Movie Caption Contest #117: The Parent Trap
- Thread starter Rat Boy
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Bitsy, singing falsetto: Tiptoe through the tulips...
[Picard pimp slaps Bitsy]
Picard: What the fuck did I just tell you! Never do that Tiny Tim shit around me!
Bitsy: "...and then when I woke up, it was all back to normal! People in town DID know who I was again, Mr Gower didn't poison the child, uncle Billy wasn't in an insane asylum and Mary wasn't a spinster-"
[Picard pimp slaps Bitsy]
Picard: "What the fuck did I just tell you! Never do that Bedford Falls shit around me!"
Nurse: What a lovely little boy, you must be proud.
Wionna: Yeah, to bad he's going to turn into a total pansy douche in this reality.
Doctor Big Eyes: "Being born in space does lead to a higher degree of pansiness. Just look at Wesley Crusher."
Bitsy: Mum said I was conceived in...
Picard: Don't start that shit again.
Bitsy: Anu...
[Picard pimp slaps Bitsy so hard she flies into the Christmas tree]
BITSY: What is this shit? You hate kids, you're not sentimental and you're not religious. Yeah your brother and nephew are dead. Tough break, but the wife is still around, she was hot. So snap out of it, get back to Earth and tap that grieving widow ass! Wouldn't be the first time, if you know what I mean. (winks)
Little Girl: What a minute, your perfect fantasy life is with some random piece of tail that no one's ever heard of? Why aren't you here knocking boots with Beverly or Nella Daren?
Picard: well uh...
Little Girl: And what's with the brat pack? You fucking hate kids, you didn't even want them on your ship...which by the way just crashed and burned while you're in here playing make believe.
Picard: You have to understand...ah fuck it ~pulls out phasers and shoots the kid~
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Picard: "What the fuck did I just tell you! Never pull that-"
[Bitsy pimp slaps Picard]
Bitsy: "Don't make me tear your sphinkter over you head again, you jive ass turkey. Now go get me some hoes"
Bitsy: "The nurse at school keeps asking me why my feet are purple...and when I tell her it's from mashing the grapes, she looks at me funny."
PICARD'S DAUGHTER: "You see, daddy, the nexus can provide you with anything your heart desires. Everything you see here is exactly what you wanted."
PICARD: "Oh really? Then why are you a little girl instead of a Taiwanese hooker and her Orion friend?"
WINONA KIRK: "Hey Jim... I don't know how to say this, but... your daddy isn't going to be here with us. It's just gonna be the two of us... you and me. But don't worry -- even though we're on our own, we'll make it."
DR. BIG EYES: "Uhh, don't you have another son? George Jr.?"
WINONA KIRK: "Huh? Oh, yeah... that's right. I guess he's back home in Iowa, or... someplace. I'm sure he's around somewhere. Definitely."
WINONA KIRK: "Oh... he's beautiful..."
BIG EYES: "Right then Mrs Kirk, start pushing and we'll get this second one out"
WINONA KIRK: "Second one?!?"
BIG EYES: "Yeah, but this one's kinda fat and has a scottish accent, keeps cracking jokes in this universe, might wanna give an extra big squeeze for us, or if you want I can just put us out of his misery"
Bitsy: "...and then we learned about the three wise men."
Picard: "THERE ARE FOUR WISE MEN."
Bitsy: "...and then we learned about the three wise men."
Picard: "THERE ARE FOUR WISE MEN."
I'll second that.
Joe, non-binding
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