Lines you'd have liked to have heard in TATV.

[cooleddie74]

TRAVIS: The black guy with almost no lines is the only survivor on the ship? SWEET!

TRIP: Go help Shran's kid yourself, sir. Starfleet don't pay me to go down like a punk ass bitch.

 

[ChristopherPike]

"And the grand total raised so far is $3 million and still rising... We now go live outside to the gates Paramount where a loyal band of Star Trek fans are gathered."

 

[Guy Gardener]

Hoshi: "It was amazing, we visited this mirror universe where I was in charge, I was the Empress of the Terran Empire... But it got really weird when she frenched me."

Tucker: "Jonathan, I love you like no man has ever loved another man, will you marry me?"

Reed "I got some pictures back of my baby girl, she's so cute. Just like her mother."

Maywheather "Sir can I get off shift early, Commander Tucker and I have scheduled our weekly chicken and watermelon eating contest for 0400 and I want to do some stretches before hand."

 

[Pensive]

Guy Gardener said:
Maywheather "Sir can I get off shift early, Commander Tucker and I have scheduled our weekly chicken and watermelon eating contest for 0400 and I want to do some stretches before hand."

Now THAT I would have paid to see

 

[Guy Gardener]

Deanna: "Okay, Will the next phase in your therapy is to go back into that holoprogram, but everyone will now be nude with the exception of black socks."

Riker: "So T'Pol, you're a Romulan spy? I'm having a problem with Romulans at the moment if you have a minute to give me some advice?"

Riker "So Reed, you're a Section 31 spy? I'm having a problem with Section 31 at the moment if you have a minute to give me some advice?"

Deanna: "Archers Quarters are small. Remember the time we snuck into Captain Picards quarters and did it?"

 

[Odon]

T'Pol comes to terms with Trip's death by beating Shran to a pulp.

At the signing of the Federation Charter, Phlox's smile gets so wide his head falls off.


Shran: "You owe me!"
Archer: "I still owe you a thorough beating, you little punk!"

Archer: "Why don't you just give the Tenebian amethyst back to them?"
Shran: "BECAUSE IT'S MINE! My precccccious!"

Archer at the ceremony: "Hey everyone! See, up there on the balcony? That's me and that jerk Daniels! He's a secret time agent from the future!"

 

[Alyssa]

Odon said:

Archer at the ceremony: "Hey everyone! See, up there on the balcony? That's me and that jerk Daniels! He's a secret time agent from the future!"

 

[pookha]

 

[Captain X]

 

[cooleddie74]

MALCOLM: Dammit. This is the last episode and the last time anyone's likely going to see me in this franchise, and I didn't get to blow enough shit up.

ARCHER: We are gathered here today...in this vast and stately hall...to bring into formation an historic alliance...and to sing the praises of the all-new BK Western Whopper Value Meal, now available at your local BK outlets for a very affordable price!

 

[Guy Gardener]

Archer: My Name is John, and I am an alcoholic.

 

[cooleddie74]

TROI: No stupid holoprograms tonight, Will. I have a headache.

SHRAN: The jewel is flawless...except for the "MADE IN MEXICO" inscription on the reverse near the bottom.

 

[Odon]

Trip: “Hey fellas, have you seen these proposed designs for Starfleet uniforms?”
Archer: “Why is the Captain’s shirt all ripped?”
Reed: “Red shirts for security personnel? I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”
Hoshi: “My God, you can see what colour knickers she’s wearing!”
T’Pol: “Yes, to wear a blatantly sexual uniform on a starship is not logical…what?”

Riker: “How come I haven’t seen one of you Xindi insectoids before?”
Xindi ensign replies with incomprehensible chirping.
Riker: “Retconned, huh?”

Archer to Riker: “So YOU’RE the Future Guy!”

Phlox gives one of those huge smiles…and the top of his head falls off.

Archer: “And stop calling me pinkskin!”
Shran: “Whatever you say, pinkskin.”

Riker on seeing Phlox: “Wasn’t he a notorious crank who tried to cure people with eels?”

Troi watching Trip get neuropressure: “That’s an…interesting…counselling technique.”

Troi: “Has this holoprogram helped you work out what you’re going to do, Will?”
Riker: “Yes. I’m going to kill the captain before he does something stupid to get ME killed.”
Troi (to Fourth Wall): “And that’s the morale of this story, folks.”

Riker: “I wonder why Archer keeps swaying from side to side when he paces?”
Shran: “Hey pinkskin! I’ve brought some more Andorian ale.”
Riker: “Oh. That’s why.”

Riker: “He’s shorter than I thought he’d be.”
Troi: “Archer?”
Riker: “No, Porthos.”
Troi: “Yes, you’d never guess he was from a race of super-intelligent canines who’d one day__”
Offscreen Voice: “Ah, Season 5 has been cancelled guys.”
Riker: “Oh right…I mean Archer is much shorter than I thought he’d be.”

 

[Mysterion]

We see Archer take his place at the podium. He is about to give a historic speech comemeratingt he founding of the Federation. What momentous wisdom will he pass along?

ARCHER: Once I saw this Gazelle....

 

[Blueicus]

Mysterion said:
We see Archer take his place at the podium. He is about to give a historic speech comemeratingt he founding of the Federation. What momentous wisdom will he pass along?

ARCHER: Once I saw this Gazelle....

That would've been GREAT. The ultimate valentine.

 

[cooleddie74]

BRAGA: You see, in my world a Valentine is something you shit on and slide under the door of people you don't really like and respect.

BERMAN: Dawn Ostroff was blackmailing us with nude photos taken at a petting zoo. We had no choice.

 

[Tino]

cooleddie74 said:
BRAGA: You see, in my world a Valentine is something you shit on and slide under the door of people you don't really like and respect.

It wasn't the best episode and surely not worth of being the last Star Trek-episode in 18 years. I agree on that part.

However, I doubt that BB decided to piss off people and write a crappy episode intentionally. Think of all the bad reviews they've gotten because of TATV. They tried to leave Star Trek with a bang! Okay, it misfired but some ideas of TATV were quite nice.

 

[cooleddie74]

Tino said:

cooleddie74 said:
BRAGA: You see, in my world a Valentine is something you shit on and slide under the door of people you don't really like and respect.

It wasn't the best episode and surely not worth of being the last Star Trek-episode in 18 years. I agree on that part.

However, I doubt that BB decided to piss off people and write a crappy episode intentionally. Think of all the bad reviews they've gotten because of TATV. They tried to leave Star Trek with a bang! Okay, it misfired but some ideas of TATV were quite nice.

I'm just being snarky and difficult. "TATV" wasn't the worst TREK episode ever. At least it'll never be saddled with that reputation.

 

[Guy Gardener]

Tino said:

cooleddie74 said:
BRAGA: You see, in my world a Valentine is something you shit on and slide under the door of people you don't really like and respect.

It wasn't the best episode and surely not worth of being the last Star Trek-episode in 18 years. I agree on that part.

However, I doubt that BB decided to piss off people and write a crappy episode intentionally. Think of all the bad reviews they've gotten because of TATV. They tried to leave Star Trek with a bang! Okay, it misfired but some ideas of TATV were quite nice.

Sadly, this wasn't written by Braga to be the last episode. It was just an episode left over from season 2 they never got around to which they tweaked the hell out of... Although that's exactly where In a mirror Darkly came from too. Creatively, the Kitchen was closed so we just had to put up with moldy left overs for our last supper.

 

[ChristopherPike]

^ Close. The story outline had been kicking around since Season 3 at least. It's blatantly obvious too, characterization all seemed to take a backwards step, as if the events of the Coto helmed Season 4 hadn't happened yet.