Mental Wellness Support Group

[Peach Wookiee]

I’m dealing with the likelihood of my sibling being out of my life. I sent him an email, making one request: really see and hear me as I am. I don’t know who he is anymore, and perhaps, after his teen years, we never truly knew each other. We drifted apart. For the sake of my father, I have to try and communicate. However, I now suspect my sibling will lie…

 

[Moviefan2k4]

I’m dealing with the likelihood of my sibling being out of my life. I sent him an email, making one request: really see and hear me as I am. I don’t know who he is anymore, and perhaps, after his teen years, we never truly each other. We drifted apart. For the sake of my father, I have to try and communicate. However, I now suspect my sibling will lie…

I sympathize with you. My older brother is currently in prison for violating his parole, and our sister has said he's not getting out for at least another 18 months. He was also diagnosed with schizophrenia last year, plus his longtime girlfriend passed away and his house burned down. So I'm truly concerned for him, and he's often in my prayers. My main hope is that when he does get released, he comes out of it a much more stable man.

 

[somebuddyX]

I have been watching this like every day since I found it

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[Gryffindorian]

Growing old used to scare the #@$× out of me. It still does to some degree. I would think, "Geez, someday I'll turn 50!" Now here I am at that age, better off in some ways compared to my younger years. I have diabetes, and while I'm doing my best to manage it, I don't know what it's going to be like in the future.

I hear people talk about immortality or just longevity. In all honesty, I don't think I'd want to stick around for a long time, with a couple of exceptions: good health and financial security. My friend and I have spoken on numerous occasions how we value quality of life over quantity, seeing how we witnessed the health of loved ones and acquaintances decline. My sister, a healthcare worker, even recounts how older patients and their families (if any) deal with their medical situations and end-of-life planning.

I'm reminded of an aphorism: "It's not the years in your life that matter, but the life in your years."

 

[HIjol]

I am heading for 70.

The aches and pains blow.
The Wisdom and Life Experience plays,
The Fear is pointless…but it does creep…

…from time to time…

 

[fireproof78]

My sister in law called me and said she wanted on an opportunity to talk about what she felt was "her calling." I agreed, and then felt frustrated.

I don't like my calling, and there's not a single person I can say that to. My wife wants to argue about how good I am at my job and how people need me. Not really helpful. My parents always pushed for the Master's degree, and creates a frustration on how now that I have the Master's degree I need to be working. It's not meant as severe as it sounds, but it's a feeling I can't shake.

I find myself more irritable now because I don't know what to say.

 

[Fantasy Lover]

God, I hate that too. Whenever I feel shitty about the fact that I feel like achieved nothing in my life and others have achieved more or that I hate my job I get shitty advice.

My mom says she and my stepfather hate their job too. But their job didn't gave them on and off furlough since January 2021, my best friend says that I should be grateful I have a roof over my head, friends and a pet and it just sucks

 

[Gryffindorian]

I once took a brief course on Udemy called The Power of Deep Listening by Dr. Roger K. Allen. While I considered myself a good listener, I still had a lot to learn.

One of the important lessons is that, far too often, when we listen to a friend or loved one, there's a tendency for us to jump in and problem-solve, as if to make the other person feel better. This is not necessarily the right approach to every situation, according to the instructor. We have to let our family or friend own their feelings or experience. As listeners, we acknowledge what was said and mirror the other person. I learned a lot from the course.

Link: https://www.rogerkallen.com/the-art-of-deep-listening/

 

[fireproof78]

I once took a brief course on Udemy called The Power of Deep Listening by Dr. Roger K. Allen. While I considered myself a good listener, I still had a lot to learn.

One of the important lessons is that, far too often, when we listen to a friend or loved one, there's a tendency for us to jump in and problem-solve, as if to make the other person feel better. This is not necessarily the right approach to every situation, according to the instructor. We have to let our family or friend own their feelings or experience. As listeners, we acknowledge what was said and mirror the other person. I learned a lot from the course.

Counselors have to learn a similar skill.

My wife is a definite fixer and a good problem solved. The problem is that the problem has nothing to do with her, or our relationship. It's not really something to fix.

 

[raneclowd]

There is nothing worse than when you are trying to express your feelings/thoughts that someone thinks they can fix it for you with their positive sayings/quotes or impulse to solve it for you when what you really want is for someone to listen and understand. It can be more frustrating and irritating.

There’s a reason people can fall in love with their therapists…when one of them truly learns to actually listen to you and focuses on you to understand what you are trying to say and then uses “reflection” to say it back to you and couches in terms that relate to you, you feel like you have found someone who gets you finally. It’s freeing and draws you out. (To see a good example of this, there is a show “River” on Britbox where the police psychologist does this to the extent you are convinced she is interested in him. Well she is but not in the way you think…as my spouse, who has a masters in psychology pointed out, she is fascinated with his brain and what has formed how he is and what’s going on in there. To the untrained it can look quite intense and intimate. Which it is but not in the way you might think).

 

[Gryffindorian]

In my Calm app, I listen to many of Tamara Levitt's mindfulness audio recordings. One particular track talks about "Holding Space," which is being present with someone in the moment without the need to say anything or judge. She talks about an old friend who had lost a loved one. Tamara narrates how she spent some time with her friend. They cried together, laughed together, reminisced, and just sat in silence. The friend was very grateful to Tamara for her presence, better than the many casseroles other people had sent. Our gift of attention is not only enough, but it's what others need.

 

[Victoria]

Having an absolutely horrendous few days. I am having trauma dreams that are bleeding into real life and flashbacks triggered by things like folding bedlinen, trying to buy bananas (the trigger was the checkouts which appear in a particularly bad trauma dream), and the news that the DWP tried using AI to read letters (the DWP are a reliable source of severe stress in my life). I rang my crisis number on Sunday only to get a voice mail and they haven't rung back

I have just woken from a bad dream and have vomited several times. I am cold and shaking. It's times like this when I can't stop the horror that suicide seems a good idea. It'll stop the pain that nothing else does.

I am writing this in the hope that telling someone is going to help at least slightly. Please do not worry that I am going to kill myself at this point. It would require more organisation and concentration than that of which I am capable at the minute. You are already helping by giving me things on which I can focus.

Edit for spelling

 

[Bynar0110]

Planning on ditching mental health doc and therapist if telehealth ends on Apr 1. I'm not wasting my time to go in person with my bad back to be bored to death by seeing the therapist or mental health doc. I only put up with them since it's telehealth. The pain in my back isn't worth the trouble getting mental health meds. I don't think the withdraws from both a benzo and the vibrid will be that bad if I cut back slowly.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Having an absolutely horrendous few days.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. The "support" reaction seems so inadequate in these types of situations. I hope the crisis line gets back to you right away. I am not familiar enough with the type of situation you're going through to know what else I can say/do that might be helpful, but we're here to listen if wanted, and to offer whatever support we can.

 

[Bynar0110]

I hope I die from eating a large tub of ice cream that I'm munching on right now.

 

[raneclowd]

I hope I die from eating a large tub of ice cream that I'm munching on right now.

If it’s Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey, I’m with you on that.

 

[raneclowd]

Having an absolutely horrendous few days.

So sorry to hear this. I wake up sometimes with intense anxiety and intense dreams. I hope they call you back soon.

 

[fireproof78]

Planning on ditching mental health doc and therapist if telehealth ends on Apr 1. I'm not wasting my time to go in person with my bad back to be bored to death by seeing the therapist or mental health doc. I only put up with them since it's telehealth. The pain in my back isn't worth the trouble getting mental health meds. I don't think the withdraws from both a benzo and the vibrid will be that bad if I cut back slowly.

Needs to be monitored with a benzo.

 

[raneclowd]

I was looking for something I had read that helped me understand how to react when someone wants/needs to vent…found something similar:

"An important question to ask before the venting really starts going is whether the person just wants to be heard and validated (they may just want a sounding board, someone to listen to them and empathize with them so that they’re not feeling alone or overwhelmed from keeping all their emotions pent up) or if they want opinions and advice at the end…if you [just] start responding with unsolicited opinions or problem-solving advice, the individual can quickly feel invalidated.” - https://upjourney.com/how-to-respond-to-someone-venting

 

[fireproof78]

I was looking for something I had read that helped me understand how to react when someone wants/needs to vent…found something similar:

"An important question to ask before the venting really starts going is whether the person just wants to be heard and validated (they may just want a sounding board, someone to listen to them and empathize with them so that they’re not feeling alone or overwhelmed from keeping all their emotions pent up) or if they want opinions and advice at the end…if you [just] start responding with unsolicited opinions or problem-solving advice, the individual can quickly feel invalidated.” - https://upjourney.com/how-to-respond-to-someone-venting

It's my experience this is accurate.

Wife and I try to give a caveat of "need to vent" or "need solutions."

A common video used to train on this concept is below.

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