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Pitch terrible ideas for episodes

"The Proqhets" (DS9)

Q visits DS9 and scoffs at Sisko's position as Emissary. Q investigates the Prophets and reveals that the Celestial Temple is the Q's equivalent of a forgotten old folk's home, populated by extremely elderly and delusional Q (the Prophets). Q tries to convince them (and Sisko) to have them returned to the Continuum where they will be euthanized. Sisko and Kira plead on the behalf of the Prophets, emphasizing their importance on Bajor despite their confused state of old age. The Q decide to spare their elders.
 
Voy: House
Starfleet has a EMH exchange program and Voyager's Doc decided to sign up. In this deal, Voyager got a Mark 4, represented by a Dr. Gregory House.
 
DS9 - "Waiting", the crew and residents of DS9 await election returns of the Federation Presidential election. The results may indicate whether or not the Federation leaves DS9 or stays... Quark serves a lot of drinks and tries to understand 'voting'. Meanwhile, Jake is running for class president and Sisko gives him a civics lesson through the Holodeck Hall of Presidents.

TOS - "The Dearly Departed" - Kirk, Spock, and a specialst return from a landing part - but 2 others are dead. Their surviving friends (ensigns, a leutanant, and a NCO, go through mourning and the funeral. Shatner, Nimoy and Kelly - and most of the cast - get a week vacation, and Koeing has a nearly starring role.
 
"Shield"

Prologue: In the 21st century, Detective "Dutch" Wagenbach of the LAPD arrests Vic Mackey...for crimes he's going to commit.... :lol:

Centuries later, Dutch's descendant - Lieutenant Ducane of the USS Relativity - investigates a rash of apparently unauthorized time jumps and tracks them to his own vessel. He discovers them to be the work of Captain Braxton, who is working undercover as the man known to 22nd-century Starfleet as "Future Guy". Realizing that this is how history is supposed to be fulfilled, and not wanting to risk changing the timeline, Ducane decides to remain silent.
 
TOS - "Mr. Moustache" - An alien virus causes the crew to sing their inner most thoughts and feelings. also, Chekov grows a moustache. somehow, the two events are connected to Chekov's old imaginary friend.

TNG - "Nine Lives" - Data and Geordi construct a universal translator for Spot. in a strange coincidence Spot must use the translator after Romulans take over the Enterprise and save the day.

DS9 - "If These Walls Could Talk" - Trying to catch Quark's ultimate scheme, Odo changes into a chair and after a system malfunction, can not unshift. all the characters come and go, sitting on Odo having typical conversations yada yada yada.

Voy - "Bouncing Baby Borg" - In an accident involving the Replicator and the EMH program part of the Dr. is actually replicated into a cake that Seven eats. later she becomes pregnant and must decide to carry the child or not.

Ent - "Christmas Spirits" - After she is forced to watch "Its a Wonderful Life" with Trip, T'Pol takes stock of her life and wonders what the last four years on Enterprise would be like without her. Special Guest Star: Tom Selleck as T'Pol's long lost father.
 
"Q & A" (TNG)

Suzi Plakson reprises her role as the female Q before it actually happened, as she decides she wants to know what love is all about, and chooses Picard as her test subject. As the title suggests, she spends a great deal of the episode in Fredericks of Betazed lengerie to temp the Captain. But since Picard is incapable of ever having any freaking fun at all, her seductions are to no avail.


On the other hand, who could possibley believe Suzi Plakson couldn't make even a marble statue horny?
 
"I, The Vessal" (TNG)
The Enterprise flys through a surprise energy vortex and Captain Picard seems to be broken to bits, and then reassembled. Picard's 'mind' is put into the 'body of the Enterprise and the Enterprise's 'mind' is put into Picard's body! Watch the hilarity ensue as Picard experiences Warp Acceleration for the first time and as The Enterprise feels awkward walking around inside it's old body.
 
DS9- Miles gone crazy

Miles has the Galosian virus. The usual treatment has a side effect. It gives the victim OCD. So as a result, Miles becomes obsessed with installing a warp core in the station and tries to achieve warp drive.
 
Newspaper Taxi said:
All pitched episodes will be produced, somehow. You can choose which series you want to bear the terrible burden of your episode.

"Blade in Hand." (TNG.)
This episode takes a heavy-handed allegorical take on modern gun-law problems and second amendment rights. However, they do this through a race of Ninja-aleins who only use bladed weapons. Yet they awkwardly try to plough on, getting their muddled point across.

"Standstill." (VOY.)
Nelix has been annoying everyone. Tuvok realizes at one point that maybe something is wrong with Nelix. Voyager trades medical records with a Delta Quadrent species, as this sector is known for it's poisons. This medical data has a wealth of information on Talaxian Physiology. Tuvok and the EMH look over it and find out that Nexlis has ADD by Talaxian standards. They try to get Nelix to take it...and he does, for awhile. And he's not annoying. But then he feels as if it's changing him...and the crew faces an ethical delima.

"The Man behind the curtain" (TOS; Season 3)
Kirk and Spock and company com across a planet where the natural inhabitants are all invisible. While interacting with the planet everybody turns invisible! But they can't see their fellow crewmen because they're also invisible to each other. 80% of the episode is devoid of human or alein actors and is just voice overs. Luckily, flakey science saves the day somehow.

"Point of No Return." (VOY)
A sequel to Threshhold. The Lizard children that Tom Paris and Janeway gave birth two continued to evolve at a fast pace and have become a massive empire within just a few short years. The Lizards kidnap Tom and Janeway, seeing them as their Gods, and sally forth onto war with the Galaxy. Their children are wreckless, though, and try to egg the Voth onto war. How will mama and papa get their children to behave?

"St. Valentine's Day." (ENT; early seasons.)
It's Valentine's Day on Enterprise and awkward juvenile romance ensues.
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Great thread..and I liked all of them because they were so bad...MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN would be the worst, and best..Jimmy Doohan could have done all the other voices other than the regulars.

AND!!..you could have had that first same sex male kiss (a dream of many on this board) and gotten away with it because..duh..it would have been invisible!!!

Rob
 
The Last Reunion

A CHEKOV centric episode...

Chekov visits Odella Prime for a reunion with his classmated from te academy. Upon arriving he meets up with his old flame, Liane. As it turns out, she has a son who is austistic. She doesn't have the funds to get her son the treatment that he needs. So Chekov, and the other classmates, all enter a contest on Odella Prime.

The contest? Tap-dancing. Turns out that Chekov and his friends were great tap dancers..so they enter the contest..and win!!! The boy will get his treatment and the girl is forever thankful to chekov..

Rob
 
"Root for the Home Team" (DS9) The Terran rebels from the mirror universe gain the upper hand and rebuild the empire while annihilating the alliance meanwhile a renegade alliance fleet travels through the wormhole, due to a phase variance wind up in our universe. The crew of DS9 debate on what to do with the fleet.

"Lest We Never Forget Our Sins" parts I and II (VOY) The Kazon Nistrim recreate a warp 10 flight and evolve into a hyper intelligent, hyper violent, species bent on conquering the delta quadrant. The warp 10 Kazon use warp 10 to catch up with Voyager and during the battle is forced to crash land on a jungle planet. The warp 10 Kazon leave Voyager for dead and in the following years manage to capture most of the quadrant. In the second part an elderly Kim from the future travels back with the means to alter history and make things right by turning the ruins of Voyager's main deflector into a quatum flux resonance chronoton emitter that will reverse time and force the Kazon to devolve back to their original state.

"Counterbalance Point" (ENT) A subspace time distortion field attracted to Enterprise's warp 5 engine pulls the ship into the future as well as the delta quadrant where they meet up with the U.S.S. Voyager after a battle with the Hirogen. The two crews work together to restore Voyager and fend off the Hirogen. They also try to harness the anomaly to get home but something goes wrong and it only works for Enterprise. Both captains agree never to talk to anyone about the incident due to the temporal prime directive.

"These are the Voyages of the Starship Enterprise its Mission to Boldy Go Where No Man Has Gone Before" (ENT) In the last episode of Star Trek Enterprise the Borg from a parallel universe that have assimilated all sentient life in that universe, find a way to our universe, using a quantum flux phase drive, an unintended side effect of the drive is that all the starship Enterprises from history are pulled back to the mid 22nd century and must work together to defeat the Borg. It should be noted that no reset button is pressed at the end of the episode but everyone forgets everything anyway and no mention of the temporal prime directive is made.
 
VOY- Bare Violations
Shots of Seven breast-feeding the Borg baby turned up in the database, and it is up to Tuvok to find who took those pictures illegally.
 
TOS - "A Knight In Sickbay" - Kirk, Spock and McCoy beam down to a planet where Knights search for 'the grail' and the population thinks Kirk is Arthur returned from Avalon. 'the grail' turns out to be a bottle of whiskey McCoy has and refuses to give up. thus follows a ham fisted drinking is bad episode. with a Joust!

TNG - "The House Always Wins" - During a poker game all the players except Data are taken over by non-corporeal aliens. if Data fails to win the game, the Enterprise is destroyed.

DS9 - "The Snuff of Legends" - After a series of rejections Jake questions his ability as a writer. he turns to writing erotic holo-novels. also, Odo thinks Jake is helping Quark make a snuff style Holo-novel.

Voy - "Lava Lamp" - After Voyager lands for repairs as well as shore leave a volcano errupts and covers the ship. Neelix decides to throw a BBQ party. Chakotay learns that the volcano is inhabited by fire spirits from legend and after a spirt walk with them all is well.

Ent - "A Three Hour Tour" - While watching 'Gilligan's Island' a subspace rip causes the crew to become trapped in an episode. Trip, as Gilligan, performs the famous 'To Be Or Not To Be' song.
 
Praetor_Shinzon said:
TOS - "A Knight In Sickbay" - Kirk, Spock and McCoy beam down to a planet where Knights search for 'the grail' and the population thinks Kirk is Arthur returned from Avalon. 'the grail' turns out to be a bottle of whiskey McCoy has and refuses to give up. thus follows a ham fisted drinking is bad episode. with a Joust!

TNG - "The House Always Wins" - During a poker game all the players except Data are taken over by non-corporeal aliens. if Data fails to win the game, the Enterprise is destroyed.

DS9 - "The Snuff of Legends" - After a series of rejections Jake questions his ability as a writer. he turns to writing erotic holo-novels. also, Odo thinks Jake is helping Quark make a snuff style Holo-novel.

Voy - "Lava Lamp" - After Voyager lands for repairs as well as shore leave a volcano errupts and covers the ship. Neelix decides to throw a BBQ party. Chakotay learns that the volcano is inhabited by fire spirits from legend and after a spirt walk with them all is well.

Ent - "A Three Hour Tour" - While watching 'Gilligan's Island' a subspace rip causes the crew to become trapped in an episode. Trip, as Gilligan, performs the famous 'To Be Or Not To Be' song.
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The TNG and DS9 episodes ACTUALLY sound pretty good!!!

Rob
 
The Sand of Time

Kira and Odo crash land on a planet in the gamma quadrant. Kira is badly injured. As it turns out an old Cardassian dude lives there, and he was a great hunter in his day. At first he treats Odo and Kira as guests, but soon reveals that he wants to hunt the greatest prize of all..a changeling. With Kira's life in the balance, ODO must survive a hunt of two days..if he does, the cardassian will give Kira the aide she needs, and let them live..if ODO is hunted down? Both he and Kira will be killed...

He flips over and Time dial, with two days worth of white sand..once the sand is gone, the hunt is over..and ODO wins..

Rob
Scorpio
 
TNG
To Be Doves at Midnight

It is Picard's birthday, and a strange gift is on the desk with all the other presents. The card says "from you know who." The gathered friends of Picard all wonder who the unknown giver is, and what is inside the present. Picard opens it slowly. Inside of the box is an old violin that Picard's uncle one cherrished.

Picard joins Data's quartet and the violin is magical. It allows him to play as good as the best violin players of all time. But, unknown to picard and the others, the chords the violon plays begin to cause a quantim flux around the ship and soon everyone, except picard, are turned into various instruments of an orchestra. Picard must learn to play all of the instruments, as each plays a different part of the mysterious song that is on the sheet music on the conductor's podium.

One by one Picard plays each instrument as he learns each instrument's part. As each instrument is successfully played, it plays by its self...finally at the end Picard plays his violin and the entire orchestra, instruments only,plays along...Picard sheds tears as he listens to the sweet melody. Finally, at the end, the conductor appears. It is Q...who tells him HAPPY BIRTHDAY Jean Luc...

ahhhhh...

Rob
 
The other thing that's awful is that most of the suggested episode titles are better than real titles used on the shows! :lol:
 
Movie # 12
NvJ: Neelix vs. Jar Jar

Neelix and Jar Jar duke it out one on one one more time to decide the final fate of humanity.
No matter who wins, we lose.

VOY
"(Insert Fancy One-Word Title That Gives Away The Whole Episode Here) Pt. 1 & Pt. 2"

Neelix and B'lanna discover that the Borg Queen is their long lost mother and join the collective, sabotaging Voyager's magic stellar cartography sensors as they escape, stealing the Delta Flyer. Meanwhile, the Doctor takes up acting as a hobby and gets into Shakespeare, because Shakespeare plays are the only plays in the future. For some reason, this annoys Seven and Harry, who are trying to repair Cerebro- err, Stellar Cartography. At this point, Harry akwardly tries to start a relationship with Seven. Again. He fails. Again. Janeway demotes him to ensign for violating fraternization regulations, forgetting that he has been and always will be an ensign. Janeway decides to chase after the Borg Queen to get back Neelix and B'lanna, but there is a primitive planet beneath the Borg Queen's pimpmobile and entering orbit would violate the Prime Suggestion.... *cough* err, Prime Directive. So, she has a moral agenda, but decides to go after the Borg Queen anyways, so she can get this crew home. In a daring rescue, she goes with Tuvok and Harry over to the Borg ship, equipped with some of those mp3 player armband holders with LED blinkies in them, which keeps the Borg from noticing them. They barge into the Borg Queen's lair, upload Jeff Goldblum's laptop from Independence Day and hightail it out of there, rescuing Neelix and B'lanna.
Oh, and Kim dies, but he still has 4 regenerations out of 13 left, so it's all cool.

DS9
One Flew Over The Ferengi's Nest

While on vacation in the Gamma Quadrant for no particular reason, Zekk, Quark and their wacky Ferengi friends have gotten into more wacky hijinks! They're captured by a group of maruders, who imprison them unti The Dominion show up. They're guarded only by a single guard, and Rom rallies the prisoners together to go against her. WACKY FERENGI HIJINKS!

ENT
Sweeps Week

A virus makes all the women on board want to get naked and have hot, oily sex with each other. Oh yeah, and Trip dies again. And Seven announces she is returning to the collective.
 
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