Movie Caption Contest #117: The Parent Trap

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "You gettin' any?"

 

[Bones2]

Picard, after eyeing the house: "Hmm. I could get used to this. <then to kid> Your mother ... she got big tits and a nice, juicy ass?"

Girl: "Oooh, the biggest and most round you've evah seen. Why, you could bounce one bah of gold-pressed latinum auf uv it and it jiggles lahk Jello."

Picard: "Well hot damn, this Nexus thing really is the business. And to think in real life I'd have settled for Dr Crusher - I'd have to wait another 2 films just for her to firm up."

 

[Alrik]

Doctor: "Congratulation Mrs. Kirk. It's a boy."

Winona: "My god, he's hung like a horse."

Doctor: "Um, Mrs. Kirk, that's the umbilical cord."

Winona: "Oh. Well don't cut it just yet....let him dream."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Girl: "Sorry I keep blowing my lines. Didn't get much sleep last night. Boyfriend came over and, you know, 'yadda yadda yadda.' Plus I am dying for a cigarette!

Stewart (appalled): "How old are you?"

Girl: "I'm 34. Why?"

Stewart: "But...you look so young and tiny!"

Girl: "Oh, that's all make-up and camera angles!"

 

[Candlelight]

"I know you, your Karem Abdul Jabbar-"
"FUCK OFF, KID"

 

[Nerys Myk]

KID: You were great in "Gandhi"

STEWART: That was Ben Kingsley

KID: "Amadeus" then.

STEWART: F. Murray Abraham

KID: It will come to me

STEWART: Star Trek. X-Men.

KID: No that's not it.

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the Win!

Picard: What's that file your brothers are reading and why are they so sad?

Girl: It's a paternity test and it says you are their daddy, they're just sad because they like having hair.

 

[Candlelight]

Girl: "Get me the entire collection of Britney for Christmas or I'll tell mom what you did to Rene when you went 'camping'"

 

[Shatmandu]

Bitsy: "Instead of Christmas with us, maybe you should wish yourself a boxing trainer since Soren just whipped your ass in nothing flat."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KID: There's man upstairs with ma'ma and he keeps shouting "OH ANTONIA!!!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Bitsy: "Since you weren't here, Mummy had to pay the landlord with sweaty corsets."

 

[BriGuy]

Kirk: I know I haven't been there for you most of your life, son. But I am your father, and I need to give you some fatherly advice. To be a man, you must never back down. Even if it's a Klingon two times your size and 10 times your strength, you have to take him head-on.

Although I'm speaking metaphorically. I doubt you'll ever come face to face with a real Klingon warrior. He'd kick your ass. But you understand what I mean, right? Never forget it.

 

[BriGuy]

Stewart: 20 takes... 12 forgotten lines... 8 cases of the giggles... 4 tantrums... and 1 projectile vomit...

 

[BriGuy]

Baby James T: I... have had... enough of... your uterus!

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Women? Oh, I can tell you lots of stories. I'll never forget this kinky little blonde bookworm back at school."
David: "Uh ..."
Kirk: "Researcher-type by day and slutty-slut-slut by night. Man, she knew her way around a dick. Didn't mind munching a little whisker-buscuit while I tended her garden, either, if you know what I mean ..."
<David punches him.>

 

[Shatmandu]

Baby James T: I... have had... enough of... your uterus!

WINNER! Perfect.

Joe, imperfect

 

[BriGuy]

Without the steadying influence of his father, James T. Kirk showed signs of rebellion from an early age...

Five minutes after his birth...

Pilot: Hey, has anybody seen the keys to the shuttle? I left them right here when I came back to see the baby...

 

[BriGuy]

Cute child actress: ... but you don't understand, Captain Picard, the nestus...

Director: Cut!

Stewart: Goddamn it! Why do you have a child trying to handle dialogue like this? We've been here all day and haven't gotten through this scene!!

Director: Well, Patrick, we thought it would be kinda, you know, weird and creepy for the whole nexus exposition to come from a little girl...

Stewart: Well, that's fine, except a little girl can't remember this technobabble.

Director: Then what do you want us to do?

Stewart: Hmm... call Goldberg. She'll do this crap for scale.

 

[Shatmandu]

Bitsy: "Mummy's in the garden, chasing off a pair of Taigs."
Picard: "Not burying? Damn."

 

[Candlelight]

Bitsy: "Why does Shatmandu use the word 'anus' a lot?"