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Amaris
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Sure it is, if you use a sledgehammer to drive down railroad spikes, and to fix a hole in your sweater.
Lost In The Infinite Saddness
- Thread starter Taylirious
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Sure it is, if you use a sledgehammer to drive down railroad spikes, and to fix a hole in your sweater.
It's not always as simple as we think.
Rita, again, may have more complex issues what she's said.
Rita, again, may have more complex issues what she's said.
Yeah, basic advice. As basic as Talk Radio and as useless.
Don't blame Peach for what you said. It's dangerously simplistic under any circumstances.
My parents rely on me right now so just walking away isn't an option and I don't have the means to just walk away right now anyway. My siblings aren't there for them and I get stuck having to help them out. I don't mind it to a degree but they are negative and a lot of other family members don't help either and are negative and I just wish I could walk away. Honestly the frustration of dealing with my family and something(two things) horrible that happened recently kinda hit me harder than I thought and I just broke down. I usually don't like to complain about the family stuff because part of it is my fault.
Anyway frustration with family + some very sad/horrible stuff I didn't deal with properly when it happened = this thread.
I do appreciate everyone's kind words and your opinions.
Anyway frustration with family + some very sad/horrible stuff I didn't deal with properly when it happened = this thread.
I do appreciate everyone's kind words and your opinions.
A
Amaris
Guest
My parents rely on me right now so just walking away isn't an option and I don't have the means to just walk away right now anyway. My siblings aren't there for them and I get stuck having to help them out. I don't mind it to a degree but they are negative and a lot of other family members don't help either and are negative and I just wish I could walk away. Honestly the frustration of dealing with my family and something(two things) horrible that happened recently kinda hit me harder than I thought and I just broke down. I usually don't like to complain about the family stuff because part of it is my fault.
Anyway frustration with family + some very sad/horrible stuff I didn't deal with properly when it happened = this thread.
I do appreciate everyone's kind words and your opinions.
I figured it had to be something more than "I just don't want to leave." I hope things work out for you, Rita.
PM me if you need someone to talk to, Rita.
I've been thinking about this thread having felt trapped in different life situations in the past. Really most of us will end up there at some point, to varying degrees. Life isn't just endless options despite what people who've never been in such a situation sometimes think.
My comments..
1. (already said this but reiterating) Carve out as much of your own life as you can. Internet, yes, but have something you do at a minimum of once a month outside the house which is your interest with other people not connected to family. That can be the hard part, but it's worth the effort.
2. Honestly look at what they are relying on you for and ask yourself what would happen if you stepped away for a day, or an expectation, or a requirement. For part of the relying. If there's medical or transport needs are there services you could use to give yourself a break? I have a friend who is in this situation with her mother, no one else will do it including her father and she is there on call 24 hours a day. We have relief care available in the community, government funded etc.. and she's had the church offer to do things as well. BUT her mother refuses it. Do not let yourself be tied down by other people's pride. Sure everyone would prefer not to have strangers do stuff for them, but that's not enough reason to give up your life completely.
If stepping back and having a scheduled break one day a week, or for one particular expectation causes family to get stressed or angry then that is unhealthy for you and that's what you need to take a stand about. People do get used to it eventually. People get used to whatever you let them get used to, including having a family member give up their life for for them.
My comments..
1. (already said this but reiterating) Carve out as much of your own life as you can. Internet, yes, but have something you do at a minimum of once a month outside the house which is your interest with other people not connected to family. That can be the hard part, but it's worth the effort.
2. Honestly look at what they are relying on you for and ask yourself what would happen if you stepped away for a day, or an expectation, or a requirement. For part of the relying. If there's medical or transport needs are there services you could use to give yourself a break? I have a friend who is in this situation with her mother, no one else will do it including her father and she is there on call 24 hours a day. We have relief care available in the community, government funded etc.. and she's had the church offer to do things as well. BUT her mother refuses it. Do not let yourself be tied down by other people's pride. Sure everyone would prefer not to have strangers do stuff for them, but that's not enough reason to give up your life completely.
If stepping back and having a scheduled break one day a week, or for one particular expectation causes family to get stressed or angry then that is unhealthy for you and that's what you need to take a stand about. People do get used to it eventually. People get used to whatever you let them get used to, including having a family member give up their life for for them.
A
Amaris
Guest
I agree with teacake. One can be so in the thick of things as to see absolutely zero options, but there are places where you can carve out some time for yourself. It's not much, but it's there. It won't take the place of a "real" life, but it can help.
Sometimes the best advice is the most simple. I think Jarod's piece of advice is comparable to the solution of the Gordian Knot. Both emphasizes attacking the problem directly.
Oh please. So you're stuck taking care of your family because they are sick or whatever and it impacts badly on your life. So you just what, cut them off?
Life is not a Nike ad you know.
Life is not a Nike ad you know.
I know people who did exactly that. It worked well for them. I guess it's one side of the perspective you could take into consideration.
So they were responsible for their family's welfare in some way, their family who they loved despite the burden this placed on their life and then one day they said fuck it and "got rid of it"?
That makes them a jerk. OR it makes them someone who burned out real bad, cracked it and ran away. The advice in this thread is about how not to be the person who burned out, but about how to think about coping strategies for burdens.
If the OP was posting about an utterly toxic situation where there was no love I would say "getting rid of it" would be worth looking at. But that has yet to be indicated.
That makes them a jerk. OR it makes them someone who burned out real bad, cracked it and ran away. The advice in this thread is about how not to be the person who burned out, but about how to think about coping strategies for burdens.
If the OP was posting about an utterly toxic situation where there was no love I would say "getting rid of it" would be worth looking at. But that has yet to be indicated.
I was just perusing a completely unrelated site, where someone was asking how to deal with an intrusive ex.
Several people replied "baseball bat."
On other threads, people ask "How can I make money?"
People reply "Sell your body."
Other times, people ask "How do I cope with a demanding boss?"
"Tell him to take this job and shove it."
"Should I use nonlethal bean bags in my security work?"
"No, if you have any reason at all to aim a gun at someone, blow them away."
I think these helpful sixth graders do the internet a great service.
Several people replied "baseball bat."
On other threads, people ask "How can I make money?"
People reply "Sell your body."
Other times, people ask "How do I cope with a demanding boss?"
"Tell him to take this job and shove it."
"Should I use nonlethal bean bags in my security work?"
"No, if you have any reason at all to aim a gun at someone, blow them away."
I think these helpful sixth graders do the internet a great service.
A
Amaris
Guest
Don't be silly. Everything is in black and white, and all of your problems can be easily answered with a "yes" or a "no."
Let's phrase is differently then.
If you have a responsibility (which is, for example, having to take care of someone (like parents, siblings or children), then you have to get your shit together. Because it's not about you. If you find an alternative, so that someone else takes over the responsibility, take that opportunity.
If there are no responsibilities to whatever depresses you, you can (and in my opinion should) walk away. It's your life after all, and you only have one of it (unless the "What Happens After Death" discussion thread takes a different turn
), and in that case nobody has the right to ruin it for you.
If you have a responsibility (which is, for example, having to take care of someone (like parents, siblings or children), then you have to get your shit together. Because it's not about you. If you find an alternative, so that someone else takes over the responsibility, take that opportunity.
If there are no responsibilities to whatever depresses you, you can (and in my opinion should) walk away. It's your life after all, and you only have one of it (unless the "What Happens After Death" discussion thread takes a different turn
), and in that case nobody has the right to ruin it for you.
There are also concepts known as "negotiation" and "distancing". Helpful in obtaining results somewhere between martyrdom and heroism.
Either/Or is one way of looking at things - but only one way, and there are many. When it comes to family, quick answers are not often enough.
Either/Or is one way of looking at things - but only one way, and there are many. When it comes to family, quick answers are not often enough.
A
Amaris
Guest
Let's phrase is differently then.
If you have a responsibility (which is, for example, having to take care of someone (like parents, siblings or children), then you have to get your shit together. Because it's not about you. If you find an alternative, so that someone else takes over the responsibility, take that opportunity.
If there are no responsibilities to whatever depresses you, you can (and in my opinion should) walk away. It's your life after all, and you only have one of it (unless the "What Happens After Death" discussion thread takes a different turn
Perhaps you should abstain from giving advice, period.
Well, you don't have to follow it if you disagree with it, do you? Everyone is responsible for themselves.
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