Open Letter Thread, Volume XII
- Thread starter Gryffindorian
- Start date
Dear Respiratory System,
Please buck up. I need you to function a little bit better than you have been. Don't want to piss you off; you've been doing a good job in general. I'd just like to, you know, breathe a little better. I've been good to you over the years and haven't inhaled toxins of my own volition. It would really mean a lot to me. Thanks!
Please buck up. I need you to function a little bit better than you have been. Don't want to piss you off; you've been doing a good job in general. I'd just like to, you know, breathe a little better. I've been good to you over the years and haven't inhaled toxins of my own volition. It would really mean a lot to me. Thanks!
Oh, well.
Nice thought but still I think he does really, but in the laws of being 18 ~ you can't tell your Mum she's great!
Well then, i'll say it on his behalf. "Mum, you're the greatest!"
Dear YouTube,
Please quit putting Katy Perry in the 'Related' bar for videos that are in no way related to her. Plus, your new HTML5 player sucks.
Dear Google,
Please quit swallowing every website in existence. You've been doing a good job impersonating Kirby, but it's time to take off the cosplay getup and start acting serious. You got your Gmail in my YouTube, and it does NOT taste good.
Please quit putting Katy Perry in the 'Related' bar for videos that are in no way related to her. Plus, your new HTML5 player sucks.
Dear Google,
Please quit swallowing every website in existence. You've been doing a good job impersonating Kirby, but it's time to take off the cosplay getup and start acting serious. You got your Gmail in my YouTube, and it does NOT taste good.
Dear FIFA World Cup Qualifying Draw people,
Get on with it.
Yours etc.
[name and address withheld]
Get on with it.
Yours etc.
[name and address withheld]
Dear Panera,
I love your selection of sandwiches, salads, and soups, but please stop using these teeth-shattering croutons in your Caesar salad. Croutons are supposed to be "crunchy," not rock-hard.
Your loyal customer,
Gryff
I love your selection of sandwiches, salads, and soups, but please stop using these teeth-shattering croutons in your Caesar salad. Croutons are supposed to be "crunchy," not rock-hard.
Your loyal customer,
Gryff
Dear Squirtlet -
Yes, I know you are cute. But you are not god. I am god. I thought we had reached an understanding about this.
Oh...and by the way, it is never a good idea for a 4 lb dog to attempt to bite her 135 lb master, simply because said master's leg is falling asleep and she had to move it in such a way as to preclude you from using it as a pillow.
Being aware of little tidbits like this is what makes me...well...god. And you...NOT god.
Fight me if you must. But know this: You will lose. And lose HUGE.
Your Yorkie Mom
Yes, I know you are cute. But you are not god. I am god. I thought we had reached an understanding about this.
Oh...and by the way, it is never a good idea for a 4 lb dog to attempt to bite her 135 lb master, simply because said master's leg is falling asleep and she had to move it in such a way as to preclude you from using it as a pillow.
Being aware of little tidbits like this is what makes me...well...god. And you...NOT god.
Fight me if you must. But know this: You will lose. And lose HUGE.
Your Yorkie Mom
Dear Papa John's,
I wish I could quit you.
Signed,
Pizza Addict
I wish I could quit you.
Signed,
Pizza Addict
Dear These Boxes -
I know that normally, These Boxes don't pack themselves. But I'm hoping you will make an exception, just this once.
I promise to not tell anyone - no precedents will be set. I'll even sign a non-disclosure agreement...if you do it just this once.
Thanks so much for your consideration of this matter.
Too Much Crap
I know that normally, These Boxes don't pack themselves. But I'm hoping you will make an exception, just this once.
I promise to not tell anyone - no precedents will be set. I'll even sign a non-disclosure agreement...if you do it just this once.
Thanks so much for your consideration of this matter.
Too Much Crap
Well then, i'll say it on his behalf. "Mum, you're the greatest!"
Oh Gryff, thank you ~ have some pie
This is an actual e-mail I sent to my teenaged niece "Elena," who's been sending me a flurry of e-mails/Facebook messages asking for help with her English homework. It all started with her wanting to know the definitions and some examples of irony, foreshadowing, and inferred questions, which I answered to the best of my ability and with Google's help. Today, she was asking me how to write lead-in questions. 
I honestly don't know what she's studying in school, nor do I know what she's even asking me help for.
I hope that wasn't too harsh. People really need to be independent and self-sufficient to do things themselves and not always rely on others for help. There's a saying, "If you want something done, you've got to do it yourself." There are times we have to find answers for ourselves or come up with our own solutions. Excessive dependence on others only leads to ignorance and incompetence.
I honestly don't know what she's studying in school, nor do I know what she's even asking me help for.I hope that wasn't too harsh. People really need to be independent and self-sufficient to do things themselves and not always rely on others for help. There's a saying, "If you want something done, you've got to do it yourself." There are times we have to find answers for ourselves or come up with our own solutions. Excessive dependence on others only leads to ignorance and incompetence.
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doubleohfive
Fleet Admiral
Yeah, sure ... but how do I say that in Spanish?
"Hola. Me llamo Maria. Soy de la ciudad de Los Angeles."
Dear guy I keep smiling at
Yes, I fancy you, please ignore the guy who told you I'm a lesbian, he only thinks that cos I don't fancy him...
sincerely
spooks
-----
Dear extended family
This is to let you all know I am in fact alive and related to you. Please stop 'forgetting' to invite me to weddings etc.
When I turn up at a funeral, try not to stare at me like that, I'm rather sensitive about my "defect". (it's called Depression, it's not contagious, and it's not a reason for you to blank me in the street)
sadly
spooks
-----
Yes, I fancy you, please ignore the guy who told you I'm a lesbian, he only thinks that cos I don't fancy him...
sincerely
spooks
-----
Dear extended family
This is to let you all know I am in fact alive and related to you. Please stop 'forgetting' to invite me to weddings etc.
When I turn up at a funeral, try not to stare at me like that, I'm rather sensitive about my "defect". (it's called Depression, it's not contagious, and it's not a reason for you to blank me in the street)
sadly
spooks
-----
