In all honesty, if someone is acting that way, I really doubt that telling his wife would do anything positive. I would agree with the rest that you really should notify the police as soon as possible. That is really not normal behavior.
Married Men -- no all Men I have question.
- Thread starter Cakes488
- Start date
I agree with the consensus. From the description, this guy has the potential to be dangerous. Tell the local police, carry mace and do not be alone up there. And make sure all the neighbors know about him.
Have you called the police yet? If you haven't, please do so right now. Make an appointment to speak with them before you go to the house this weekend. Get the restraining order, too.
We're all worried for you, Cakes. Please be very careful and take care of yourself.
And keep us posted.
We're all worried for you, Cakes. Please be very careful and take care of yourself.
And keep us posted.
Agree with most of what is on here.
Do you know any of the police in the local station - have an informal talk with them, make them aware that there might be a problem.
Talking to the wife now might short circuit the whole thing. The only issue might be if you are believed or not.
Idea: take a video camera or mobile phone, keep it close. If he appears on the road or at the door, record him yelling out - chances are he'll do it again. Show his wife, show the police. Evidence speaks louder than anything you could say.
If I pulled shit like this, my SO would bite my head off. At the knees.
AND I'd deserve it.
Do you know any of the police in the local station - have an informal talk with them, make them aware that there might be a problem.
Talking to the wife now might short circuit the whole thing. The only issue might be if you are believed or not.
Idea: take a video camera or mobile phone, keep it close. If he appears on the road or at the door, record him yelling out - chances are he'll do it again. Show his wife, show the police. Evidence speaks louder than anything you could say.
If I pulled shit like this, my SO would bite my head off. At the knees.
AND I'd deserve it.
As the resident married, hedonistic, ethical slut, with an open marriage I have this to say:
1) Call the cops NOW and file a report. Every time he touches you that is an instance of simple battery, which is the unlawful laying of ones hands upon the other
2) Narc out to his wife. Narc out to your neighbors. You have to make people aware. By doing so they may actually start looking out for you. Don't cover for this creep. You need witnesses. By keeping silent you may never find out if any other neighbors are aware of this. By keeping silent you harm your self. Screw him and his reputation
3) Get some sort of defensive weapon you can conceal (pepper spray, taser, pistol*, carbine, M109 Howitzer, etc..). Learn how to use what ever you choose.
Do all three in that order, one right after the other, not one or the other. Get witnesses, video tape things, etc.. If anything keep repeating step #1 every time you feel threatened. If necessary and you have the evidence, go for a restraining order.
The guy is a creep / stalker / rapist in waiting. The 1st time you made it clear that the answer was no he should have heeded your statement and taken it to heart. The fact that he hasn't, and appears to be operating from the idea of "no means maybe" is scary. As for having your friend pay him a visit, that can be dicey. There is no way to tell how this nut job would react.
Oh and don't threaten him at all. Just take action and call the police. In this day and age the "no" is good enough. If he doesn't get the message, than too bad on him. Threatening him may cause him to take action before you can
Some other advice, make sure you have good dead bolts on all the doors and make sure you have locks on the windows.
*= Since you live on Long Island and vacation in upstate NY you can own a pistol. You just cant drive across the bridge and transit NYC to get to upstate NY with you. So if you choose to buy one, then buy the pistol upstate and secure it there, or buy it on Long Island. There are quite a few gun shops near New Hyde Park and Mineola on the Jericho Turnpike. Buy it there and have them ship it to a gun dealer upstate and store it there. Or you could take the ferry and bypass NYC all together.
1) Call the cops NOW and file a report. Every time he touches you that is an instance of simple battery, which is the unlawful laying of ones hands upon the other
2) Narc out to his wife. Narc out to your neighbors. You have to make people aware. By doing so they may actually start looking out for you. Don't cover for this creep. You need witnesses. By keeping silent you may never find out if any other neighbors are aware of this. By keeping silent you harm your self. Screw him and his reputation
3) Get some sort of defensive weapon you can conceal (pepper spray, taser, pistol*, carbine, M109 Howitzer, etc..). Learn how to use what ever you choose.
Do all three in that order, one right after the other, not one or the other. Get witnesses, video tape things, etc.. If anything keep repeating step #1 every time you feel threatened. If necessary and you have the evidence, go for a restraining order.
The guy is a creep / stalker / rapist in waiting. The 1st time you made it clear that the answer was no he should have heeded your statement and taken it to heart. The fact that he hasn't, and appears to be operating from the idea of "no means maybe" is scary. As for having your friend pay him a visit, that can be dicey. There is no way to tell how this nut job would react.
Oh and don't threaten him at all. Just take action and call the police. In this day and age the "no" is good enough. If he doesn't get the message, than too bad on him. Threatening him may cause him to take action before you can
Some other advice, make sure you have good dead bolts on all the doors and make sure you have locks on the windows.
I understand what you are saying but that is the worst advice. Be it a 25mm Bushmaster chain gun, pepper spray, a taser or a wooden spoon, you have to practice with the weapon of your choice for it to be effective when you need it. If you dont the chances of being able to employ it in a high stress situation will be some where between slim and none.
*= Since you live on Long Island and vacation in upstate NY you can own a pistol. You just cant drive across the bridge and transit NYC to get to upstate NY with you. So if you choose to buy one, then buy the pistol upstate and secure it there, or buy it on Long Island. There are quite a few gun shops near New Hyde Park and Mineola on the Jericho Turnpike. Buy it there and have them ship it to a gun dealer upstate and store it there. Or you could take the ferry and bypass NYC all together.
FrontLine, with all due respect - you have some really good advice here - the way to use pepper spray is to (1) point it and (2) spray it. That's pretty much it. Sure, you should probably do that a couple of times before you need to - actually, I believe the directions specify that you have to to ensure the nozzle is full and ready to go in case you need it - but I very much doubt that anything more than that would be helpful. It's not like you need to aim at a target or anything. You just need to know which part to point at an intruder and which part to push. And to make sure you're not standing downwind.
Tasers no doubt require a little bit more practice, but nothing compared to that required to be effective with a gun. That's all I was trying to say.
And Cakes has made it absolutely clear she doesn't want a gun.
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This all sounds very alarming (and I haven't gotten past the first page 
).
Cakes, you've gotta take care of yourself. I wouldn't expect the wife stuff to work as it sounds like this is something he has done quite often (and gotten away with). You've already warned him, so I'm not sure why you haven't contacted the authorities and started protecting yourself.
).Cakes, you've gotta take care of yourself. I wouldn't expect the wife stuff to work as it sounds like this is something he has done quite often (and gotten away with). You've already warned him, so I'm not sure why you haven't contacted the authorities and started protecting yourself.
As usual, LoB posts the truth. This, this and this.
Perhaps not, but is your life?
With due respect I will have to disagree with you. Yes having the tool is critical and gives an edge, but with out training in its use, it leaves one exposed. Self defense / Personal protection is something that must be practiced. Its not simply about pulling and randomly spraying. You have to practice pulling it out of your purse / off your belt. You have to practice taking aim with the spray (you do have to aim it) while someone is coming after you / in a stressful situation. If you dont do that, if you dont prepare you are much more likely to fumble / spray yourself in the face / miss entirely. Interestingly you are less likely to do this with a taser or a pistol. But one should always train. As for the not wanting, I saw that as CANT own one and I was showing her how she could if she so chose to.
Oh and screw the pepper spray. This product by kimber is a lot more effective and easier to use (I.e. less of a chance of spraying your self and better aimability)
LOL I see you just want to add to my problems!
Locotus & the restraining order advocates...
Me and the neighbors just don't hang out like this...thank god. It's very rural..praise be. I haven't even seen my other neighbors this season. When he's over no other neighbors can see. They're not miles away but there's a bit of woods inbetween. I've had a good run of steady company and I'm covered the next two weekends...but you bet your bippy I'll be going alone again....I like it and this little prick ain't gonna stop that. I'm sorry but he's not scaring me...actually it's he who should be scared because he's going to be getting a new asshole and I understand that it's quite painful without anesthesia. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt just one more time now and consider him a pest....restraining order is over the top at the moment...it is. Now. If he does it after this ass ripping than we gotta problem. It could escalate but I don't think it will. I want to make clear that he hasn't touched me after that first day....which granted he did repeatedly.. but I don't think he would dare put a hand on me again as he will pull back a nub. Oh and yeah and once again I'm definitely going there again alone...I'm not paying this mortgage so the mice can have the place full time.....fuck that.
First I love the description of yourself!!
People in my life know about this. The neighbors don't fall in that category. And the point is to stay away from these people...it's my getaway!! LOL I do agree to ask him if I need to tell Jean about this. I think that would be quite effective because I don't think I'll be telling Jeanie...I think that statement would squash this shit and shirvel up what little dick he has. But I see I'm in the minority with this mode of thinking.
I think my friend would be effective too. He's nice and tall.
You're coming with me to get this pepper spray! LOL Dick's sporting goods gotta have it.
Numerous people have said this already so let me just reiterate:
Stalker.
Restraining order.
Mace. Preferably with suspect identification ink.
Psychotic people have a way of ruining your life in a matter of seconds. I speak from experience on this one.
Stalker.
Restraining order.
Mace. Preferably with suspect identification ink.
Psychotic people have a way of ruining your life in a matter of seconds. I speak from experience on this one.
Cakes, listen to Bears, she knows what she is talking about here.
I don't think he's psychotic though! He's not stalking...he's not around every corner or peeping in my window. Isn't that stalking?
Oh, Cakes. Forget the pepper-spray mace; if you can't hit your target from a distance, it's useless. Use this mace instead.
Or a baseball bat with nails in it oughtta work.
Yes, however every behavior of his that you have described here is also stalking.
I'm of two minds regarding whether or not telling his wife will do anything positive in this situation. It could resolve the situation, but I think that's highly unlikely. I'd bet dollars to donuts that he has her so manipulated that she'll either never believe you, or she'll blame you for it all.
Some general advice though
1. You say the house isn't worth putting money into a security system. However, in this case it is not your house that you are protecting with it, but rather the house's contents...YOU! Ask yourself if your life is worth the money it would take to install the security system, should it become necessary.
2. Check any deadbolts or locks installed in the house and make sure they work. If there are no deadbolts, install them. If the house lacks window locks, install them. Any single cylinder deadbolt located on a door with a window in it or immediately next to it needs to be replaced with a double cylinder deadbolt as a part of this. Frontline's bar across the window preventing it from opening is also a good idea.
3. Call the Police. TONIGHT. It may be possible to file a report over the phone. You should also make an appointment to meet with a local cop to talk about this.
4. Ask the local sheriff/police department about having someone walk through your home and make recommendations regarding improving you home's security.
Lastly, one final question that I'm very surprised no one else has asked. These homes are vacation homes and neither of you are there often. However, how do you know he's not snopping around your home when you are not there? How do you know that he has not already broken into the home or identified a way to get into the home quietly and without anyone seeing him?
One thing about the mace: Price counts. The cheaper end of the scales tends to be the crapper (ie weaker) type. What you need, if it's available in your area, is a good brand with a adhesive (ie doesn't wash off easy) and a dye ink (as was mentioned up thread). My advice: Go to the local battered womens shelter, YWCA, or rape crisis center tell them your situation and they might have some recommendations. Your better quality firearms stores will also be able to help you.
One woman I worked with had a problem with her ex-husband not getting the hint that "Divorce means no more sex" and kept showing up using the excuse that he paid alimony, that meant she had to give him sex. Nothing got through his head-- arrests, restraing order, pissed off big brother, so she got a can of Easy Off oven cleaner and carried it with her. One spray of that in the face the night he got drunk and kicked in the back door to her house and the fucker got the hint.
One woman I worked with had a problem with her ex-husband not getting the hint that "Divorce means no more sex" and kept showing up using the excuse that he paid alimony, that meant she had to give him sex. Nothing got through his head-- arrests, restraing order, pissed off big brother, so she got a can of Easy Off oven cleaner and carried it with her. One spray of that in the face the night he got drunk and kicked in the back door to her house and the fucker got the hint.
As a man with a fairly good grasp of the male mind and having known some psychos in my day, I have to agree with the general consensus around here, as much as it pains me to do so:
Tell the cops (though I think an actual restraining order is premature at this point).
Tell his wife (but be prepared for possible repercussions after she confronts him).
Tell your family and friends who he is, where he lives, what he drives, etc.
ARM YOURSELF. Fuck pepper spray, GET A GUN, and learn how to use it if you don't know already. If you don't like guns or are uncomfortable with them, fuck pepper spray - get bear spray. Anything that can drive off a charging grizzly bear will wreck his shit. Back it up with a knife, and keep both on you at all times when you of the house, and somewhere accessible while in the house, as he knows where you live, how to get in, when you're home, etc. Let him know you are armed, preferably with visual proof. Also keep something you can use to defend yourself in every room and outside. These things don't have to be dedicated weapons - just anything that will hurt and/or maim.
I realize that he doesn't seem dangerous to you, and you know what? I kinda agree. I was very close to telling you just to threaten him, but cautiously, and be prepared for his possible reaction. However, this guy is displaying some nasty warning signs. Asking if you're alone? Scoping out your house as he drives by? Granted he's a coward, but he wants something from you and doesn't like taking no for an answer. Better to be safe than sorry, especially since you guys aren't great friends in the first place. Nothing lost if you're wrong and all this is an overreaction.
Tell the cops (though I think an actual restraining order is premature at this point).
Tell his wife (but be prepared for possible repercussions after she confronts him).
Tell your family and friends who he is, where he lives, what he drives, etc.
ARM YOURSELF. Fuck pepper spray, GET A GUN, and learn how to use it if you don't know already. If you don't like guns or are uncomfortable with them, fuck pepper spray - get bear spray. Anything that can drive off a charging grizzly bear will wreck his shit. Back it up with a knife, and keep both on you at all times when you of the house, and somewhere accessible while in the house, as he knows where you live, how to get in, when you're home, etc. Let him know you are armed, preferably with visual proof. Also keep something you can use to defend yourself in every room and outside. These things don't have to be dedicated weapons - just anything that will hurt and/or maim.
I realize that he doesn't seem dangerous to you, and you know what? I kinda agree. I was very close to telling you just to threaten him, but cautiously, and be prepared for his possible reaction. However, this guy is displaying some nasty warning signs. Asking if you're alone? Scoping out your house as he drives by? Granted he's a coward, but he wants something from you and doesn't like taking no for an answer. Better to be safe than sorry, especially since you guys aren't great friends in the first place. Nothing lost if you're wrong and all this is an overreaction.
Cakes, listen to Captain Ice. Captain Ice is wise.
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Then I'm confused...
Anyway, so it's the next weekend now (end of July) and he "runs" into me again which was totally manufactured by him and he asks me if I'm alone there...
last weekend this bastard stops his car in front of my house and yells out to me (my house is about 75 feet from the road too...its not right there) and asks me if I was alone again. (and I was!)
What part of him continuing to make advances after being explicitly told not to, touching you and trying to kiss you against your will, entering your home without your permission, and constantly staring at you and asking if you're alone doesn't strike you as stalking and the actions of a potential rapist?
If the events described above are accurate, you seriously need to stop minimizing his behavior. Clearly it "creeped you the fuck out," so why are you backing off from your initial impression when people are universally telling you that it's a dangerous situation?
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