Movie Caption Contest #92: Screening

[Rat Boy]

Don't worry, it's okay to look now, because it's time for another caption contest. First off, as always, let us point and laugh at...

For proving that Scotty's memory still isn't what he thinks it is, our winner is...

"...I know this ship like the back of me hand! Wait... when did I lose me finger?" *CLANG!*

For the sort of return of Uncontrollable Diarrhea McCoy, our winner is...

McCoy: Ah! I just shat my pants and I forgot to put on my depends!

For captioning a picture from a scene that just would have lost all credibility if they put in a Beastie Boys song, our winner is...

Data: Perhaps we should stop for directions.

Picard: I don't need directions.

Data: Captain, we're on the wrong planet!

And for causing about five spit takes, our winner is...

Riker: "I'll never forget the first time I let Data watch me pee ..."
*five spit takes*

And finally for the Photoshop that defies captioning, our winner is...

Congratulations to the winners and here are the updated totals:

Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 42
Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 39
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 31
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 25
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 23
The Laughing Vulcan (Hall of Fame) 20
Outpost4 16
Triskelion 15
Turd Ferguson 15
Diesel Micky Dolenz 12
middyseafort 12
Nebusj 11
scottydog 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
DS9Sega 10
BriGuy 9
zephramc 9
Kegek 8
cultcross 7
Tharpdevenport 7
LeadHead 7
John_Picard 6
Atavachron 6
Herkimer Jitty 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
Alrik 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
Skywalker 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Kirby 4
jptrekker 4
Bad Atom 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
Starpaul20 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
Peach Wookie 3
SeerSGB 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
Mistral 2
captain crow 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
The Squire of Gothos 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
S'Kai 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
BriGuy 1
26138 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1
Civil Shadow 1
Piper 1
T'Boggan 1

Now then, with the new movie hitting theaters, it seemed only fitting to have a screen-themed caption contest. First up, we have the Federation president wondering if it was too late to start Operation Retrieve after Chang digs up some nude photos of Kirk. Second, we have Picard wondering if his fanny joke will go over well with the Duras sisters. Finally, just because I felt like it, we have a picture from TrekCore's rare photos collection, featuring James Doohan about to smash Kim Catrall's face while Nick Meyer looks on. Have at:

 

[Rat Boy]

President: "Dumbasses."

Picard: "You think you can get the breast...I mean best of me, Lursa?"

Meyer: "Look, I told you not to bring up the finger, Kim. Now you've made Jimmy sad."

 

[Captain Crow]

President: I've seen this episode already! What else is on?

Picard: I might surrender to you if you press your boobs together and make out.

Meyer: Alright Kim where did you hide them? You know Jimmy won't act unless he has had at least four of them.

Cattrall: I'm not telling.

Doohan: JIMMY WANT DOUGHNUTS NOW BITCH!

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Thanks for the win!

President: Whelp, looks like Kirk is boned.

Picard: Excuse me, but do you have an Grey Poupon?

Meyer: ...and then they'll rip off the mask of the Klingon and it'll be Colonel West!
Catrall: Don't you think that's a bit Scooby-Doo?

-or-

Catrall: What's my motivation?
Doohan: Mine's to get through this scene and back to craft services!

 

[Skywalker]

Damn, I thought that at least my "this is bat country" one would score me a W. Oh well. Nothing hits me instantaneously with these ones, but I'll try to come up with something.

 

[Triskelion]

Federation President Snowball <thinking>: I'm holding a top-level meeting to prevent an interplanetary incident, and polishing my desk at the same time! Thanks Ronco brass weasel!

Picard: Klingons?
Bator: No, they're real.

Meyer: Um, you didn't see who ate Mr Doohan's Boston creme, did you? It was his....
Cattrall: Mmph?
Doohan: My surrogate baby.

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Federation President: "It's about damn time Lord of the Rings came out on Blu-Ray!

Picard: "My friends in the Cleavage, uh, Klingon Empire will not be pleased!"

Meyer: "Kim, that was kind of cruel."
Cattrall: "Hey, all I did was ask him if he wanted to finger bang me."

 

[Nerys Myk]

MEYER: Look, when he says "Hey Kristi" you just nod and reply "Hey Jimmy". (he's old)

 

[scottydog]

Picard: THERE ARE FOUR BREASTS!

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Magnify.

Helm: Gah!

 

[Shatmandu]

Ah, a win! Very cool.

President: "Damn! How old is Dick Clark, anyway?"

Picard: "I find it hard to believe Geordi doesn't want to come back. He's gay, isn't he?"

Meyer: "Look, just please stop calling them 'Twinkie-Pockets.' They're for tools and such."

Prez: "Either you all farted, or someone turned on the 'Smell-O-Vision' feature on my TV."

President M'Ullet: "You can tell a Klingon's been in your backyard when your garbage can has been licked clean and your dog is pregnant."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

President: "We got this on Bluray? I can't see a thing."

Navigator: "Blublublublublublublublublu...."

Doohan: "Jimmy wanna blow job. Jimmy wanna blow job now!"

Meyer: "Look, just humour him."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Meyer: Okay, Kim. As is tradition with every Star Trek movie, you have to sleep with Doohan before we wrap.

 

[Mistral]

Meyer: "The line is-'Of course, sir.' You'd better get it right, you're keeping Jimmy from his lunch!"

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Meyer: "No, Jimmy. This is Kim. She's new. George hasn't 'opted for the operation.'"

 

[Mistral]

"Picard, we will need another! The last crewman we kidnapped was...inadequate. Perhaps one with larger...parts."

Picard: "Fine, fine, you can have Riker. I'm tired of him breathing down my neck about this chair anyway."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Picard: Klevage... hee-hee.

 

[Mistral]

"I hate these widescreen editions. It always cuts off the tops of everyone's heads. Oh, wait, that was a bat'leth. My bad."

 

[Shatmandu]

President M'Ullet: "Hard to believe they're all raging homosexuals, isn't it?"

Picard: "My friend Will will be joining us on our double-date. He likes bull dykes, so he's with you, one on my right."

 

[SeerSGB]

Doohan: Aye, lassie
Kim: Listen you fat bastard, that was one movie, I was young, I needed the money
Meyer: Kim, calm down, he's in character, he's supposed to be Scottish.