Open Letter Thread

[Gryffindorian]

^ (Glad you kids are ok. I admit I was a little worried there.)



Dear Cereal Makers,

You had me at hello. Now I can't seem to get enough of your Fruit Loops, Corn Pops, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Boo Berry, Cookie Crisp or Chex. I am hopeless without your crunchy milky goodness at least twice a day.

But I hate you. My widening diabetic ass does not need me eating any more of your vitamin fortified wares. If the sugar doesn't kill me the fat and cholesterol from the milk will.

So this is your notice... I will quit you. At this point I have no choice. I apologize in advance for not putting anymore of your kids through college through my addiction to your sugar frosted puffed items. I hope you find another prolific customer.

-AS

*Hugs* from one diabetic chap to another.

Hey, if diabetic chaps are hugging, then <<HUG>> and maybe a <<SQUEEZE>>.

The more, the merrier!

 

[MetalPants]

^ MP, could we possibly have the same friend in common?

Nah, she's not a drama queen. She just has trouble being happy, or at least that's how I percieve her.

 

[RonSexton]

Dear City of Chicago,
Why wont you improve that 100 year old train line you call mass transit? The City of Chicago could be so much more it it had a new and modern rail-line for people. One that doesnt give people whiplash because the computer has to slam on the brakes every 2-4 seconds as it goes over a bad area on the tracks. Come to think of it, They need to build a bullet train that goes north out of Chicago up thru Milwaukee, then Oshkosh, Appleton, and then Green Bay. Then I could take the bullet train down to Chicago and go to a Cubs game and get back to North Central Wisconsin all in one day without having to drive. This way I can stay drunk...

 

[F. King Daniel]

Dear bearcat,


Dude, it's only a movie. Try to relax a little bit.


-Daniel

 

[Vulcan Princess]

Dear Professor,

You seemed genuinely happy to see me when I came to your office hours to get help in your class. You always tried to make small talk to extend our conversations after we had finished discussing the finer points of legal writing. You let me in on the faculty gossip. You told me that I'm a great writer. You gave an eloquent speech to the whole class on the last day saying that we should all consider you a part of our professional network. You made a big deal out of the fact that you have never turned down anyone's request for a letter of recommendation.

So, forgive me for taking that statement at face value. However, I do have one question for you. What's your deal? Why wouldn't you write the letter? I know you gave me the socially acceptable excuse that you were already recommending another student for the same position. But come on, seriously. I know you don't like him. (Faculty gossip, remember?) Even if it's true that you were writing him a letter, I can't help but think that if you really wanted to recommend me, too, you would have.

You were the first teacher who praised my writing, and that meant a lot to me. It really hurt my feelings that you turned down my request for a letter of recommendation. It makes me wonder if you were sincere in your praise.

Your faculty nemesis wrote a wonderful letter for me. I'll still probably get the clerkship, no thanks to you. You might want to consider revising your end of the semester speech.

Sincerely,
Vulcan Princess

 

[Gryffindorian]

Dear Family,

I don't get it ... Why are you guys celebrating Elainne's (my niece's) birthday today, 09/05, when her birthday is not until tomorrow, Labor Day, Monday, September 6, 2010 A.D.? I realize she was born abroad, and in that time zone it's 15 hours ahead of California (Pacific Time). But she IS here and she LIVES here in the U.S., just like the rest of us. I find these premature festivities rather disturbing.

Love,
Drone

 

[Ood Sigma]

Dear A,

How are you still employed with our company? On a team full of above-average to extraordinary employees, you're sub-par at best and incompetent at worst. You've come into my office so many times asking for "help" that boils down to "I can't figure this out, so do my job for me." At team meetings, you talk over people about unrelated subjects while others are having serious conversations. When you contribute on a shared project, someone always has to go over what you do and fix it for both cosmetic and serious errors.

Another colleague said that you work best when you're told exactly what to do, but if you're given any task that requires creativity or outside-the-box thinking, you're apt not to do as well. That's true, but I think it's being generous. Your best work is still average by most people's standards. It's frustrating being part of a mostly well-oiled machine but finding that one rusty wheel that's always slowing things down.

Oh, and throwing your pen in the air, failing to catch it 50% of the time, and scrambling after it, is irritating as well as unprofessional.

The good thing about our company doing so well is job security for me. The bad thing about it is job security for you. I'm almost convinced that we'd get more work done if you weren't here at all. Addition by subtraction, and all that.

Hope you polish off that resume soon,
-Ood

 

[SicOne]

Dear TrekBBS,

ENOUGH WITH THE POP-UPS! They are annoying as hell!

You're welcome for the feedback.

SicOne

 

[SicOne]

Dear TrekBBS,

ENOUGH WITH THE POP-UPS! They are annoying as hell!

You're welcome for the feedback.

SicOne

"MacGruber"? Really? Jeezus H Christ.

 

[6079SmithW]

Dear Sci-Fi (Oh, sorry, I mean "SyFy") channel:

Your so-called "original movies" are utter crap. Words like God-awful, terrible, pure s***, steaming pile of manure, and failed abortion come to mind, but alas, they are not strong enough to convey just how much raw sewage spews forth from these unholy abominations. You have succeeded in creating an entire new class of movie, the C movie. These movies are so bad that they make any Uwe Boll film look good by comparison. The previous statement so exemplifies how bad these films are that it must be re-stated: YOU MAKE UWE BOLL LOOK GOOD. That is how terrible you truly are.

All this being said, I love you. Sci-Fi channel original movies are the guilty pleasure in my life and I demand more.

Raptor Island? Pterodactyl? These dinosaur movies were so distastefully gory, with so much dinosaur-on-human slaughter, that they make Jurassic Park look like a Saturday morning kid's cartoon in comparison. Let's not forget the tagline for Pterodactyl: Ptowering Pterror! Really? Spelling Win!

Megapirahna? Giant pirahnas leaping out of the water and devastating coastal cities. A must see! Oh and the guy bicycle kicking them as they leap out was just amazing.

Megashark vs Giant Octopus? How can you not watch a movie with this title? And a shark jumping 10,000 feet into the air to bite off an airliners wing is just pure cinematic glory.

Every shark terror movie you produce is so over the top and violent that it would make Jaws piss himself.

I am highly anticipating your newest Shark monster drek, Sharktopus.

So, in short, I love you SyFy channel in all your C-movie goodness. Don't change anything as these movies are extremely entertaining and unintentionally hilarious. Hollywood wishes it could produce movies of this caliber. Don't Change anything.

Yours truly, Smith

 

[Gryffindorian]

Dear Someone,

I know that you are young, and I know that you may like me, but I just can't see you like this anymore ...

Don't call my name. Don't bother me.

Me,
Drone

 

[Gryffindorian]

Dear Frys Electronics,

Where the hell is my refund? You said it would take up to three days to credit it back to my account, but it's been six days already. It's bad enough that I have to put up with your sorry customer service every time I go to your store. Were it not for your wide selection of electronics and for your somewhat decent prices, I wouldn't even bother to visit your Fremont branch.

Sincerely,
Drone

 

[AstroSmurf]

Dear Family-Member,

I am tired of being used. I only go along with it so mom does not find out what a liar and a thief you are. But my patiance is running out and I am about to drop the hatchet on your game. It was my mistake to hide the truth... and I am about to fix that. And I want you to know this is not about revenge. This is about me cutting the cord and letting you stand on your own. At this point, we both have earned that much.

-AS

----------------------------

Dear Universe,

Good call... but you owed me one.

-AS

----------------------------

Dear writers and creators of LOST,

It truly was a wonderful ride. So long now... and thanks for all the myths.

-AS

 

[RandyS]

Dear Gene,

Thanks.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Dear Magnolia Home Entertainment,

Would you just hurry the fuck up and get the last season of MXC released on DVD?

Dear Acorn,

See above, but The Red Green Show seasons 12 thru 15.

- MLB

 

[Gryffindorian]

Dear Big Brother,

I'd like to officially welcome you as a new family member of the Diabetic Club. Dad, Mom, the sisters and I have suspected it all along, and although I'm not saying this is a good thing, I for one am glad that you've taken the first step to taking better care of yourself by FINALLY going to the doctor and getting some lab work done recently.

I realize you must be feeling overwhelmed or a bit saddened by the recent diagnosis and the fact that you're starting to take medications for high blood sugar and high cholesterol (like I and most of our family members do). You've always been very liberal about what you eat and drink--desserts, candy, sodas--and have not been big on exercise, but such lifestyle, combined with our family history, is very risky. You have to make an effort to change and improve your health because you are not getting any younger.

When I was diagnosed last year, I must say I was rather frustrated, although I saw it coming. All these years of exercising--and even taking maintenance drugs for cholesterol--didn't lessen the impact since I wasn't always mindful of what I ate. We live in a country of abundance and a culture of food, and it's not always easy to manage what or how much one eats, but you have to at least try to make better choices concerning your diet and physical fitness.

Love,
Bro

EDIT:

P.S. I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have regarding diabetes. I suggest taking a health seminar offered by your medical provider.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Dear Dad,

I love ya, dude. You are near this side of godhood in my eyes, and always will be.

- your son

 

[STR]

Dear people trying to block the "Ground Zero" mosque:

You do realize, that construction of the new World Trade Center will be completed in 3-4 years, and that this Trade Center (like the original) will house 50,000 workers. If even 1% of those people are practicing Muslims, that's still 500 people, which is more than enough for someone to set up a mosque within the World Trade Center itself.

So please, stop being stupid.

STR

P.S. The Twin Towers had an on-site Mosque too, albeit it was informal, like the Christian and Jewish prayer centers.

EDIT: Coincidentally, the NY Times ran an article today on that very same prayer room. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/11/nyregion/11religion.html?partner=rss&emc=rss

 

[auntiehill]

Dear Staff:

You get your schedule a month in advance. Is it too much to ask that you write it down or, say, I don't know, CHECK it before you log in? And once you log in, when you check that box that provides my number, do you not see the shift time right there in big numbers?

And for God's Sake--you people all have degrees; why the HELL is military time so hard to figure out?

Learn to tell time, dumbasses.

PS...stop blaming other people for your own stupidity.

 

[bluedana]

Dear MB:

I don't enjoy working with you because, while you may in fact be a talented and experienced lawyer, you're are also kind of a massive bitch. The agents don't like you. The paralegals don't like you. I don't like you. All the health mishaps you've had over the last year seem to me to be karmic. You might want to consider that going forward.

I especially don't appreciate it when you treat me like a child, or worse, like the world's most expensively educated legal secretary. You need to knock it off because, to quote David Banner, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry. So far, I've managed to keep my temper and simply get quiet or leave the room when you diva out. But pretty soon, I'm going to go outright ghetto on your ass, and you will cry. That will be pathetic to watch, but also cathartic, both for me and for the entire team who, as I mentioned, don't like you.

There are several things in my life right now which have the capacity to kill me. You're not going to be one of them anymore. So, fair warning -- do not give me a reason to rip you a new one, because I'm on a hair-trigger now.

Your colleague,
bluedana.