Movie Caption Contest #117: The Parent Trap

[T'Girl]

Stewart: "So you see the irony is, being primarily a Shakespearian actor, this time period would be seen as the far future to many of the characters I've portrayed..."
Girl: "Why aren't you wearing any trousers?"

Stewart: "Well, I can see one little girl who needs a spanking."
Girl: "Mom!"
Mom: "Already had mine."

Kirk: "No David, you're suppose to undress me with your eyes."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: David, meet your mother in the transporter room. You're going home with her!

Marcus, go to your quarters. Your confined there till next Tuesday!

BOTH: How do you know you got the right kid?

KIRK (flustered): I think I know my own... CAROL!!!!!!!!!

 

[SeerSGB]

Kirk: Look, I don't know how to break this too you...well, "Son", you're mom was a cheap whore who used to blow freighter jocks for $5 and a cheap bottle of Vulcan Turkey...so about the whole "dad" thing, you might want to wait till the blood test comes back. Speaking of "come and back", one time me and Spock and your mom were...

 

[Captain Crow]

Picard: Can you show me on your dolly where Uncle Riker touched you?

Little Snot Picard: Pah-pah, I said I wanted a Betsy Wetsy not Wendy Wiz-a-lot! Mummy is right! You're a cheap bastard!

[then she spits in his face]

 

[Shatmandu]

Bitsy Picard: "We were all up early this morning, papa, so do be quieter whilst giving Mummy your hot brisket injection tonight, eh? Pip-pip!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

LIL'PICARD: Gotta light? I need to mellow out after all this hoopla.

 

[Finn]

David: "Tiberus? What kind of middle name is that?"
Kirk: "Be glad your mom didn't let me call you Winona".

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "So your mom didn't want you gallivanting around the galaxy with me? Do you have any idea how much alien tail she cost you!"

Little Miss Picard: "This isn't the doll I wanted! I told you, I want the Miley Cyrus doll! Make it so!!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Little Snot Picard: If you're suppose to be french, why the fuck do you have a british accent?

 

[Candlelight]

Kirk: "You had me at 'we're approaching the Mutara system'"

 

[Candlelight]

David: "Ship... out of danger...?"
Kirk: "Oh fuck, not you too??"

"I took a dump in one of your presents. Can you guess which one?"

 

[Bones2]

"Ulp, would you take him please nurse? I think his Kelvin's set a collision course for his Narada."

 

[LeadHead]

David: I've decided to accept you as my father.

Kirk: I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that.

David: Now that we've got that out of the way, I need 100 bucks and I'm borrowing the car.

Ever wonder why all of Picard's Kids are the same age? Because this is Big Love: The Next Generation.

Doctor: It's a boy.

Winona: Wasn't he supposed to have a brother?

Doctor: And here's your other son.

Winona: Why does he have a mustache?

 

[scottydog]

Kirk: "How the hell did you become Harpo Marx?"
< David toots horn >>

Girl: "Did you fill mom's stocking?"
Picard: "Twice this morning."

 

[Shatmandu]

Bitsy: "I love my doll ever so much, papa, but why does she have Klingon ridges?"
Picard: "Diversity, you little racist. <snatches doll away> GO TO YOUR ROOM! YOU'VE RUINED CHRISTMAS!!"

Kirk: "No, son, you're not quite old enough to know what goes into hot dogs."

Picard: "Really? Cousins from America sent you a Bratz doll?"
Bitsy Picard: "Yup. And cut-off shorts, a training bra, a tramp stamp kit, fake fingernails, hair extensions, and plenty of garish makeup. They say all the boys at school will love me."

Kirk: "Really? She didn't take care of that? Well, then, uh, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much ..."

Bitsy: "Can you change my diaper? Mummy's out wrestling with the farmhands again."

 

[John Picard]

Girl: "Would you give me three farthings fo' a lump uv shit?"**



**Reference to the movie "Yellowbeard"

 

[Shatmandu]

Picard, to self: "Goddamn, this is a lot of kids. I didn't realize I'm Catholic."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

"Did you know, Papa, that one of your sons is played by a kid with the same name as Deranged Nasat*? Deranged Nasat doesn't know if that's meaningful or indeed worth your time at all, but he thought you might like to know".

"Thank you, dear. I'm sure I speak for all of us when I express my deep and genuine interest".

* It's true.

 

[Shatmandu]

Bitsy: "I'll keep this doll away from Benji's new Federation action figures. They do unspeakable things."

 

[Rat Boy]

Actor kid in the back who grew up to play John Connor on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles: "Boy, I hope I don't get typecast."