Movie Caption Contest #105: Uncle Kahless Wants You!

[Rat Boy]

You can stop with the man hugs, because it's time for another caption contest. First, let's pat the backs of...

For reminding us of the good old days, our winner is...

Spock: A Romulan, A black hole, red matter, and skidmarks.
Kirk: Enough with the Carnac bit.

For one that was obviously too hard to beat, our winner is...

Kirk: "In memorial Spock... I intend to sing rocket man at your funeral"
*engineering crew rush forward*
Scotty: "Let us in Spock!"
McCoy: "Flood the whole compartment!"

For *ahem* borrowing a joke I had used earlier in the contest, our winner is...

Spiner: "Here, you take it. I won't be needing it anymore."

Stewart: "What is it?"

Spiner: "My dignity. I had to give it up when I decided to take writing credit on this film."

And, finally, our Photoshop winner...

Data: "I was instructed to deliver this message to you immediately, sir."
Leia: "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."
Picard: "Data, what the hell is this?"

Now, if you couldn't tell, our good friend Triskelion has just earned his 20th win and now joins our pantheon of Hall of Famers, which seems to get bigger every week. Wear your Grignak button with pride:

Congratulations to Triskelion and all of our winners and here are our updated totals:

Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 48
Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 48
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 41
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 28
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 26
The Laughing Vulcan (Hall of Fame) 23
middyseafort (Hall of Fame) 22
Outpost4 (Hall of Fame) 21
Triskelion (Hall of Fame) 20
Turd Ferguson 17
Diesel Micky Dolenz 14
Skywalker 12
Nebusj 11
scottydog 11
DS9Sega 11
Alrik 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
zephramc 10
LeadHead 10
Herkimer Jitty 10
BriGuy 9
Tharpdevenport 9
Kegek 8
Kirby 8
cultcross 7
John_Picard 6
Atavachron 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
jptrekker 5
Bad Atom 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Peach Wookie 4
TheGallifreyanSith 4
Mistral 4
Woulfe 4
Piper 4
captain crow 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
Starpaul20 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
Daneel 3
Amasov 3
SalvorHardin 3
B.J. 3
Hartzilla2007 3
Classic Fan 3
M'Sharak 3
Civil Shadow 3
The Squire of Gothos 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
thedude 2
S'Kai 2
Deranged Nasat 2
seigezunt 2
trampledamage 2
protocida 2
BriGuy 2
26138 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1
T'Boggan 1
Dimesdan 1
shivkala 1
KirkusOveractus 1
CTM 1
Emperor-Tiberius 1
Alpha_Geek 1
Zachary_Smith 1
Plum 1
3 of 11 1
jongredic 1
Super Grover 1
T'Aerwynd 1
shivkala 1
Jackson_Roykirk 1
The Badger 1
Captain Zog 1
J. Allen 1
Lashmore 1
NickRyder 1

This week, we have another go around with our favorite movie villains, the Klingons. First up, we have Klingon Ambassador Kamarag's filibuster on the floor of the Federation Council, which involves him singing Aktuh and Maylota for hours on end. In our second picture, Captain Klaa tries to cover up for the fact that he can't hit shit even with those arcade periscopes. And finally, Lursa and B'Etor can't stop laughing when Geordi goes to the bathroom. Qapla!

 

[Rat Boy]

President Hiram Roth (thinking): Oy, you'd think the Klingons would appreciate a good hair piece.

Klaa: "I have mated with a woman. Inform the men."

Even conquering the galaxy could wait whenever Qo'Nos' Got Talent came on.

 

[S'kai]

Yes, it is true. The TV/radio waves of the original broadcasts of I Love Lucy are still expanding in a bubble throughout the galaxy, and will someday encounter sentient life.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

"Let us sharpen our blades, my brothers! As per Operation Slow Knife, our agents will, within hours, begin the series of sneak attacks on Federation outposts. Their blood will run HOT, hot with glory! Feel the warrior's spirit within you as we CRUSH and SLICE the despicable Federation and all who stand with it. Further more-"

"Sir, this isn't the briefing for Slow Knife. This is the Federation Council address".

"Ah, crap".

The excitement was almost too much to bear. Gromit had the bomb now, but would Piella retreive it in time to finish her dasterdly deed?

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

President Hiram Roth (thinking): I sure hope no one yells out "pompous ass" again like when the Gorn Ambassador addressed the council.

Klaa: I'm sorry, Vixis, but I prefer to hold onto something a long, hard cylindrical shaft.

 

[Shatmandu]

Ambassador: "My sister will never be the same. And doesn't sweet, innocent little James T. K'Glagh deserve a relationship with his father?"

Klaa: "Set weapons to Caricature."

The Klingons were gleeful when Geordi stopped by a restroom and had anonymous gay sex.

 

[Peach Wookiee]

The Klingon Ambassador on Federation Council Night: I'm a Rocket Man!
Jim Kirk: Hey, that's my song!

Klaa: Hey, Vixis... would you like to massage my ridge?

Patty and Selma Bouvier went to Bi-Mon Sci-Fi Con and were very happy they won the costume contest. Selma particularly enjoyed the attention. Patty was happy and yet horrified that men were paying attention.

 

[Kirby]

Klingon Ambassador: How can we be losing to a Federation who's military hero is TJ Hooker and it's President looks like a cheap version Master Bra'Tac from Stargate?

Klaa: You know what guys, she just really creeps me out, that stupid short hair, and she always smells like roast beef and creatine... She's right behind me isn't she?

The entire empire was excited when it was announced that Kahless would be on next season's Dancing with the Warriors

 

[Rat Boy]

Lursa: "Glorious! I never knew taking it through the backdoor would be so sensational!"

Klingon on the left: "That ain't me, baby. That's the gear shift."

 

[Alrik]

Sweet! A win! Thanks Rat Boy, even if it was a variation on a theme.
That's what I get for letting RL get in the way and then not going back to read the entire thread, but you know what they say about 'great minds'.

President Hiram Roth: "Okay, we get it. You're not a big fan of Kirk. Now can we wrap this up? I've got a 2 o'clock Tee Time."

Klaa: "I heard that Vixis, what you mean, you bet yours is bigger?"

Lursa: "Do you have Prince Albert in a can?"

Picard: "Why yes, I believe we do."

Lursa: "Well you'd better let him out."

*Klingons start laughing in the background*

Picard: "Damn prank calls." *click*

 

[Rat Boy]

Todd Bryant: "So are we getting residuals for all those comics Peter David's putting us in?"

Spice Williams: "'fraid not."

Todd Bryant: "Damn. I better hope they can work me into the sequel."

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"No, seriously. When DID Kirk find the time to record this in between stealing the Enterprise, murdering an entire Klingon crew, blowing up a planet and other assorted acts of jackassery?"

"Let that be a lesson to the Federation: ALL ancient satellites will CRUMBLE before the might of the KLINGON EMPIRE!!!"

The Duras sisters appreciated the tactical information La Forge's VISOR provided, but the footage of a holodeck recreation of Leah Brahms laughing at the size of Geordi's penis was just icing on the proverbial Klingon Blood Pie.

 

[Mistral]

"Yes, I put my seat belt on. Yes, I released the parking brake! Jesus, woman, would you just sit down and shut up!"

 

[Shatmandu]

President Gavin McLoud: "Sit down, you stinking cocksucker."

The Klingon version of The View isn't that far off from ours.

 

[SeerSGB]

Karen Traviss isn't going to writer Star Wars novels anymore! Qa'pla!!

Klingon Ambassador: There will be no peace so long as JJ Abrams lives!

Nameless Counselor (Offscreen): To much lens flare!

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Klingon Ambassador: There will be no peace so long as JJ Abrams lives!

Very good entry!

 

[Deranged Nasat]

"Assembled delegates, he called me fat. Am I fat, delegates? I can't help how I am. I can't help how I was made! He was hurtful".

 

[cooleddie74]

KAMARAG:"Your big-screen flat TV has poor definition and a fuzzy picture! Your Council has NO HONOR!!!!"

KLAA:"Stop gloating, Vixis.

Besides, you have nothing to gloat about.

Your damn belt buckle is upside down."

B'ETOR:"Oh, no he DIDN'T!!!!!!"

LURSA:"SNAP!!!!"

 

[cooleddie74]

FEDERATION IDOL always sucked the hardest when there would be guest contestants from other Alpha Quadrant powers...

 

[Alrik]

Klingon Ambassador: "He stood there, in front of my men, with a mug of Blood Wine in each hand like this, telling them that if they couldn't keep up, that they were a bunch of light weights, and that their foreheads looked like fannies. Make no mistake, Kirk is never to be dispatched to Kronos again."