Movie Caption Contest #118: Grok Blocked

[Rat Boy]

Children, will you all please just settle down? It's time for another caption contest. First, it's off to the corner for a timeout for...

For proving that one should wait until the paternity tests are in before throwing around words like "Dad," our winner is...

Kirk: "Is that 'fro natural?"
David: "Yes."
Kirk: "Fucking Carl!"

And for proving that Picard just doesn't know how to let go of a grudge, our winner is...

Bitsy: "...and then we learned about the three wise men."

Picard: "THERE ARE FOUR WISE MEN."

And for proving that boldly smashing through obstacles runs strong in the Kirk family, our winner is...

Baby James T: I... have had... enough of... your uterus!

In lieu of a Photoshop award, I've decided to honor contributors to two of the running gags that made this contest as popular as whenever Grignak or the Star Wars gang make an appearance. First up, the "best" (I use that term loosely) of our anus jokes:

Bitsy: "Why does Shatmandu use the word 'anus' a lot?"

Picard: "It's a good word. That's where ideas begin."

Bitsy: "So when he says something like 'my anus is a fire in which we burn', that's an idea?"

Bitsy: "I got an A minus on my report card."

Picard: "HEAR YE, HEAR YE, BITSY GOT AN ANUS ON HER REPORT CARD."

And finally, the story about how Bitsy Picard came to be:

Bitsy: "Mum said I was conceived in love. Is that true?"

Picard: "Truth be told, I was so sloshed that I thought we were doing anal."

Bitsy: "Mum said I was conceived in love. Is that true?"

Picard: "Yes, I believe the mailman loved your mother very much."

Bitsy: Mum said I was conceived in love. Is that true?

Picard: Let me call a meeting in the conference room in 5 minutes, we must discuss all our options before repsonding.

Bitsy: "Mum said I was conceived in love. Is that true?"
Picard: "Well, I love Jim Beam, so sure, what the fuck. Go get me some nog, kid."

Girl: "Mommy said I was conceived in--"?

Picard (interrupts): "I've given you a hundred f***ing answers already, you little shit! Most of them were good jokes, too. What more do you want? Oh, and Merry Christmas."

Oh, boy, what did I unleash? Anyway, congratulations to all of our winners, many of them multiple times and you know how stingy I usually am with that. But, it's the holidays and I was feeling generous. Be sure to look over the scoreboard to see the new totals:

Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 57
Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 53
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 44
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 36
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 26
The Laughing Vulcan (Hall of Fame) 25
middyseafort (Hall of Fame) 23
Triskelion (Hall of Fame) 23
Outpost4 (Hall of Fame) 21
Turd Ferguson 17
scottydog 17
Diesel Micky Dolenz 14
LeadHead 14
Skywalker 13
Alrik 13
Nebusj 12
DS9Sega 11
zephramc 11
BriGuy 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
Herkimer Jitty 10
Tharpdevenport 9
Kirby 9
Kegek 8
captain crow 8
cultcross 7
John_Picard 7
TheGallifreyanSith 7
Atavachron 6
jptrekker 6
Deranged Nasat 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
Bad Atom 5
Daneel 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Peach Wookie 4
Mistral 4
Woulfe 4
Piper 4
B.J. 4
Starpaul20 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
Amasov 3
SalvorHardin 3
Hartzilla2007 3
Classic Fan 3
M'Sharak 3
Civil Shadow 3
The Squire of Gothos 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
thedude 2
S'Kai 2
seigezunt 2
trampledamage 2
protocida 2
BriGuy 2
26138 2
USS Bones 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1
T'Boggan 1
Dimesdan 1
shivkala 1
KirkusOveractus 1
CTM 1
Emperor-Tiberius 1
Alpha_Geek 1
Zachary_Smith 1
Plum 1
3 of 11 1
jongredic 1
Super Grover 1
T'Aerwynd 1
shivkala 1
Jackson_Roykirk 1
The Badger 1
Captain Zog 1
J. Allen 1
Lashmore 1
NickRyder 1
Aragorn 1
Rat Boy 1
Tribble 1
Jonas Grumby 1

Ever notice that the cold, logical types always get the women in the movies? Well, that's what we're going with for this week. First, we see that Saavik and Spock have moved up to the "Friends with benefits" status of their relationship. Second, Data doesn't know if he should be repulsed or turned on by the fact that the Borg Queen's lady parts are all plastic. And lastly, Spock's keen sense of smell can't help but detect the faintest scent of the Iowa farm boy he just throttled in the hair of his one true love. Hopefully by this time next week screengrabs from the new movie's Blu-Ray will have made their way online for us to riff on here. Boy have I got some ideas. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Saavik wonders if this means she has to update her Facebook status...again.

Data: "Are you absolutely sure that resistance is futile?"

Spock (thinking): Look, it was just that one time when we were alone in the library. Talk about a cling-on.

 

[John Picard]

Data: "Yes. *FULLY functional."

Borg Queen: [Sulu] OH MY! [/Sulu]

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Spock: "How old am I again at this point?"
Saavik: "Genuine or appearance-wise?"
Spock: "Actually either is concerning me"
Saavik: "Look, stop worrying and make with the Pon Farr"
Spock: "Well, you're clearly older than me- and we're camping out alone in the woods, too"
Saavik: "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? It's not my fault you died and I didn't."

Data: "So..you want to see if I'm anatomically correct, eh?...eh? eh?

Borg Queen: "don't do that".

Uhura: Oh, Spock...
Spock (mutters excitedly): Yes...yes...
Uhura: hold me!
Spock: ...the solution to Seklan's Paradox is 3.7!
Uhura: Spock?

(Spock roughly shoves Uhura aside and rushes to the science station)

 

[Shatmandu]

Hey, wins! Whee-HAW! That was a fun one.

Young Spock: "'Two in the pink, two in the stink.' Got it."

Data: "I am not frightened. I had sex with Tasha Yar."
Borg Queen: "Ewww. Won't be assimilating that." <backs away, disgusted>

Spock: "Why do you smell like a cupcake?"

Saavik: "I shoulda become a Boy Scout leader years ago ..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Saavik: "Wait, did you just call me 'Uhura?'"

Spock: "Uhhhhhhhhhh..."

Uhura: "Wait, did you just call me 'Saavik?'"

Spock: "Uhhhhhhhhh..."

Borg Queen: "Wait, who are Uhura and Saavik?"

Data: "Uhhhhhhhh..."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

I got one! Yay for me!

Kid Spock: "This is sex? What, you've been watching Demolition Man or something?"

Data: "You seem to be suffering from premature lubrication."

Spock: "Hold on, why am I counting three?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock (thinking): Trekcore already has HD screencaps up? Would've been nice if someone had mentioned that to Rat Boy.

*Next week, folks, I promise. And maybe the week after that. And that one, too.*

 

[Shatmandu]

Queen: "What is this 'Star Wars' Ratboy mentioned?"
Data: "Eh, nevermind. Its fans are real douchebags."

Data: "Since I'm a Spock cypher, maybe you should assimilate him."

 

[Rat Boy]

Data: "It would appear that you have gone back in time and assimilated Lady GaGa."

 

[BriGuy]

Borg Queen: What do you mean, "Are they real?" Of course they're not real. They're implants. One contains a flame thrower and the other a supply of spare nanoprobes.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: There is a large spider duct taped to the back of your head.

 

[cooleddie74]

SAAVIK:"...and in human culture on Earth, this is referred to as getting to first base."

DATA:"Would this be a bad time to mention your parking still needs to be validated?"

NON-EMOTIONAL LOVE IN AN ELEVATOR

Livin' it up when Vulcan's blowin' down

 

[cooleddie74]

DATA:"Careful, your Highness.

The last time I engaged in sexual relations with a cybernetic organism we BOTH had to be uploaded with antiviral subroutines for an entire solar month."

 

[Shatmandu]

Data, head twitching: "Accessing Federation files ... Kirk, James T., personal logs ... personal philosophy ... Ah, there it is ..."
<He gets an erection.>
Data: "We may begin."

 

[Peach Wookiee]

Data: Why do you wear a spider with only five legs upon your cranial unit?

Borg Queen: Because it makes me look sexy...

Data: *smirks*

 

[Candlelight]

Spock: "Ah yeah... that's it... stroke my fingers..."
Saavik: "You know... I could just suck your cock-"
Spock: "FINGERS"

Data's penis suddenly decided to pop up for a chat.

Uhura: "You've got egg on your ear... hang on"

*Uhura licks Spock's ear*

Spock: "Errr..."

*Spock cums, blows Uhura across the room*

 

[Nerys Myk]

SAAVIK: On 21st Century Earth this could land me a book deal and a jail sentence.

SPOCK: Why does Kirk keep appearing in my thoughts?

 

[Shatmandu]

Young Spock: "You look different."
Saavik: "The other one got fat."

 

[cooleddie74]

SAAVIK:"If you see a human named Chris Hansen peek into the cave opening...be sure to let me know.

We will have to flee."

SPOCK:"You smell like bootyliciousness."