Old(er) people, do you have friends?

[RoJoHen]

Forgive me if this is just a jackass thing to say, but I'm curious. I'll be 24 in a couple weeks, and I like to think I have a very large group of friends.

My parents, however, are in the their early 50s, and they have no friends or social life. They are pretty normal people otherwise, but they literally have no one except themselves and my two younger siblings to spend time with. My siblings are both adults (21 and 20) and are only living at home because they're going to local colleges.

For as long as I can remember, neither of my parents have ever had any friends. I understand that being an adult and a parent involves a lot of responsibility and that there might not be a lot of time leftover for friends, but it seems strange to me that they don't even have 1 friend. I'm sure they get along fine with their coworkers, but I'm talking about people you'd see outside of work.

And it makes me more sad that they don't have any friends leftover from their youth. Now, I know that people drift apart and lose touch, but I can't imagine not keeping in contact with at least one or two of my current friends.

Granted, I have more ways to do that: cell phone, text messages, email, facebook, etc. Will I (and my generation) have an easier time retaining lifelong friends because of these technologies?

 

[Finn]

My parents have friends. Actually, they seem less social these days but that's because they now live up in the North Country of New Hampshire where there isn't much to do. But when they still lived where I grew up, they had many friends. They even keep in touch with their old high school friends, planning get-togethers.

 

[teya]

I'm 52 and I have friends.

Damn good thing, too, since I live 3K miles away from any family.

 

[Goji]

I'm probably not old enough to qualify. But my parents do have friends, and they're over at the house frequently. A couple of them in particular. Good people for the most part.

 

[WillsBabe]

I am 43 years old. I suppose that counts as older. Unfortunately, I have very few friends. When I was younger I had a very large group of very, very close friends. Over a period of 18 months or so we all suddenly seemed to drift apart. Since then I have found it hard to make friends and an effort to keep them. I think this is because a lot of people my age are working full time, bringing up children and looking after their own aging parents. There seems to be fewer opportunities to meet people and become social with them. I have been trying hard over the last 3 or 4 years to make friendships and keep them. It's a sad fact of getting older for me that I don't have as many friends as I used to have.

 

[Kemaiku]

I'm nearly 24 and a half, live with my parents and brother. My parents have no friends, contacts or social life, my brother is autistic and only has his group to go to during the day.

I have a few friends online and one best friend in "RL" who I've known for about 12 years.

 

[Flibble]

I'm almost 50, and I have friends. Some I have known for over 30 years and I met through my love of Dr Who and Star Trek.

 

[An Officer]

Friends aren't about age... my aunt is 50 and has an astonishingly large group of friends... and she still clubs and dates like there's no tomorrow. She asks me to accompany her to all the spots when she comes to London, and I usually call it a night when it approaches 3am, while she's still good to go. Attracts folks 20 years younger too! I'm learning it's all about the attitude, and she has a very vibrant positive outlook, and boy can she dance! When I go to those places occasionally, the doormen still ask me: "Where's your aunty?"... My mum and other aunts think we're both nuts to have any business hanging out together socially...

 

[auntiehill]

My mother in law is turning 84 this year, and she still has friends and family members constantly in her life. She lives alone but still sees her friends and neighbors, goes to art class, exercise class, and sees her sister and nieces regularly.

I know, because she's constantly complaining about them to me.

 

[JAG]

I have friends. I don't see them as often as I used to, but they are still there.

 

[Colonel Green]

My parents are in their mid 50s and have 4 or 5 good friends.

 

[RJDiogenes]

I'm 47, and I still have friends. Not as many as I used to, though, and not the kind I travel with or whatever. Some are my age, and some are younger. We mostly keep in touch electronically and go out to dinner periodically. That's mostly because I'm a homebody, to begin with, and I'm determined to spend more time on my Writing and Art as I get older.

 

[Terengo]

I'm 55 and I don't have any friends beyond my wife, but I am aware that this is basically my choice: I am too jealous of my own time, and live too much in my own head, to do the things I'd need to do to have friends. I do a lot of community theater, and have many acquaintances through that, so I'm not isolated, but it's a weird kind of intense 4- to 6-week relationship with people you sometimes never see again.

 

[kissthestar]

I'm 49, and I have a few very close friends whom I've known for decades. Young people have a lot of friends because they do more clubbing and dating and so on. We older folks have been there and done that.

 

[TorontoTrekker]

I'm 41, and have quite a few friends ranging in age from their early 20s to their 70s. That's probably because I work on and attend a large number of science fiction conventions. Convention fandom seems to be fairly close-knit to me, at least here in Toronto - we do a lot of social things outside of conventions as well.

 

[TGTheodore]

I have a huge bunch of friends. Been in theater for 37 years. The circle only gets wider.

Of course, I'm single. Had I married in my 20's and had a family, it would limit my number of friends quite a bit more because my priorities would rightly have been different.

--Ted

 

[Kestra]

My parents have a more active social life than I do.

 

[kimc]

My parents have a more active social life than I do.

I know what you mean! Especially my mom who has retired but has never been busier.

I think some people make a circle of friends in high school or wherever then are content with their clique. Eventually members of the clique start to die or move away and then they're left with no one. I think the trick is to continue to meet people and make new friends throughout your life while keeping your old friends.

 

[nevermore]

My parents have always had plenty of friends. They're still friends with a lot of people I knew when I was little. Hell, they're still friends with their college roommates...

 

[Shatmandu]

I'm 40.

We have friends, but we're so busy with our young kids (our daughter, 4, is a breeze, and the boy, 1, is a pistol), there's not much time to fiddle with them.

Maybe that's what happened to your parents.

Joe, assigning blame