Miscellanous Soap - Series 2

[Miss Chicken]

A year has passed.

After surviving a volcanic eruption, a flood, alien invasion, zombies etc the residents of Miscelleous Street and Neutral Road decided that their neighbourhood was no longer safe so they went on an exodus. They climbed hill and dale, traversed mountains and deserts until they finally came to a little port where they were able to purchase some boats.

They sailed away, for a year and a day, to the land where the Bong-tree grows (though some accounts say that they only took a three hour cruise).

Anywhere the Crazy Cat Lady and all her cats, both large and small, have now made landfall on a beautiful island. CCL has made a quick survey of the island and she hasn't spotted any polar bears, seen any stange black smoke or run into any crazy French ladies, so she has decided that this is a good spot to settle and has called it

MISCELLANEOUS ISLAND and called its towering peak Mount Neutral.

She awaits for all her friends to arrive. Lets hope that this series can be as original as the first series was.

 

[thestrangequark]

Thestrangequark drifted for 3 weeks atop her cello, managing to keep dry her violin, guitar, 12 best hats, and laptop (which she kept running by ingeniously McGyvering a solar-power adapter out of nothing but a compact mirror, a triple A battery, and the blood and teeth of a small shark she caught and dissected with her bare hands). The 3 weeks adrift with nothing but shark meat was great for her figure, and she finally lost those stubborn last 10 pounds by the time she made landfall, which is awesome, because she supposes there will be a lot of bikini-wearing on Miscellaneous Island.

 

[Miss Chicken]

Glad that you have made it, TSQ. I am glad that you violin and guitar are safe but I imagine that your cello is too waterlogged to either play again?

I have found a cave for myself and my darlings to live in, and the cats seem to really like this new home. Some of them are presently roaming the island looking for rodents to eat.

So far I have explored about a tenth of the isand.

 

[thestrangequark]

^Oh the case is waterproof for sure! All my babies are safe and sound. And if anyone is pondering using them for firewood, remember what happened to the shark. As for exploring, my solar powered laptop remains fully functional, so I just google earthed that shit.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

MLB and his pet liger, O-Dog, have arrived via canoe. Unfortunately MLB's guitar has washed overboard so he can no longer sing his love song to Hippy Lady. He thinks he will have to construct percussion equipment using stone knives and bearskins. A worthy goal, really.

It just so happens that O-Dog is an excellent carpenter and so he assists MLB in constructing an island shelter.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

teacake lies upon the beach, panting, legs still submerged and waves running up her thighs. She spits out sand and carefully feels the bump on her forehead from where she was knocked by a mysteriously buoyant cello while she flailed shoreward. Sitting up she realizes seaweed is in her underwear and her skin is the colour of boiled lobster. Her hair is matted with crap. In the palms beyond the beach she sees something.. something fabulous. It is the bikini bedecked beauty TSQ frolicking and singing something from Bali Hai. She is disgustingly thin and teacake hates her on sight.

 

[thestrangequark]

Thestrangequark sees the bedraggled, alga coated Teacake's looks of scorn. Thestrangequark fears confrontation, and hopes that by offering the heart of a freshly slaughtered wild boar to the hungry-looking Teacake she might forge a friendship. With that thought in mind she scampers into the wood (after first stowing away her stunning powder blue Barbara Feinmann cloche so as not to sully it with blood and entrails), and begins The Hunt.

 

[Miss Chicken]

You really should have borrowed one of the ligers to go hunting with. Either of them can take down a boar easily.

 

[thestrangequark]

^They'd only slow me down.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

teacake trudges towards the treeline. This island is probably vast-ish and she will do everything within her power to find a cave near a stream perfectly positioned for protection from the elements. Within a short time she discovers one, full of cats. teacake like cats and there seems to be already the makings of bed in this dwelling so she makes herself at home. One of the cats has caught a small lizard which looks useful if only she could work out how to make a bit of fire.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

O-Dog has also run into trouble with these cats. They seem to be insistent on worshipping O-Dog as a god and he is very uncomfortable with this attention.

MLB approaches Teacake and offers a deal: he will direct O-Dog to assist her in cooking the freshly caught lizard if she can get the other cats to leave him alone.

 

[Miss Chicken]

The Crazy Cat Lady hopes that the presence of a tiger, a lion, a liger and 48 domestic cats will be be reason enough for teacake to decide that this cave is not the best home foe her.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

teacake herds all the cats together and shoves them into the back of the cave. She reminds the cats that ligers are sterile and therefore not worthy of their devotion. Hopefully this information will deter them. Once released they scatter except for the lizard catcher who seems to think that with enough milling around teacake's sand encrusted legs the lizard will be returned. teacake now waits expectantly for the fire powers of the liger to be demonstrated.

teacake has no reason to leave this cave, after all the cats are bringing her food. The liger is a bit unpleasant but his usefulness is still being assessed.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

O-Dog produces a fire by rubbing together the remains of the sticks that he had been using to help in construction of the island shelter. Unfortunately the sparks also set ablaze the monster sized bongo drums that MLB had been attempting to build.

"So much for stone knives and bearskins," MLB sighs. Fortunately there is more than enough cooked lizard to go around for everyone.

 

[thestrangequark]

Thestrangequark follows the sound of bickering to a largish cave. She stands at the mouth of the cave, drenched from head to foot in the blood of the massive boar she's just succeeded in slaughtering with her bare hands, the delightful floral pattern of her bikini just peeping through the crimson gore. In her left hand is the boar's heart, still hot from its final adventure, in her right hand, she holds her violin and bow, hoping a bit of Mozart might help break the ice between her and the island's other inhabitants. Peering into the cave she sees three people, a tiger, a lion, a liger, and 48 domestic housecats arguing over how to roast a lizard.

And she comes to the stunning realization she might not, in fact, be the most bizarre individual present. This is a difficult concept for her to process, so she leaves the heart at the cave's entrence, and wanders back to the beach, muttering quietly to her bloody violin.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

After bandaging O-Dog's left paw, singed by an errant ember, MLB holds his hands over his ears to escape the noise of the constant wailing of the housecats. He wonders why the Crazy Cat Lady doesn't come and deal with them.

MLB and O-Dog turn and head out of the cave. Along the way they pass a sullen tsq who wonders why no one will eat the boar's heart she has offered. O-Dog points excitedly at the heart and signals to tsq if she would let them have it.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

teacake is wondering how cold the nights are on the island and if they are cold enough that she will need to sleep under 48 cats. If not then it might be best not to further risk the ire of the Crazy Cat Lady by staying.

 

[thestrangequark]

Thestrangequark has lit a fire, bathed in a small fresh-water lagoon she spotted on Google Earth, and is hunkering down for a lonely night of roasting boar meat when one of the housecats comes, mewling, up to her, no doubt drawn by the scent of blood. It is a tuxedo cat with green eyes, and she offers it an eyeball before curling up amongst her stringed instruments and pondering life.

 

[Miss Chicken]

The Crazy Cat Lady, accompanied by her favourite cat Miss Chicken, has been out gathering fruit and coconuts. She is bring her haul back to the cave.

She wonders if there is an inventor on the island who can make wonderous things from coconut shells.

 

[PlainSimpleJoel]

ElimParra had to swim ashore, after the boat was in sinks after falling apart - it seems he is on another part of the island. First thing, the thing he thinks is where am I? *Elim has no idea* ElimParra shouts hello. No reply. He hopes there are no polar bears here. Elim decided to walk towards the forest and get out of this sun.