It kind of makes the "retrofitting" of Picard's Attached confession of I was in love with you while Jack was alive feel a little bit deeper. Like, maybe all that guilt he harbored wasn't really over Jack's death at all.
Maybe what he felt guilty for was the fact that he had fallen in love with his best friend's wife, and then his best friend died while under his command, and maybe there was a part of him that was like...oh shit, Beverly's single.
I think he did feel bad about Jack's death. I think he had regrets and asked himself a lot of what-ifs. But I was never sure he felt guilty, because I think that would imply that he believed he'd done the wrong thing as a CO. And I don't think he believed that. They all knew the risks and I assume that he felt that he'd done what he needed to do, and that it was a terrible choice, and the outcome certainly traumatized him...
But I think the guilt was more about his feelings about Beverly and how that made him feel that he was betraying Jack.
No wonder he was so ?!?! when she showed up on the Enterprise.
And just to bookend the thought, when he tells her he doesn't have those feelings anymore in Attached, I think he believed that was the truth when he said it. I think he'd been working pretty hard over the years of working alongside her he had convinced himself it was the truth. And I think what happened once he'd said it and she was like haha yeah we're friends now, he was like wait no and then that's how he finds himself in the ending scene being like so let's maybe think about this...and for once actually puts his ass out there...
And I never took her reaction to be a firm no. I think she was getting a little emotional whiplash because he just told her he wasn't in love with her anymore and why would she not believe him? But now he's like, lol jk.
I mean, there's a whole layer of what was Beverly Crushing thinking and feeling all that time that we just don't know. Did she have feelings for him when Jack was alive, too? Did it happen only after she'd come to the Enterprise? Did she ever really even admit to those feelings for him (was that what she "wanted to tell him" all those times she never got to say what she said she had to say...).
*sigh* Anyway, I guess that's what fanfic is for, right?
Maybe what he felt guilty for was the fact that he had fallen in love with his best friend's wife, and then his best friend died while under his command, and maybe there was a part of him that was like...oh shit, Beverly's single.
I think he did feel bad about Jack's death. I think he had regrets and asked himself a lot of what-ifs. But I was never sure he felt guilty, because I think that would imply that he believed he'd done the wrong thing as a CO. And I don't think he believed that. They all knew the risks and I assume that he felt that he'd done what he needed to do, and that it was a terrible choice, and the outcome certainly traumatized him...
But I think the guilt was more about his feelings about Beverly and how that made him feel that he was betraying Jack.
No wonder he was so ?!?! when she showed up on the Enterprise.
And just to bookend the thought, when he tells her he doesn't have those feelings anymore in Attached, I think he believed that was the truth when he said it. I think he'd been working pretty hard over the years of working alongside her he had convinced himself it was the truth. And I think what happened once he'd said it and she was like haha yeah we're friends now, he was like wait no and then that's how he finds himself in the ending scene being like so let's maybe think about this...and for once actually puts his ass out there...
And I never took her reaction to be a firm no. I think she was getting a little emotional whiplash because he just told her he wasn't in love with her anymore and why would she not believe him? But now he's like, lol jk.
I mean, there's a whole layer of what was Beverly Crushing thinking and feeling all that time that we just don't know. Did she have feelings for him when Jack was alive, too? Did it happen only after she'd come to the Enterprise? Did she ever really even admit to those feelings for him (was that what she "wanted to tell him" all those times she never got to say what she said she had to say...).
*sigh* Anyway, I guess that's what fanfic is for, right?
