planet which may have a way home for Voyager. also, Tom, Harry and the Dr. are trapped in a holodeck recreation of 'The Doomsday Machine' but no one cares.
Ent - "Impacted Molar" - Archer discovers that Romulan agents have made a clone of the Klingon tyrant Molor and plan to use the clone to send the Klingon Empire into chaos. Malcolm is convinced Romulan clone agents are on Enterprise but everyone is obsessed with a new game called Dom-jot.
A lot of these are not really that terrible. I especially liked the pitches for episodes from the POV of Porthos or Spot.
This brings to mind another pet-centered episode they could do...
I Feel Fishy
The episode opens in Picard's Ready Room. Music is playing; it's to the tune of "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story. We hear lyrics such as:
"I feel fishy, oh so fishy
I feel fishy, and swishy and bright..."
The door opens and Picard enters, although we don't see his face. His voice expresses his surprise and distaste for the music as he orders the computer to stop playing it. Picard can't imagine how the music started, but assumes it's a computer glitch that Geordi can fix later. The Captain has come to his Ready Room for a break and he sits down, picks up his ever-handy book of Shakespeare plays, and starts to read.
Silence ensues... until the song starts up again. Picard again orders the computer to shut it off. But almost immediately it starts up again, and Picard loses patience, yelling, "Computer, I said OFF, dammit!"
The only sound that can be heard is the quiet glub, glub, glub of the fish in the tank. Or is it? Was that a fishy snicker we just heard?
This episode takes place entirely from the POV of the fish in Picard's Ready Room. Obviously they have figured out how to communicate with the computer to have it play music they like, but what else might they have up their nonexistent sleeves?
This brings to mind another pet-centered episode they could do...
I Feel Fishy
The episode opens in Picard's Ready Room. Music is playing; it's to the tune of "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story. We hear lyrics such as:
"I feel fishy, oh so fishy
I feel fishy, and swishy and bright..."
The door opens and Picard enters, although we don't see his face. His voice expresses his surprise and distaste for the music as he orders the computer to stop playing it. Picard can't imagine how the music started, but assumes it's a computer glitch that Geordi can fix later. The Captain has come to his Ready Room for a break and he sits down, picks up his ever-handy book of Shakespeare plays, and starts to read.
Silence ensues... until the song starts up again. Picard again orders the computer to shut it off. But almost immediately it starts up again, and Picard loses patience, yelling, "Computer, I said OFF, dammit!"
The only sound that can be heard is the quiet glub, glub, glub of the fish in the tank. Or is it? Was that a fishy snicker we just heard?
This episode takes place entirely from the POV of the fish in Picard's Ready Room. Obviously they have figured out how to communicate with the computer to have it play music they like, but what else might they have up their nonexistent sleeves?
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"A Difficult Endeavour" (TNG)
Riker is given command of the USS Endeavour. However, his command comes under jeopardy when Wesely learns from the TrekBBS that the Endeavour probably didn't survive Wolf 359. So, the Borg show up, and there's a court martial and lots of stock footage, so it's like the Menagerie, except with 3000 percent more fanwank.
"A Whale of A Time" (TNG)
After a routine checkup on cetecean ops, a debate starts over whether they're sentient or not. The debate mysteriously ends, and Data makes a shocking revelation. The humpback whales are actually mind control officers sent by the Organians. Meanwhile, Riker tries to learn how to paint on the holodeck, and his tutor is none other than a holographic Bob Ross.
Riker is given command of the USS Endeavour. However, his command comes under jeopardy when Wesely learns from the TrekBBS that the Endeavour probably didn't survive Wolf 359. So, the Borg show up, and there's a court martial and lots of stock footage, so it's like the Menagerie, except with 3000 percent more fanwank.
"A Whale of A Time" (TNG)
After a routine checkup on cetecean ops, a debate starts over whether they're sentient or not. The debate mysteriously ends, and Data makes a shocking revelation. The humpback whales are actually mind control officers sent by the Organians. Meanwhile, Riker tries to learn how to paint on the holodeck, and his tutor is none other than a holographic Bob Ross.
Nardpuncher
Rear Admiral
Didn't read all the previous ones, but a buddy of mine really thought an episode of TNG where the Borg assimilate Q would be a good idea. Ugh!
"Q Balled" (VGR)
Q finally gets Janeway in the sack.
"Q Stick" (DS9)
The Contuum punishes Q by turning him into a dog, and Sisco amuses himself by playing fetch with him.
"Pool Q" (TNG)
A hallucinatory episode where Q casts himself as lifeguard over the Enterprise crew.
"Q Bert" (DS9)
Q becomes trapped in an antique video game in a corner of Quark's bar.
Q finally gets Janeway in the sack.
"Q Stick" (DS9)
The Contuum punishes Q by turning him into a dog, and Sisco amuses himself by playing fetch with him.
"Pool Q" (TNG)
A hallucinatory episode where Q casts himself as lifeguard over the Enterprise crew.
"Q Bert" (DS9)
Q becomes trapped in an antique video game in a corner of Quark's bar.
RobertScorpio
Pariah
TNG
Once I Die
The Enterprise is forcibly boarded by a young humanoid male with incredible powers. Weakened by the interplay between him and the ship's shields, the human reveals that he is fleeing from his father. On his world, children can be killed if it is believed by the parent that the child's powers may increase his own powers. The father arrives on the ship, and a hearing is held. Picard sides with the father, and rules that the young child must be handed over to the father. The father gives a syrupy speech and promises to be a better father. The young boy comes to the bridge, and hugs his father. Upon hugging his son, the father pulls out a knife and slits the throat of his son and asborbs his powers..leaving the young boy's dead body on the Enterprise's bridge.
Picard laments the events, but tells the crew that this has only strengthened his belief in the Prime Directive..
Rob
Once I Die
The Enterprise is forcibly boarded by a young humanoid male with incredible powers. Weakened by the interplay between him and the ship's shields, the human reveals that he is fleeing from his father. On his world, children can be killed if it is believed by the parent that the child's powers may increase his own powers. The father arrives on the ship, and a hearing is held. Picard sides with the father, and rules that the young child must be handed over to the father. The father gives a syrupy speech and promises to be a better father. The young boy comes to the bridge, and hugs his father. Upon hugging his son, the father pulls out a knife and slits the throat of his son and asborbs his powers..leaving the young boy's dead body on the Enterprise's bridge.
Picard laments the events, but tells the crew that this has only strengthened his belief in the Prime Directive..
Rob
MeanJoePhaser
Admiral
"A Call To Armus" (TNG)
Picard receives crank subspace messages and Data traces the signals back to the homeworld of the "skin of evil" who killed Tasha Yar.
"Die Another Data" (TNG)
Data has his conciousness transferred to an organic body so he can experience death.
"The Upper Crust" (TNG)
Unique look at The Enterprise's superior officers at Starfleet Command. Originally titled "Higher Echelons", but that didn't sound silly enough.
"Whattsa Matter, Q?" (TNG)
A depressed Q pays a visit to the crew, who are in the dark as to why the omnipotent entity is so down.
"Apes and Aspirations" (TNG)
Controversy surrounds the addmittance of a new world into the Federation whose inhabitants look less evolved then they appear. (Yes, another episode about prejudice.)
"Waist Deep Nine" (DS9)
A problem with the replicatiors causes the station to flood.
"Babel, You're The Greatest" (ENT)
Another episode centering around the journey to Babel, a planet that just won't ever be shown.
"Voyager To the Bottom of the Sea" (VOY)
Intense gravimetric forces plunge Voyager into the murky depths of a watery planet.
"Hippocratic Oafs" (VOY)
Janeway obtains alien technology that makes functioning copies of the Voyager's holographic medical officer, only the copies aren't nearly as competent as the original.
Picard receives crank subspace messages and Data traces the signals back to the homeworld of the "skin of evil" who killed Tasha Yar.
"Die Another Data" (TNG)
Data has his conciousness transferred to an organic body so he can experience death.
"The Upper Crust" (TNG)
Unique look at The Enterprise's superior officers at Starfleet Command. Originally titled "Higher Echelons", but that didn't sound silly enough.
"Whattsa Matter, Q?" (TNG)
A depressed Q pays a visit to the crew, who are in the dark as to why the omnipotent entity is so down.
"Apes and Aspirations" (TNG)
Controversy surrounds the addmittance of a new world into the Federation whose inhabitants look less evolved then they appear. (Yes, another episode about prejudice.)
"Waist Deep Nine" (DS9)
A problem with the replicatiors causes the station to flood.
"Babel, You're The Greatest" (ENT)
Another episode centering around the journey to Babel, a planet that just won't ever be shown.
"Voyager To the Bottom of the Sea" (VOY)
Intense gravimetric forces plunge Voyager into the murky depths of a watery planet.
"Hippocratic Oafs" (VOY)
Janeway obtains alien technology that makes functioning copies of the Voyager's holographic medical officer, only the copies aren't nearly as competent as the original.
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"The Early Reed Gets the Worm" - Enterprise, Teleplay by Rick Berman & Brannon Braga
Malcolm thinks he's contracted worms after he cleans up a steaming pile of Porthos poo. Little does he know, the worms are actually Tekellion worms, a highly aggressive species of worms that causes Malcolm's lower intestine to become one giant man-eating worm that eats unsuspecting Enterprise crew members who happen to be too close to Reed's rectum.
"Irish Holiday" - Star Trek: Voyager, Teleplay by Brannon Braga, Based on a Story by Rick Berman & Brannon Braga
In this third part to the highly popular "Fair Haven" trilogy, the Doctor wants to know what it's like to get drunk. So, Paris and Ensign Kim take him to an Irish bar, where the Doctor gets completely hammer and a hilarious bar fight ensues, complete with every Irish stereotype you can think of.
Malcolm thinks he's contracted worms after he cleans up a steaming pile of Porthos poo. Little does he know, the worms are actually Tekellion worms, a highly aggressive species of worms that causes Malcolm's lower intestine to become one giant man-eating worm that eats unsuspecting Enterprise crew members who happen to be too close to Reed's rectum.
"Irish Holiday" - Star Trek: Voyager, Teleplay by Brannon Braga, Based on a Story by Rick Berman & Brannon Braga
In this third part to the highly popular "Fair Haven" trilogy, the Doctor wants to know what it's like to get drunk. So, Paris and Ensign Kim take him to an Irish bar, where the Doctor gets completely hammer and a hilarious bar fight ensues, complete with every Irish stereotype you can think of.
RobertScorpio
Pariah
More episodes
Reader's Disgest-Voy..the crew comes to a planet where the society gets their news from quick sound bites no more than three words in length.
$19.95 Quagmire-DS9..the Defiant has problems in Gamma Quadrant and ends up orbit of a planet that sells everything, every part, every food item, only over the air..and everything is $19.95
A nun, an Indian chief and a Frog...TNG. Picard and company come to a planet, and the away team is stranded. The only way off of the planet is for Picard to beam down a very unique combination of three crew members...so as to solve the joke that keeps being repeated through the episode...
Rob
Reader's Disgest-Voy..the crew comes to a planet where the society gets their news from quick sound bites no more than three words in length.
$19.95 Quagmire-DS9..the Defiant has problems in Gamma Quadrant and ends up orbit of a planet that sells everything, every part, every food item, only over the air..and everything is $19.95
A nun, an Indian chief and a Frog...TNG. Picard and company come to a planet, and the away team is stranded. The only way off of the planet is for Picard to beam down a very unique combination of three crew members...so as to solve the joke that keeps being repeated through the episode...
Rob
Federation Poker Tour
T'Pol, Spock, Geordi LaForge, liquidator Brunt, Harry Kim, Seven of Nine and a has-been French singer outsider not named Patrick Bruel playing poker the whole episode. The Vulcans hardly raise an eyebrow. Harry Kim sweats a lot and loses. Brunt and the French guy are sore losers. Seven keeps trying to leave the table because she couldn't care less but she can't lose fast enough although she doesn't try to bluff. High point: she breaks the arm of the French guy.
T'Pol, Spock, Geordi LaForge, liquidator Brunt, Harry Kim, Seven of Nine and a has-been French singer outsider not named Patrick Bruel playing poker the whole episode. The Vulcans hardly raise an eyebrow. Harry Kim sweats a lot and loses. Brunt and the French guy are sore losers. Seven keeps trying to leave the table because she couldn't care less but she can't lose fast enough although she doesn't try to bluff. High point: she breaks the arm of the French guy.
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If you wanted to make that a truely terrible episode, you'd make that a game of strip poker.
Wouldn't it actually make that more interesting?
Oh, that's right, T'Pol and Seven keep their clothes on. But you obviously don't know what Patrick Bruel looks like.
Voyager of Oz
Musical episode of Voyager as The Wizard of Oz - see cast of characters in "Nicknames for the crew" thread page 2 (#27) in Voyager forum.
Sorry, Praetor Shinzon. Great minds... And Voyager fits the envelope much better than TNG.