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Miscellanous Soap - Series 2

I awaken after a long enforced absence after the unfortunate events of last year

(Fire, screaming, the running endless running)

and look around me. Where is this place? How did I get here? Didn't I used to own a bar of some kind?

And why is every body else referring to themselves in the third person?

I've got a lot of work to do,{sighs} this wasn't what I was promised when I sold my soul to Him...
 
a mysterious figure in black swoops down on the island and picks up TSQ, her belongings and flies her away to gay Paris.

'tis the man known as Captcalhoun who possesses powers beyond the ken of mortal men. or their Barbie or their GI Joe.

He wooes and wines and dines TSQ at a fine restauraunt, but she's tired from her ordeal and leaves him standing at her hotel room door.

Bugger.
 
MLB and O-Dog have concocted quite a large assortment of meals that can be made exclusively from bananas. Unfortunately teacake has grown tired of the potassium overload and has therefore sent them both out into the jungle to hunt once again. MLB becomes entangled in a tree and his persistent attempts to free himself result in a humorous situation where he falls out of the tree and lands in a heap on the ground.

O-Dog bursts out laughing. As does one of Hippy Lady's children who has wandered into the area and has been watching the whole thing.
 
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The Crazy Cat Lady looks at the message that the hobo found in a bottle. It is in code. If takes her some while to decode it but it says

Locate the rock that looks like a giraffe. Take 100 steps north from it base, then turn left and take 100 steps to the east, then 100 steps to the south and 100 steps to the west and dig. You will find what you desire.
 
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It has been some hours now...there is, as yet no one here...I am alone; therefore a change in perspective is called for...

Thor Damar examines the Dark sigil that he has embedded upon the virgin sands in front of him. He takes it in from all possible angles but, alas, nothing. His Lord and new master hath temporary forsaken him. Growing agitated and rather alarmed by the current lack of habitation. TD wanders up the beach swearing piously as he goes.

Then...he hears a voice...a familiar one at that!

Grinning, he turns and runs at the wonderful sound.

At last the plan can begin...
 
Thestrangequark has boiled the flesh off the bones of the many animals she has slaughtered, strung their bones back together, and decorated their varied skeletons in leis of tropical flowers, wreaths of fronds and twigs, and paints made of clay, blood, and the vibrant juices of native berries. By the time she's done dressing them she's grown bored of her new toys, and has decided to strew them about the island as offerings to the other inhabitants she is still yet to encounter.
 
Just as the first rays of the new morning start to warm the decks of the boat Ice is on, he awakens feeling extremely refreshed. He takes stock of his surroundings, noting that he has not found a boat, but found a very impressive 30 foot yacht. He also notes the full refrigerator and pantry, as well as the fact that this thing has half a tank of fuel remaining. He notes the presence of a sextant and navigational maps, but since he never learned how to navigate, he just decides to head for an island that he can see off in the distance. Ice removes the few volumes of his literary collection that he managed to save before he fled, a diesel powered generator, and his expensive Italian expresso machine, and his other possessions from the other boat, which after second thought he lashes to the deck. When he decides to make a cup of coffee, Ice notes that there is an expresso machine in it almost identical to his own. After breakfast Ice starts the engine and heads toward the island.
 
While explaining to his attentive swarm of giant black stick bugs how the Principle of Reciprocity works, RJDiogenes, master of multitasking, watches the girl in the floral bikini as she hunts and kills various specimens of island fauna, is suddenly snatched away by a flying man for a few hours, swims back to the beach and then gets to work creating a bunch of leis from the skeletal remains of her victims.

Intrigued, he climbs down the mountain to the beach and asks her for a lei.

Shortly thereafter, he limps back up the mountain and begins a lecture to his attentive swarm of giant black stick bugs on the ambiguities of language in non-hive mind life forms.
 
The Crazy Cat Lady has deciphered the message for Deranged Nasat, and the promise of the "treasure he desires" is too strong to resist. However, he's not going to do the hard work of following the instructions and digging up the appropriate spot, because hard work is for other people. Therefore, he needs to find someone to annoy into doing it for him. Hopefully, if he shouts incoherent nonsense and coughs theatrically over someone, they'll do it to make him go away. It's a plan that's worked many times before, and he has no intention of changing now, no matter what Gertrude thinks.

As he leaves the Cave of Cats, several of them trailing after him attracted by the rodents in his overcoat, he trips over a tastefully decorated boar skeleton with flowers and berries strewn over it. Bugrit! A woman who was leaving the scene calls out an apology and asks if he likes it. Realizing he's achieved his first acquistion of the territory, Deranged Nasat mumbles something about "god bless yer, lady, spare some change?" TSQ has no intention of letting this grubby wild-eyed fellow follow her around, so politely directs him up the mountain. There, she knows, is a philosopher who, when he isn't being impudent or a peeping tom, dispenses wisdom to those who seek it.

This sounds promising. Rambling what passes for thanks by his standards, Deranged Nasat takes his new skeleton decoration and heads up the mountain. Gertrude is pleased that he now has an actual goal in mind, but Curly is under a dark cloud, thinking that this philosopher is just another form of guv'ment. As for the Possum, well...the Possum thinks he detects the presence of The Dark Authority. Deranged Nasat remembers his last brush with such, when that strange barman ws employing him.

For a moment he's worried, but then a welcome haze descends and he spends ten minutes yelling randomly about the price of tea, which suddenly seems essentially important.
 
One of Hippy Lady's children, Questing Galaxy (though he prefers "Bob"), runs back to the hut to tell his mother about the funny people he saw with the bananas. Hippy Lady follows her child to where the banana people were, and is pleased to see some familiar faces. She invites them back to her hut for some Unfamiliar Vegetation Surprise Soup.

As Hippy Lady and her guests walk back to the hut they hear an explosion. Apparently the berries the children picked this morning do more than just ferment when bottled with yeast and sugar. Good thing Hippy Lady knew this may happen and had placed the alcoholic experiment far away from the hut. In fact, such fermenting oopsies happened so often that upon hearing the explosion 3-year-old Rings Around Saturn ("Sue") woke from her nap, opened one eye, muttered, "What, again?", and promptly fell back asleep.
 
The past 24 hours have been exceptionally odd for thestrangequark. The sudden appearance of a wiry bearded philosopher took her by surprise, but not so much as his question about her date in Paris. Paris? I went to Paris? How on earth did I miss that? She can't deal with people right now, she needs to think. She vaguely apologizes to the bearded philosopher for kicking him in the testicles (she really didn't mean it, he just caught her off her guard), and starts wandering absent-minded-ly back to her lagoon. Almost immediately, she is accosted by another strange man, who mumbles something about god, and asks her about change. She directs him up the mountain, knowing that philosophers deal with God and Change and shit, and whips out her iPhone to find the nearest cafe.
There's a Starbucks on the south side of the deserted island at the far end of a yellow lea between a fig tree and a boulder, across the way from the other Starbucks. She orders an espresso and sits, contemplating just how much wine she must've drunk to miss an entire evening in Paris, and wondering how the hell she got back to the island.
 
Captcalhoun sits on top of the Arc de Triomphe wondering whether to fly back to that strange island to find TSQ. But realises he doesn't know if she's there. or if she's some place else.

His thoughts are interrupted by an indignant Parisian policeman shouting at him to get off the Arc.

annoyed Captcalhoun flies down, grabs the policeman by the collar and hangs him from the neck of his jacket from the antenna atop the Eiffel Tower before flying off to parts unknown.
 
"By God", Ice exclaims as he drops the yacht's anchor in a lagoon, "they really are everywhere!"

Ice walks into the Starbucks, orders himself a peppermint latte, and scans the room. Noting that the only other patron in the cafe is a rather lost looking young lady in a floral bikini, he walks over to her and says, "Hello. I don't mean to bother you, but do you have any idea exactly where this island is?"
 
Thestrangequark is sipping her espresso and absent mindedly cleaning the dried blood from under her fingernails when a man walks up to her and starts quacking. For a moment she stares at him bemusedly...why is this stranger quacking at her? But she deduces from his tan and the fact that they are together on a deserted island that he, too, must have been lost at sea for a time. Perhaps the solitude has affected him? He seems to think he is speaking to her, and looks at her questioningly as he quacks again. She is not sure what to do, so she pats him on the head and tells him it will be okay.
 
Ice is begining to think that he's hallucinating again. He wonders for a second if any of those mushrooms he got from the Hippie Lady have any kind of delayed effects and be causing this. In any case, he swears that the lost looking girl in the floral bikini meowed at him in response to his question and then patted him on the head.

He also suddenly finds himself craving bread, so he walks back to the counter and orders a sandwich before breaking out his laptop and surfing the internet.
 
It has been a strange day indeed...trying to avoid undue contact Thor Damar has spent it skirting the woods of the island carefully noting where each of his new neighbors are.

Its far too early to revel himself to everyone, so moaning a prayer to his Lord, TD makes his way towards a isolated spot atop the mountain where he can engage in deep contemplation.

Of course he forgot to check his surroundings properly and is soon disturbed by some very familiar mutterings...
 
While sitting in his bamboo chaise lounge, sipping fermented berry juice from his bamboo mug through a bamboo straw, RJDiogenes monitors the progress of his attentive swarm of giant black stick bugs as they continue work on his statue, which is now taking on the appearance of a titanic sphinx with curly hair and glasses. It's hard to be sure, but they seem to be building a network of hidden chambers into it. He tilts his head to look down the mountain and check in on the polite-but-deadly kung fu girl in the floral bikini and spots her as she sashays into an incongruously placed Starbucks on the South side of the island (the one on the left). This might bear investigating.

Before he can consider the potential risk of starting another conversation with the floral bikini girl, he realizes that someone is coming up the trail. It's a man in an overcoat that almost seems to have a life of its own. RJ hopes the man has a Bluetooth, because he's talking a lot and there's nobody else around.
 
Now Deranged Nasat is confused, and for once it isn't about the correct placement of underwear. The bikini woman was right; there is a philosopher up on the mountain. Unfortunately, there seems to be two of him. Seeing two of people isn't unusual for Deranged Nasat, but having them look totally different is rather odd. One of them seems to be the barman, who, the Nasat reflects darkly, seems to get everywhere. The other looks content and peaceful, as though not haunted by dark memories and awareness of goats. He looks more promising.

Dimly, Deranged Nasat is aware that there's likely a pro-ti-col for dealing with philosophers, like there is with librarians or Danish royals (he got in the papers for that one! "Homeless Man Causes Diplomatic Incident; Accuses Princess of Witchcraft"). Shambling forward with much mutterings of "yer honour" and "good sir", he offers the contents of his upper left pocket in a gesture of good faith. He asks the bemused man for aid - work needs to be done, and there isn't anyone suitable to do it. In his wisdom, could he possibly arrange some means of finding and digging up the treasure, so Deranged Nasat can then claim it? The Hippie Lady has lots of children, and the baseball man has a liger. And that newly arrived man at the coffee shop has material possessions. Surely, yer honour, a workforce can be put together from this?

The Nasat's not too clear on the details, but knows he can always cough and shout obscenities if the tactful approach isn't working. Then again, between the philosopher's bemused smile and the nearby presence of the barman, he has a creeping feeling that he might be out of his depth. Bugrit.
 
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MLB and O-Dog would be happy to help the Nasat dig for his treasure.

(teacake respectfully declines as she has a job at one of the island Starbuckses. In fact she has repeatedly approached Thor and offered him a latte but he insists on drinking that damned fish juice. Cardassians. :rolleyes: )
 
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