Movie Caption Contest #146: Blu-Ray Blues - Generations

[Rat Boy]

Quit stealing all the hot water, because it's time for another caption contest. First, let's keep the big chair warm for...

For a mental image that'll take several bottles of whiskey to get out, our winner is...

KIRK: Picard????

For either explaining the rest of the movie or the plot to the finale of LOST, our winner is...

Starfleet reports the intruder has slowed to subwarp speeds.

We are three minutes from the movie getting even slower and more confusing.

And for showing that Picard knows a thing or two more than Robau or Pike, our winner is...

PICARD: "I understand, Nero. I'll have our trusted and beloved Lieutenant Smith here fly a shuttle to your ship immediately."

No Photoshopping this week, but congratulations to the winners nonetheless. Obviously, this week we're continuing to go through the Blu-Rays of the movies but when I got this contest together, Trekcore only had Chapters 1 - 4 up, but that won't stop us. Our first two come from the 23rd Century segment at the beginning of the film and both have been riffed on before. As for our next entries, well, they'll speak for themselves. Caption smartly:

 

[Rat Boy]

Scotty: "See you around, lads."

Kirk: "So nice to seem again after...wait a minute. He did it again!"

Harriman: "Did what?"

Kirk: "He took a shit in the captain's chair!"

Chekov: "Dis vay. Avay from Elizabeth Hasselbeck."

Geordi: "YES WORF! Now that asshole Riker owes me fifty strips of latinum."

Riker: "Computer! Remove the plank!"

Soran: "Oh thank God you saved me. I thought I was about to end up in another bad sci-fi movie."

Riker: "Uhh..."

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK: Nice chair, Captain.

But...

How come yours gets an iPod dock...and mine didn't?!

CHEKOV: It's okay. You'll be alright. You just need to get avay from Joy Behar.

Come over here...

Geordi always loved it when Worf somehow managed to contracted holo-scurvy.

SORAN: TANK GIRL...

The attacker...it...it was the bloody Tank Girl.

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK: Nice captain's chair, John.

Can you get laid in it?

 

[Skywalker]

KIRK: Nice captain's chair, John.

Can you get laid in it?

Harriman: "Actually, the hookers won't be here until Tuesday."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Scotty: "What a thoughtful tribute, Captain! They've reproduced that dent from when I dropped a spanner on my engineering console on the old Enterprise!"
Kirk: "Oddly enough, they've also reproduced that stain on my chair from that time Rand dropped her clipboard and bent over to pick it up."

Koenig: "It can't be helped, Whoopi. If they raise the lights any brighter, I look like the Pillsbury Doughboy!"

Soren: "Then she called me a 'pathetic human weakling,' so I called her a 'turtle-headed, bubble-breasted bimbo,' and the next thing I knew, wham! Right in the 'nads!"

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK: Nice captain's chair, John.

Can you get laid in it?

Harriman: "Actually, the hookers won't be here until Tuesday."

KIRK: Amateur.

 

[cooleddie74]

GUINAN: Saigon...I...I can't believe I'm still in SAIGON...

RIKER: I'm Commander William Riker of the Federation starship Enterprise...we heard your distress call and just arrived...do you need medical assistance?

SORAN: No. This blood is just cake icing and my shattered pelvis is just a papier-mache fake...


WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK?!

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Ah-ha! I was wondering where my old Toilet Seat ended up.

Guinan: I need a Doctor!

Chekov: Will you settle for 2 reporters and a weapons officer?

Picard: Crap, the one who actually gets the hat without falling in automatically gets promoted to Captain.

Riker: Who attacked you Doctor?

Soran; Weren't you supposed to have new uniforms for this movie?

Riker: Stop changing the subject.

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK: Nice chair.


Did a free bowl of plomeek broth come with it?


HARRIMAN: With all due respect, sir...


Bite me.

 

[cooleddie74]

CHEKOV: Here...come over to dees bio-bed.

Ve vill have your big, stupid hat healthy in NO TIME.

RIKER: Did you see who attacked you?

SORAN: It all happened so fast...I'm not sure...but...

I'm pretty sure they had rubber prosthetics on their faces...

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Do you think you're ready to be Captain of The Enterprise?

Harriman: Yes Sir, I aim to be taken very seriously as a Captain.

Communications Officer: Sir, Admiral Ferris Bueller is hailing again...

Harriman: SHUT UP!

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: I miss my old chair.
Harriman: Does the old geriatric captain regret retirement...wah!

Guinan: The View...I was on The View!
Chekov: Then ve beamed you back in the nick of time.

Riker: I have no idea where you parked your Lexus, Dr. Soran.

 

[Candlelight]

Kirk: "Ah... the number of yeomen I had in this chair on the nightshift before I became Captain... I'm sure you know all about that?"
Harriman: "Is yeoman another word for hand?"

Guinan: "They actually did it... they went to the moon..."
Chekov: "Take it easy... take it easy..."

Geordi had no idea whether Crusher or Troi would orgasm first but it was sure as hell fun to watch.

Riker: "Don't worry Dr Soran, if I cup them like this you won't die-"
Soran: "WHAT KIND OF MEDICAL SCHOOL DID YOU ATTEND???"

 

[Nerys Myk]

FERRIS: What? Like you were expecting Michael J. Fox or something?

 

[Rat Boy]

Ferris: "Don't worry, if we drive backwards we can roll back the odometer."

Kirk: "Why that's the stupidest...wait a minute, does that actually work?"

 

[Candlelight]

Kirk: "This chair... is offputting"
Harriman: "Why sir? The colour? The texture? The design?"
Kirk: "No, from certain angles it makes me look like I've only got one leg."

 

[Candlelight]

Kirk: "It feels great to be back on the- Scotty, stop pissing on communications."
Scotty: "But I cannae hold it, Captain"

Soran: "It hurts!!!"
Riker: "Don't worry, I can see the head, just one more push."

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Nice haircut.

SORAN: Likewise

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Soran: It burns!
Riker: Sorry.
Crusher: Haven't you given an elderly man a hand job before, commander?! Let me at it before you break it!