Movie Caption Contest #119: Authority Figures

[Rat Boy]

Keep your hands off each other, because it's time for another caption contest. First up, we of course have to attend to...

For a surprisingly G-rated caption, our winner is...

"Wonder Twin powers-activate!"

For something that brings to mind the legendary Insult Sword-Fighting of the Monkey Island series, our winner is...

Borg Queen: "Your fear tells me you have been affected by an emotion chip."

Data: "Your face tells me you have been beaten by an ugly stick."

And for boldly going and struggling where every man has gone and struggled before, our winner is...

SPOCK: (thinking) Bra hooks...bra hooks.. crap where the hell are they.

And finally, it seems that Matthew Stafford, quarterback of the National Football League's Detroit Lions, is a reader of this here caption contest. Why else would he have stayed in yesterday's game with a possible shoulder injury if only to prove our Photoshop winner wrong? I certainly can't think of any better reason:

Kirk: "Have the Lions scored yet?"
Queen: "Dude, it's the Lions ..."

Congratulations to all our winners and here's the new scoreboard:

Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 57
Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 54
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 44
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 37
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 26
The Laughing Vulcan (Hall of Fame) 25
middyseafort (Hall of Fame) 23
Triskelion (Hall of Fame) 23
Outpost4 (Hall of Fame) 21
scottydog 18
Turd Ferguson 17
Diesel Micky Dolenz 14
LeadHead 14
Skywalker 13
Alrik 13
Nebusj 12
DS9Sega 11
zephramc 11
BriGuy 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
Herkimer Jitty 10
Tharpdevenport 9
Kirby 9
Kegek 8
captain crow 8
cultcross 7
John_Picard 7
TheGallifreyanSith 7
Atavachron 6
jptrekker 6
Deranged Nasat 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
Bad Atom 5
Daneel 5
Mistral 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Peach Wookie 4
Woulfe 4
Piper 4
B.J. 4
Starpaul20 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
Amasov 3
SalvorHardin 3
Hartzilla2007 3
Classic Fan 3
M'Sharak 3
Civil Shadow 3
The Squire of Gothos 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
thedude 2
S'Kai 2
seigezunt 2
trampledamage 2
protocida 2
BriGuy 2
26138 2
USS Bones 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1
T'Boggan 1
Dimesdan 1
shivkala 1
KirkusOveractus 1
CTM 1
Emperor-Tiberius 1
Alpha_Geek 1
Zachary_Smith 1
Plum 1
3 of 11 1
jongredic 1
Super Grover 1
T'Aerwynd 1
shivkala 1
Jackson_Roykirk 1
The Badger 1
Captain Zog 1
J. Allen 1
Lashmore 1
NickRyder 1
Aragorn 1
Rat Boy 1
Tribble 1
Jonas Grumby 1

This week, we're highlighting a few of the bigwigs in the films that boss around the main characters. First up, Admiral Cartwright shows the president the new wing of the Federation museum showing off Spock's nude photography. Next, F. Murray Abraham dares you to try to work the word "anus" into this Insurrection screen grab. Finally, a bonus picture from the latest feature film, with Pike looking like he's about to pitch a fit over the fact that Chekov is one of the only people who actually was supposed to be on the bridge. Anus:

 

[Rat Boy]

Cartwright: "It's worse than we thought, Mr. President."

Roth: "What do you mean?"

Cartwright: "Since the probe entered Federation space, all the talk shows and news programs have been making poop jokes."

Ru'afo: "Nobody leaves here until we find my contact lens!"

Dougherty: "Not again."

Greenwood: "You beat me at chess one more time, kid, and I'll make sure you never work in this fucking town again."

 

[John Picard]

Pike: "Son, if you claim anything was 'Inwented in Russia' I'm going to beat you to a pulp."

 

[Rat Boy]

Pike: "You're not Russian. Russians don't flip their Ws and Vs."

Chekov: "Okay, you caught me, I'm from Jersey."

Supervisor on the right: "It seems Joe's been using the Internet to post anus jokes."

Supervisor on the left: "Which one is Joe?"

Supervisor on the right: "The one standing next to the guy who's girlfriend dumped him because he'd only squeeze her buttcheeks and beat off."

Supervisor on the left: *snicker*

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Admiral Cartwright was always impressive when showing off his "My Favorite Martian" trick.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Pike's hemorrhoids always seemed to flair up at the worst times.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Ru'Afo to himself: I swear, if he says Dough-er-ty like that one more time I'm going to give him a face lift that he'll never forget!!!!

 

[Shatmandu]

Hey, thanks much for the win! Woo!

Cartwright: "Look what Rand's doing with that Pepsi bottle ..."

Abraham, to himself: "Need a new house, need a new house, need a new house ..."

Pike: "Maybe the Russians should have 'inwented' pleather chairs that don't amplify farts ..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Greenwood: "You left duct tape in frame? Do you have any idea how much that's going to cost to remove in post?"

Cartwright: "I think we have some leverage against the Klingons."

Roth: "What do you mean?"

Cartwright: "Check this out."

*starts showing video of Klingon ambassador karaoke singing "Gettin' Jiggy With It"*

Roth: "Hot damn. They'll give us the entire Neutral Zone to keep this quiet."

 

[scottydog]

Thanks for the win, boyish rat!

Pike: "You can settle for less in ordinary life, or do you feel like you were meant for something better? Something special."

Chekov: "All I veal now iss deja woo."

 

[Rat Boy]

Dougherty: "By the way, Merry Christmas."

Ru'afo (thinking): Doesn't this idiot know I'm Jewish? This thing on my head isn't for fashion, you know.

 

[Shatmandu]

President Stubing: "My sex video is showing where?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Pike: "Well, Chekov, Pavel Andreivich, would you commence with the redundant exposition speech?"

 

[cooleddie74]

CARTWRIGHT:"And if this whole alien probe situation isn't a BIG enough crisis, now someone's gone and hung a Billy Ray Cyrus poster on the wall over there..."

RU'AFO:"I was young, dammit!!

I needed the money...and trilithium!!"

PIKE:"Just one question, Ensign...nothing personal.

Your hair? Are you IN the closet? Or OUT of it?"

 

[cooleddie74]

DOUGHERTY:"I see the tubes of Clearasil I've been giving you AREN'T doing a damn bit of good..."

RU'AFO:"I have combination skin, Admiral. You KNEW that."

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"Ensign, you're going to have an alien starship-disabling probe up YOUR ASS if you interrupt Survivor: Delta Vega again, understood?"

Admiral Dougherty was torn between letting Ru'afo accept Captain Picard's compliment on his facelift job, or by upholding his duties and expanding the Son'a's horizons by letting him know the subtleties of sarcasm.

 

[Candlelight]

Ultimate wet-willy prank in 3... 2... 1...

"Dougherty! Why are you all blurry!?!"

Pike: "Part of this job means you need charisma... you need passion... you need- PPPPAAAAAAAAAARRRRPPPPPPPP -- not to have too much cabbage for breakfast"

Cartright: "And if I order the three-piece quarter pack, you can maybe throw me in a free zinger tower burger...?"
President: "For the last time Cartright, I'M NOT COLONEL SANDERS!"

 

[cooleddie74]

ROTH:"Where's my wife?"

CARTWRIGHT: "Over there, Mr. President. On Kirk's lap."

RU'AFO:"If anyone needs me, I'll be in the Taffy Pull room...looking at Risan erotica."

 

[Nerys Myk]

PIKE: Pavel, do you like gladiator movies?

 

[cooleddie74]

PIKE:"Hey...Pavel!

Mind running down to my quarters and doing my laundry for me? Make your commie pinko ass useful...before your hair product shorts out the navigation console."