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Pitch terrible ideas for episodes

Starfleet sends two long range explorer vessels, Exordium and Terminus ;) ;) ;) to probe beyond the galactic edge. The first thing they find shocks them to the core.

"It's...it's...it's a Starbucks!"
 
"Prophets' Profit" (DS9)

In a back corner of his bar, Quark creates a fake Bajoran temple using a fake Orb he bought on the black market, which he jokingly calls "The Orb of Profits". He sets it up as a point of interest for tourists, with Leeta as a Vanna White style hostess explaining the Bajoran religion to any customers who care. Contributions gladly accepted, of course. Kira suspects a scam and goes to Sisco, the Emissary, asking a favor. Together they go into the wormhole to inform the Prophets of the offense to the Bajoran religion that's going on. The prophets are uncaring, and tell Kira she's too linear.

One night while Quark is polishing the Orb of Profits, it flares brightly and he suddenly finds himself the realm of the Prophets. They assume frightening forms and chastise him in booming, scarey voices and demand he stop his blasphemy. Scared shitless, stunned that the Orb was a real one, Quark repents and closes down his tourist trap. Odo confiscates all the money he made off it.

It's then revealed that Quark's "experience" was created by Sisko and Kira, who beamed him into a holosuite scenario. They have a good giggle. Just before the end, we see the fake Orb, which Kira has stashed in a closet in her quarters, begin to glow on its own...
 
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^tweaked a bit, it actually could work. It would be better than certain trek episodes.
 
TNG
The Edge of Night

Picard and Data crash land their shuttle on an uncharted planet. The shuttle is resting on the edge of a cliff, and should it fall off the cliff, the shuttle will surely be crushed. Picard is in the back of the shuttle with a broken leg, and Data is in the pilot seat. They come to realize that if they don't shift some of the weight from the front part of the shuttle to the back part, the shuttle will fall off the cliff..the solution? Data must take himself apart...

With no tools to help, Data can take himself apart, but only by piece by piece. First he removes his head so he can observe from Picard's side of the ship. So Picard will be holding Data's head for most the episode...

Meanwhile, Picard will mix in a story about his first time at an Opera, and how bored he was (the story is quite boring as well)...It takes all through the night for data take his legs off and hand them to Picard..and it is working...but an unexpected shift nearly tips the ship over the edge...now too much weight is on the back of the shuttle. They have to put Data back together...but Data's head runs out of Energy and now Picard, with a broken leg, must put Data back together...while Picard puts Data back together, he acts out the plot of the opera and sings the various songs from important parts of the Opera...He is successful!!! The ship is stable and repairs can be made.

With Data reassembled he helps Picard make repairs and they Blast off for the Enterprise, singing the final chorus of the opera..

Rob
 
Voyager is attacked, apparently by a duplicate of itself. The attacking ship sends a hail - Cavit (the original XO from "Caretaker") is in command. It soon becomes clear that every crewmember on the alternate ship is one who was killed on the real one - Cavit, the original Doctor and Chief Engineer, Carey, Stadi, Pete Durst, etc. - and they want revenge for their own deaths...
 
DS9
The Shadow of my Brother

Martok and Quark ride in a turbo-lift together. No words are spoken since they don't really care for each other..when suddenly DS9 is rocked by some kind of explosion. Dax informs Sisko that one of the docking platforms has been stuck by a docking ship, causing malfunctions on DS9.

Quark and Martok are stuck in the Turbolift, and Martok, injured by falling debris in the turbolift, is near death. It will take the DS9 crew at least two hours to get to them, so they have to hold on. (the transporters are off line of course).

Martok is still awake. And he and Quark exchange the usual barbs,but it becomes apparent that the klingon isn't going to make it. Martok informs Quark that he must do the Klingon death howl upon Martok's death. Quark reminds Martok that he, Quark, isn't a Klingon. Martok takes his knife and grabs Quarks arm and cuts it, then smears Quarks blood on the open wound on his chest.

"We are now blood brothers" Martok informs Quark.

As Martok drifts in and out of coherence, he tells the story of his brother Quark....how he learned much from his brother, and how much he missed him. (all of this is just delusions)...Marktok almost dies, but the rescue team arrives, with Sisko leading the effort of course, and Bashir is able to save Martok..

At the end, Quark comes in and Martok is back to his old ways..hating Quark. They exchange some barbs, and just as Quark leaves, Martok calls out to him. Martok, making sure no one else is around, thanks Quark for saving his life, and asks if Quark would have done the Howl had Martok died. Quark smiles and walks out.

Rob
 
"Neck and Neck" (TNG) The crew of the Enterprise-D is celebrating the launch of their new sister ship the Yamato B however Maquis agents have infiltrated their ship and hijack the battle section taking it to Cardassian space to aid their fellow Maquis. The Enterprise must pursue the stolen ship into hostile space. The Maquis have one last trick up their sleeve a phase cloaking device. The Maquis activate the phase cloaking device and ram the Enterprise the two ships then fuse at the interconnecting dorsal, and the two crews must put aside their differences to escape Cardassian space.

"E^3" (ENT) Enterprise hits a fluxuating quantum cascading fissure and is duplicated infinitely on top of one another except for T'pol and Archer. The two must put aside their differences and in order to get things back to normal they must create enough quantum entropy by killing Trip on each Enterprise duplicate.

"Bandwidth" (ENT) The crew is testing a new feature on the transporter that makes it safer. The crew decides to beam down 15 redshirts to the science planet that is helping them. During the experiment something goes horribly wrong and only one materializes. It turns out that 14 of the redshirts ended up being transferred to a computer on the planet, however they only have enough power to bring back 5 people. Now Archer must decide who lives and who dies.

"Deus Ex machina" (ENT) While visiting a war torn planet the crew is advised to use the transporter instead of a shuttle as a shuttle will be shot down by the enemy. The aliens hit Enterprise with a quatum flux cannon during transport sending the minds of Mayweather, Reed, Hoshi, and Doctor Phlox into battle droids down on the planet and are drafted into the war. Now Archer and Trip must work against the clock to restore their abducted crewmen before they are destroyed in battle.
 
Leroy said:
"Neck and Neck" (TNG) The crew of the Enterprise-D is celebrating the launch of their new sister ship the Yamato B however Maquis agents have infiltrated their ship and hijack the battle section taking it to Cardassian space to aid their fellow Maquis. The Enterprise must pursue the stolen ship into hostile space. The Maquis have one last trick up their sleeve a phase cloaking device. The Maquis activate the phase cloaking device and ram the Enterprise the two ships then fuse at the interconnecting dorsal, and the two crews must put aside their differences to escape Cardassian space.

"E^3" (ENT) Enterprise hits a fluxuating quantum cascading fissure and is duplicated infinitely on top of one another except for T'pol and Archer. The two must put aside their differences and in order to get things back to normal they must create enough quantum entropy by killing Trip on each Enterprise duplicate.

"Bandwidth" (ENT) The crew is testing a new feature on the transporter that makes it safer. The crew decides to beam down 15 redshirts to the science planet that is helping them. During the experiment something goes horribly wrong and only one materializes. It turns out that 14 of the redshirts ended up being transferred to a computer on the planet, however they only have enough power to bring back 5 people. Now Archer must decide who lives and who dies.

"Deus Ex machina" (ENT) While visiting a war torn planet the crew is advised to use the transporter instead of a shuttle as a shuttle will be shot down by the enemy. The aliens hit Enterprise with a quatum flux cannon during transport sending the minds of Mayweather, Reed, Hoshi, and Doctor Phlox into battle droids down on the planet and are drafted into the war. Now Archer and Trip must work against the clock to restore their abducted crewmen before they are destroyed in battle.
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Some of these are so bad, they are good!!! I like all of them..great job!

Rob
 
The NX-01 is attacked by the Illyrians ("Damage") who want revenge for Archer stealing their ship's warpcore. During this we learn that the Illyrians are actually Cardassians in disguise.

* * * * *

After Voyager returns home to the Alpha Quadrant, Janeway goes to the holodeck to say goodbye to her holographic boyfriend. She finds that the entire Fair Haven holodeck program has been erased from the system - there is no record of it even having existed at all. Q appears and informs her that he has taken Fair Haven out of the system, sent it into the distant past (the setting of the program) and made it real. He smugly reveals that half of the Voyager crew are descendants of the townspeople. So without having created the program that was so widely hated (by fans), the crew would never exist. :lol:
 
Rainbow Kids (TOS)
Kirk and crew come to a planet where children must prove themselves in life-or-death combat at the age of 12. Kirk and company find it barbaric, but Spock doesn't. Eventually Kirk fights the Chief of the village, risking his own life. If he wins, the fighting age must be raised to 25, if he loses, Kirk is dead. Kirk wins, the law is changed, and Spock and McCoy argue over the merits of what has happened when they are back on the ship

Coming of Age (TNG)
Wesley, at the Academy, walks into the room he shares with his friend, and finds out that his best friend, Derrick, is gay (he finds Derrick in bed with another man). In the 24th century this is not an issue, unless your parents still adhere to the Christain faith. Derrick wants to come out of the closet to his family and friends, but is torn between the truth and respect of his parents. Derrick's parents arrive unexpectedly at the academy to visit, but while visiting there is a fire. It nearly destroys the Academy, and severly burns Derrick. Derrick can not be saved, he is going to die.

His parents are at his bed side as when Derrick's male friend visits. Derrick, barely alive, reveals his secret life to his parents, (Wesley is there as well). Instead of compassion they bitterly tell their son he was burned in the fire because of his sinning lifestyle. His parents leave, in outward disgust of their son, who is near death. Wesley confronts the parents in the lobby, and tells them that he too is gay. And that it isn't a sin. They look at him with contempt and warn him that his life, his soul, will be judged as well..and the parents leave.

Ace (DS9)
Bashir and Obrion are fighter pilots in Word War II, thanks to Quark's holosuit. There is a malfunction (of course) and the situation in the holosuit is real..the safety features are off line. In order to get through the progam they must survive their mission; protecting bombers that are flying over Nazi Germany. Both must show off their flying skills, and do. And they barely survive. B PLOT..Jake and Nog get drunk and get in a fight with teenaged Klingons. Sisko teaches his son a lesson by making him stay the night in the detention cell under the watchful eye of Odo.

Rob
 
"E^3" (ENT) Enterprise hits a fluxuating quantum cascading fissure and is duplicated infinitely on top of one another except for T'pol and Archer. The two must put aside their differences and in order to get things back to normal they must create enough quantum entropy by killing Trip on each Enterprise duplicate.
Click to expand...

:guffaw::guffaw::techman:
 
"Not So Deep as a Well..." (TOS)

Spock is gravely wounded, and as he lies near death, his friends and crewmates gather round to remenisc about him. Yes, it's a clips show, folks. And with a Shakespearean title! Woo! (the script was initially going to be about Kirk, but when Shatner learned he'd be unconscious thru the episode, thus having fewer lines than Nimoy, he refused ;)).
 
TOS
One More Tribble

A fleet of Klingon ships are shown destroying the Tribble home world. The FEDERATION COUNCIL rules that the Tribbles are an endangered spiecies and order Kirk and company to Trexa-7. The Klingons are headed there as well to destroy one of the last major off-homeworld herds of Tribble on Trexa-7.

Kirk's mission is to save the last herd, at all cost. Both sides win as the Klingons are able to destroy most of the herd, but Scotty is able to beam up the surviving Tribble..the Klingons threaten to blow the Enterpise up unless Kirk hands over the last Tribble. But with help from Spock and Scotty, the Enterprise is able to slip past the three Klingon Warships and back into Federation space....Kirk has saved the last Tribble, and all is well again in the universe..

Rob
 
DSN: Estimated Prophet
Through a series of unlikely events, Quark becomes Kai of the Bajoran religion. Hilarity ensues when he starts charging people for the visions they have.
 
TOS: Red
Kirk is walking down a corridor when the Enterprise is attacked by Klingons. A vat full of ketchup being transported by a galley staff member falls on Kirk, rendering Kirk's shirt red. Suddenly, the Klingons board the Enterprise in middle of a bloddy battle, phaser fire and falling derbis all over the place but before Kirk can report to the bridge to save the day, he must first scramble all the way to his quarters and change his shirt so he won't be killed.
 
"Sentience" (VOY) The ship makes contact with a planet whose inhabitants are composed primarily of nanites. A renegade from the planet infects the ships shuttlecraft including the Delta Flyer with a virus, making them sentient. The Delta Flyer demands that the crew modify them with the ability to convert into humanoid form and help them find a homeworld of their own. Janeway is conflicted she doesn't want to lose her compliment of shuttlecraft as they have no means of replacements. The Doctor points out that if Janeway denies the shuttles their rights she might as well deny his own.

"Eye for an Eye" (VOY) Voyager comes under vicious assualt by the Vidiians and most of the crew has their left eye stolen. Janeway must put the ship at great risk to retrieve the crews stolen organs.

"Valdore" (ENT) A Romulan warship from the future carrying a thalaron radiation weapon crashes on a planet in the mid 22nd century, Ensign Daniels demands Archer risk the ship in order to prevent pollution of the timeline. Now Enterprise must battle a rogue freighter captain, the Tholians, the Romulans, and the Suliban, in order to prevent them from unleashing a weapon of mass destruction.
 
^ The sad bit is that maybe true, but that's part of the fun come up with an ep that's absurd but at the same time makes more sense than what we ended up with. I actually wrote Valdore into a script for a high school english project I made sure to write in plenty of mistakes and continuity errors just like the real thing.:lol:
 
Leroy said:
^ The sad bit is that maybe true, but that's part of the fun come up with an ep that's absurd but at the same time makes more sense than what we ended up with. I actually wrote Valdore into a script for a high school english project I made sure to write in plenty of mistakes and continuity errors just like the real thing.:lol:
Click to expand...

LOL..you should post it..it was quite good here as a spec!

Rob
 
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