Mental Wellness Support Group

[Butters]

This. I can laugh with you, joke, poke, play naughty, and be just as silly as anything, and you'd never know what kind of suicidal thoughts are just pouring into my psyche at any given moment. Keeping my head above water often becomes an exercise in distraction.

Sorry you feel that way. I feel much the same though. I don’t have active thoughts of ending it all, more a constant metaphysical appraisal of what it might be like if I did.

I also survive on mini highs more than major joys. I have a lot of things that many would envy and aspire to, but it’s never quite enough. It’s not even that I’m miserable and long for something better, i just want something else and don’t know what it is or how to get it.

 

[Amaris]

Sorry you feel that way. I feel much the same though. I don’t have active thoughts of ending it all, more a constant metaphysical appraisal of what it might be like if I did.

I also survive on mini highs more than major joys. I have a lot of things that many would envy and aspire to, but it’s never quite enough. It’s not even that I’m miserable and long for something better, i just want something else and don’t know what it is or how to get it.

I understand this mindset. I don't know when the last time was that I experienced joy, but little highlights are like rare sips of water to a man dying of thirst. I truly wish you didn't feel that way, but I understand. *hugs*

 

[Sibyl]

^^The last few posts...

I also tend to latch onto the few minor good things that happen...as little as they can be. They allow me to survive.

I'm not sure if Smiling Depression is exactly what I have as most of the time I do tend to withdraw when I'm in a deep depression, but I pretty much do maintain a base-level depression that would turn most people suicidal at all times and will joke and smile and get overexcited at the smallest things. People don't understand how rare those feelings are for me, so they don't understand how much I appreciate them and want them to last.

I tend to revel in what's known as "retail therapy". The moment I have some spendable money, I will go shopping (generally online, in private) and look forward to delivery days as a child would. It's something to look forward to rather than dread. That's kind of why my package not arriving yesterday is so devastating for me.

I was practically giddy all afternoon and evening last night because I was actually able to help my mom. She has an extremely difficult time asking for help, but she told me that one of her sisters explained it as she's actually doing US a favor by allowing us to do something good for her. Much like the old TV series Cheers, I have already explained this to her, but my explanation did not click with her and it took her sister to really see the light. WIth Cheers, when I started watching it in the 80s, I told my mom that she really should watch it. She said that she despised bars (her dad basically existed on alcohol) and that she refused to watch that show. A couple of years later another of her sisters suggested it and my parents gave it a try and were hooked. And yes, this sort of thing does feel like a rejection to me.

One thing I read recently is one of the key things to watch for in a depressive person is the use of the word "I". To some, it sounds narcissistic, but I guess it's depressed people basically screaming for others to notice them, to see if anyone is listening, and to see if they actually matter at all. I noticed that in my behavior immediately upon reading that.

Finally, there's a meme (or a few) circulating around Facebook with the Suicide Hotline and begging people to share it as it could save someone's live. I've explained several times on people's sharing of that meme that there are some people that, while suicidal, will never, ever, ever call that number. By the time they're in that mindset, they do not feel as if they deserve to live. I've explained that some people get so depressed that they really, truly believe that they are a burden and the longer they're around, the more they're negatively affecting others' lives.

No one has gotten my hint, though I have had one of my aunts tell me she'd be pissed at me if I ever committed suicide. I tried to explain that she has it all wrong and that in some people's case it really is not a selfish act (in criminals wanting to avoid punishment or someone that takes other people with them, it is), but she refuses to listen even while telling me she's depressed most of the time.

You see, depression runs in my family, but I didn't even know it until a couple of years ago. I had no idea my mom was taking antidepressants. I had no idea that her sisters were. If y'all had talked about this when I was younger, I may have been better able to cope with my feelings. Just knowing one is not alone is a huge relief. Not that it's good to know that others are suffering, but to know that you're not some sort of freak is somehow comforting.

 

[Amaris]

^^The last few posts...

I also tend to latch onto the few minor good things that happen...as little as they can be. They allow me to survive.

I'm not sure if Smiling Depression is exactly what I have as most of the time I do tend to withdraw when I'm in a deep depression, but I pretty much do maintain a base-level depression that would turn most people suicidal at all times and will joke and smile and get overexcited at the smallest things. People don't understand how rare those feelings are for me, so they don't understand how much I appreciate them and want them to last.

I tend to revel in what's known as "retail therapy". The moment I have some spendable money, I will go shopping (generally online, in private) and look forward to delivery days as a child would. It's something to look forward to rather than dread. That's kind of why my package not arriving yesterday is so devastating for me.

I was practically giddy all afternoon and evening last night because I was actually able to help my mom. She has an extremely difficult time asking for help, but she told me that one of her sisters explained it as she's actually doing US a favor by allowing us to do something good for her. Much like the old TV series Cheers, I have already explained this to her, but my explanation did not click with her and it took her sister to really see the light. WIth Cheers, when I started watching it in the 80s, I told my mom that she really should watch it. She said that she despised bars (her dad basically existed on alcohol) and that she refused to watch that show. A couple of years later another of her sisters suggested it and my parents gave it a try and were hooked. And yes, this sort of thing does feel like a rejection to me.

One thing I read recently is one of the key things to watch for in a depressive person is the use of the word "I". To some, it sounds narcissistic, but I guess it's depressed people basically screaming for others to notice them, to see if anyone is listening, and to see if they actually matter at all. I noticed that in my behavior immediately upon reading that.

Finally, there's a meme (or a few) circulating around Facebook with the Suicide Hotline and begging people to share it as it could save someone's live. I've explained several times on people's sharing of that meme that there are some people that, while suicidal, will never, ever, ever call that number. By the time they're in that mindset, they do not feel as if they deserve to live. I've explained that some people get so depressed that they really, truly believe that they are a burden and the longer they're around, the more they're negatively affecting others' lives.

No one has gotten my hint, though I have had one of my aunts tell me she'd be pissed at me if I ever committed suicide. I tried to explain that she has it all wrong and that in some people's case it really is not a selfish act (in criminals wanting to avoid punishment or someone that takes other people with them, it is), but she refuses to listen even while telling me she's depressed most of the time.

You see, depression runs in my family, but I didn't even know it until a couple of years ago. I had no idea my mom was taking antidepressants. I had no idea that her sisters were. If y'all had talked about this when I was younger, I may have been better able to cope with my feelings. Just knowing one is not alone is a huge relief. Not that it's good to know that others are suffering, but to know that you're not some sort of freak is somehow comforting.

*hugs tighter*

 

[Sibyl]

*hugs tighter*

Thank you.

The reason I'm as open as I am about my depression is that no one talked about it when I was growing up and it was forming in me. If I'd know that depression was not a fault solely in me, I may have been better able to deal with it and cope with it. Not talking about it is more harmful to sufferers than being able to talk openly about it. Again, we hate to hear of others' suffering, we certainly don't revel in it, but just to know you're not alone really can help.

 

[Butters]

I avoided this thread for a long time because I thought I had nothing to contribute or might say the wrong thing. Good isn’t the right word but there is benefit to knowing that others suffer and that feeling this way, being this way isn’t an unnatural deviance, much I might believe.

The suicide thing seems right. It’s useful to have a number for reaching out, but only really if you don’t want to go through with it anyway. I’ve thought about death, and taking my life, but it seems painful, complicated, and what would I do afterwards? I’m lucky that I haven’t faced a life that I could no longer live.

 

[Sibyl]

Let's just say that guns never should and never will be allowed at my place of residence, wherever that may be.

I've discovered on a few occasions that insulin overdoses are uncomfortable and cause a lot of suffering at the time and even some long-term effects.

And yes, if one does really intend to end their lives, that number is about as useful as if it didn't exist, at all. Those that have any hope left in them, whatsoever, it may actually save their lives, in the end.

I am really happy to hear you're not at that point in your life, even if you are suffering at the moment. I hope all gets better for you, @Butters.

 

[Butters]

If today has taught me anything, it’s that I can’t go a day without my blockers. Not yet.

 

[PhantomFan1]

Wow, I'm glad to see people really opening up in here.

Scribble, you are absolutely right about talking about it. One of the ways to combat mental illness is to be open and honest about it. Those around have to be supportive and understanding. I hate to just talk about myself here, but it's the example I have. When my wife told me about her dissociation, I did the stupid thing and asked her (not right after, but soon after) did we have the same relationship goals, that is to rebuild our relationship. She said that she didn't know, that she couldn't stand the thought of sex with me right now (it was like incest) and she saw me more as a close brother than a husband.

Many people would have given up at that point and just left. I mean, what's the point in carrying on in a relationship if you're both not on the same page? But no. I understand that she is not herself and needs support overall. It'll be possible to pull her back from where she is, but not if I give up on her.

There's a lot of emphasis in Ottawa put on supporting things like Cancer Research, MS, Diabetes, other physical maladies. And while those are completely worthwhile causes, there is very little emphasis put on research to assist those in mental distress.

Finally, people have to think of mental distress as like a bomb. When it goes off those closest to it are going to get the most burned. Family, friends. These are the ones who take collateral damage from the bomb. However, when a bomb goes off, do we blame the bomb? No, you blame who set it. The world today puts so much stress on everybody that it's bound to set some off. Don't blame the person for things that happen due to their mental distress, blame the system that puts them under so much stress that it sets things off.

 

[rhubarbodendron]

^I couldn't agree more. Unfortunately, mental problems are still eyed with suspicion by your average citizen. Admittedly, some are scary but so is a smoker's lung (when I saw my first one, I recognized it only by its anatomical position. Had I seen it outside of the body, I'd have had a difficult time telling what an object - let alone body part - it might have been).
Mental problems are feared as hardly any other sort of illness. But in my experience we fear only what we don't know and can't assess. Once we get familiar with a thing and begin to understand it, we stop being scared. Hence it's important that we talk about our problems openly and frankly so that we can remove all the fear-born myths and misconceptions from our readers' and listeners' heads.

Also, it can mean being patient and supportive for years before any kind of progress is made.
I hope your sister did seek help and can overcome whatever she is suffering from.

*sigh* indeed. Unfortunately, being supportive tends to burn one out, in the long run, and one becomes a bit annoyed at times. This has been going on for almost 20 years now. She has been taking meds for years but is now finally trying to reduce the dosage (the side effects are considerable, so that getting weaned off the drugs is always a sound idea, health-wise). IMHO what she needs is not chemistry but therapy but as long as she blocks that there's no hope. Like with every sort of illness, it's crucial that the patient agrees to the therapy and there's the core of the problem in her case.

 

[PhantomFan1]

^I couldn't agree more. Unfortunately, mental problems are still eyed with suspicion by your average citizen. Admittedly, some are scary but so is a smoker's lung (when I saw my first one, I recognized it only by its anatomical position. Had I seen it outside of the body, I'd have had a difficult time telling what an object - let alone body part - it might have been).
Mental problems are feared as hardly any other sort of illness. But in my experience we fear only what we don't know and can't assess. Once we get familiar with a thing and begin to understand it, we stop being scared. Hence it's important that we talk about our problems openly and frankly so that we can remove all the fear-born myths and misconceptions from our readers' and listeners' heads.

*sigh* indeed. Unfortunately, being supportive tends to burn one out, in the long run, and one becomes a bit annoyed at times. This has been going on for almost 20 years now. She has been taking meds for years but is now finally trying to reduce the dosage (the side effects are considerable, so that getting weaned off the drugs is always a sound idea, health-wise). IMHO what she needs is not chemistry but therapy but as long as she blocks that there's no hope. Like with every sort of illness, it's crucial that the patient agrees to the therapy and there's the core of the problem in her case.

Well said overall, and so very true.

Being a support is VERY draining (hence the reason I've needed counselling support in the past and now) and really requires superhuman effort. It is also important to keep up a good social grouping, somewhere where you can retreat from those stresses for a little bit of time.

Seeking assistance from others who are supporters or are suffering from a similar issue can also help a lot. There's a reason I have been lurking in this thread for a while and decided to join in. Reading these pages has helped me understand a bit more of what can be going through one's head when big explosions happen and it has helped me gain a perspective on my wife that she won't let me in on right now. It's not perfect, because everyone is different, but at least I can see beyond the smile and "I'm doing okay today" generic responses I get when she doesn't want to talk about the subject because she doesn't want to hurt or stress me.

Thankfully, she's starting to come out of her shell a bit more with me. We've a few discussions now about her condition. She's filled with regret over some of the things she has done (they're ultimately unimportant) and over not seeing her shape for a while. She's been extremely depressed for a while. I tried to reassure her that she couldn't see it all in the moment, and that she can't beat herself up over that. It had become the norm for both of us. I should have said something about it earlier, but like I said, it was the norm and in that moment we just carried on. Now hindsight is showing all kinds of red flags and things we should have seen. But no point doing the whole "Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda" thing, because we didn't.

I reassured her again that this is going to be an insanely long road ahead, with tonnes of bumps and bad spots, but no matter how hard it got for her, I am completely beside her the entire way.

Therapy can be very distressing and put a tonne of strain on the individual and those around them, but if you can get past those nadirs and keep moving it does turn upwards and things can improve.

Be strong my friends and stick close together and to your supports/be supportive whenever possible.

 

[Butters]

I’ve seen depression described as being like a big black dog weighing you down. To me, it feels more like trying to squeeze through a long, but narrow gap, between two rooms and getting stuck.

 

[Butters]

When suffering anxiety and stressed. How would you know if you were better? Well enough to work again, to rise to the challenge?

 

[Sibyl]

When suffering anxiety and stressed. How would you know if you were better? Well enough to work again, to rise to the challenge?

I wish I knew. I've thought I was ready, tried, and failed miserably.

In other news, I'm not doing so well right now.

It may be one of the meds I just started taking again, but this has actually been growing and growing for quite a while, long before I started on that pill. I think the pill, which is great for me in the long run, might be exacerbating my emotions right now.

I wish I could explain more but I'm not comfortable posting about it publicly right now.

 

[Avro Arrow]

^ Sending best wishes, @Scribble. We'll still be here when or if you are comfortable discussing further. Either way, you'll be in my thoughts. Take care.

 

[Sibyl]

Thank you, @Avro Arrow.

My body needs to find its balance again. It's been off kilter for so long now. I'm ready to feel somewhat normal again.

This heat sensitivity is killing me. I'm not sure I can survive another Summer, even in Minnesota.

Anyone know of any property for sale in the Arctic Circle?

 

[Sibyl]

So, on another forum where people tend to deal with mental health issues and psychiatrists and psychologists a lot I keep getting amateur diagnoses of some form of autism or personality disorder. Unsolicited diagnoses.

They're two items I've wanted to bring up with a therapist once I'm able to afford time with one, but I was thinking those things on my own. It's kind of rough hearing stuff like that some non-professionals outside of my own head. Not that I disagree, but to face up to the fact that other people have noticed it to the point that they'd say something is a little gutwrenching.

 

[Butters]

I’ve also been wondering about my own place on the autism spectrum and maybe getting assessed. I have a child with diagnosed autism, and the other one presents many of the signs. They must have got it from somewhere, and they’re both very like me, in very different ways.

I think a diagnosis, one way or the other, would certainly help with the coping strategies.

 

[Sibyl]

I’ve also been wondering about my own place on the autism spectrum and maybe getting assessed. I have a child with diagnosed autism, and the other one presents many of the signs. They must have got it from somewhere, and they’re both very like me, in very different ways.

I think a diagnosis, one way or the other, would certainly help with the coping strategies.

I totally, totally agree. I would welcome a professional diagnosis as an explanation of my own thoughts and behaviors. When it comes from lay people, though, it's a bit of a gut-punch.

Good luck! I hope you find your answers.

 

[Amaris]

So, on another forum where people tend to deal with mental health issues and psychiatrists and psychologists a lot I keep getting amateur diagnoses of some form of autism or personality disorder. Unsolicited diagnoses.

They're two items I've wanted to bring up with a therapist once I'm able to afford time with one, but I was thinking those things on my own. It's kind of rough hearing stuff like that some non-professionals outside of my own head. Not that I disagree, but to face up to the fact that other people have noticed it to the point that they'd say something is a little gutwrenching.

It does hurt, I understand. I think, ultimately, people just want to help, but some forms of help are more desirable than others, and there are often people who think "tough love" is the best form of that help, and it's often just cruelty.