Lost In The Infinite Saddness

[Taylirious]

How do I get out!?

If it was chemical I would have been out years ago.

I am drowning.

I have been stuck in this family - negative thing since I was 18 and it sucks. I am 35 and I want my own life!



[edit] I am

 

[Peach Wookiee]

Rita, do you have a regular psychiatrist and a good doctor? And if you can, talk out your frustrations with your family.

 

[Triskelion]

No no no, no. I mean I agree with that good advice, but to a point. Help, yes, talk yes, but not everyone is motivated to hear or respect the truth. So it depends on who you're talking to.

Psychiatry is clinical, maybe not warranted. First see if the problems can't be addressed by a hypnotherapist, then a psychologist or social worker or marriage and family therapist. These people are trained in behavior. Only then, if the problem is discovered as having a neurological basis, should you consult a malpractice-trained pusher, I mean medical professional. A psychiatrist may be trained in reducing symptoms but not necessarily root causes.

Present company excepted of course.

Rita Hayworth, if your family is a source for negative feelings, consider the possibility that the problem is theirs and you are coping the way any human being with natural empathy would - expressing your personal power the only avenue they leave available to you: withdrawal.

Then again, if you're engaging in self-destructive behavior for other reasons, then you'll have to face that. Either way, humans who wish to graduate into adulthood must take responsibility and accountability for their actions and how they make their own family feel. Maybe that's you, maybe that's them. Maybe it's all of you.

If I were you I might consider getting a professional perspective - learn how to improve my coping strategies until I could put myself in a healthier emotional or geographical state. Then again, you shouldn't consider this advice but only a point of view.

You're on a journey of self-discovery. Are your shortcomings that which cause you to feel bad around family? Or are they merely lies and labels aimed at undermining you? First you might discover the truth, then face it. Also remember that if you get support from others that your family doesn't provide, the positive reinforcement might cause you to stay stuck in self-pity and depression. There are other ways of getting affirmation too.

Find a paraprofessional or professional you have a good rapport with. Don't hold your breath waiting for others to grow up and be responsible adults. That don't always happen.

 

[Gryffindorian]

People here can provide emotional support, but you may want to seek professional help.

 

[Saga]

just taking a shot in the dark...but if your family is the source of pain then you need to separate yourself from them. or at least make some distance. if you are always around people who cause you pain then you can never really escape.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

I've had the luxury of being able to completely cut off one relative that was extremely toxic. I say luxury because circumstances made it possible to live far away from them. I realize not everyone has these choices. I think if you're stuck in a family and place that is suffocating you and you don't have the finances to make a big move that gives you distance it would absolutely suck. I would suggest you try and carve out as much life outside of family as you can, whether it be via internet or making a big effort to get a social group IRL that is completely separate from them. I know that's not really enough sometimes, but it can be a mental lifesaver.

 

[Peach Wookiee]

Rita, try some exercise too if you can. I've found in the last few days that exercising has helped me calm down.

 

[Taylirious]

I appreciate everyone's kind words and your opinions. Yeah I need to get away from my family. I talked to someone a few years back and they said I was fine and I just need to be easy on myself and not worry too much about things I can't control. I do enjoy walking, so I might try to do that on the regular. I feel foolish now, don't know why I was so down...it has been a long time since I felt that bad and something happened I don't want to discuss but it hit me harder than I thought it would. Thanks again for your time and insight.

 

[Amaris]

I hope you feel better soon, Rita. Believe me when I tell you that I empathize.

 

[JarodRussell]

If family = parents --> move the hell away
If family = wife and kids --> get your shit together

 

[Peach Wookiee]

Jarod, sometimes it isn't that simple. I get down because of my folks, but it's not simple. I can't walk away from it. For my dad's sake, I can't. I'd feel worse if I did.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Rita, don't feel foolish for having feelings. Your feelings are legitimate, both the good ones and the bad ones. I was in the same predicament once, stuck in a dismal family situation. Fortunately, I was able to move out when I was 21, but my teenage years were troublesome indeed. What I know from that experience is that they can't get inside your head unless you let them. That is your sanctum sanctorum. Your freedom is always with you in your thoughts and dreams until you can make it real.

 

[JarodRussell]

Jarod, sometimes it isn't that simple. I get down because of my folks, but it's not simple. I can't walk away from it. For my dad's sake, I can't. I'd feel worse if I did.

Eventually you would realize that this was not the case.

Sometimes you just have to cut off your arm under extreme pain, and then learn to live without it, to survive.

 

[Peach Wookiee]

Perhaps you don't know... we both take care of my mother. I'm worried about my dad.

 

[Triskelion]

Jarod, sometimes it isn't that simple. I get down because of my folks, but it's not simple. I can't walk away from it. For my dad's sake, I can't. I'd feel worse if I did.

Eventually you would realize that this was not the case.

Sometimes you just have to cut off your arm under extreme pain, and then learn to live without it, to survive.

Lighten up, Francis.

Oh, and - you might consider asking a question before giving answers in life.

 

[JarodRussell]

Jarod, sometimes it isn't that simple. I get down because of my folks, but it's not simple. I can't walk away from it. For my dad's sake, I can't. I'd feel worse if I did.

Eventually you would realize that this was not the case.

Sometimes you just have to cut off your arm under extreme pain, and then learn to live without it, to survive.

Lighten up, Francis.

Oh, and - you might consider asking a question before giving answers in life.

I consider it basic advice. If something bogs you down, get rid of it. The excuses not to get rid of it are plenty. The options always are to get rid of it, or to go on with it and complain about it.

And then again my initial response was directed at Rita Hayworth who said she wanted her own life. And I said, go get it if you talk about your parents, and get your shit together if you talk about your own family. It's really not my fault that my response got hijacked by Peach Wookie's own different problems that are revealed in slices.

 

[Avon]

wow you've clearly not made many difficult decisions if you think those are the only options in life.

 

[Peach Wookiee]

Not hijacking, Jarod. Just pointing out that things are not always so simple as you're trying to make them. Rita hasn't told us what is the issue with her family and she may not be able to simply walk away. So she needs to find some other ways to help herself. If she can vent to a therapist, that might be a viable solution. Or even finding a form of exercise or crafts could help. Rita, if you can't leave all of it, try something that refocuses you. Do something that is yours.

 

[Hound of UIster]

Eventually you would realize that this was not the case.

Sometimes you just have to cut off your arm under extreme pain, and then learn to live without it, to survive.

Lighten up, Francis.

Oh, and - you might consider asking a question before giving answers in life.

I consider it basic advice. If something bogs you down, get rid of it. The excuses not to get rid of it are plenty. The options always are to get rid of it, or to go on with it and complain about it.

This is very good advice.

 

[Triskelion]

For someone else's family, sure.

These extremes are sometimes necessary, but not because some random internet person thinks that's all someone's family is worth.

Professional counselors don't even tell people what to do, but this guy's got it all figured out in a tweet.

Sorry Jarod, I don't mean to single you out, but you have no information nor any stake in someone else's consequences.

Barking dog? Shoot it. Next!