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June challenge: A Dirty word

Starkers

Admiral
Premium Member
Well here's my entry, I imagine Mistral will be shocked I got it in early for once ;)


* * *
Tuks fought down his rage and gave in to his cowardice, pressing his body closer to the ground; he probably couldn’t have got any nearer unless he allowed the atoms of his body to mingle with the dirt. Still he winced with every explosion that rocked the village below, with each flying craft that roared overhead.

Federation; where once he would have said the word with reverence, now he would spit it out— if his mouth had any saliva to spare, if he dared make a sound.

They were scum, lying deceivers who didn’t even have the decency to follow a false god, instead it seemed they followed no god at all. He did not understand that, could not understand it. The word of God was everything, and even though he hated the Vanallu with every fibre of his being, as God dictated, still he respected them after a fashion. Their god was fiction, their goddess was fiction (goddess, he even thought the word with a sneer) but at least they believed in something.

Tuks had been fooled by the Federation. He had thought they worshipped a mighty deity called the Prime Director, but it was all lies and half-truths. They had no faith and, as God dictated, that made them worthless, more so even than the Vanallu.

Tuks’ people—the Ukki— had tolerated the Federation though, before their hypocrisy had been revealed. When the Jem-Hah warriors had invaded their plains, the Ukki had tried to fight back, but it had proven hopeless. The Jem-Hah were demons. They appeared out of nowhere, laying waste to all they saw with cold fire. They didn’t sleep, didn’t eat, didn’t even take female prisoners to slake their lust. For the whole cycle of the first moon the Ukki killed just one Jem-Hah, and in the same time five villages were destroyed, and hundreds of Ukki were killed. So terrible was the slaughter that the Ukki even forged an alliance with the Vanallu, setting aside generations of conflict, but even together they were no match for the white blooded demons.

And then the Federation came. Just a handful of men, and even a woman, yet powerful. Not as strong as the Jem-Hah, no, but with more cunning. They gave the Ukki sticks that threw hot fire to fight the Jem-Hah’s icy flames, they gave the Ukki things that looked like bird’s orbs, but which exploded when thrown, and could kill five demons at once. Best of all were the bigger fire sticks, the ones that sat upon your shoulder, the ones that could kill the demonic birds that flitted overhead.

The slaughter of the Ukki continued, but now death was more even handed. Tuks alone had killed a dozen demons, and clipped the wings of five metal birds. The thought of them crashing in flames still warmed him on cold, moonless nights. The slaughter was long, and it was hard, and it was good, and eventually the Jem-Hah fled.

The Federation left soon after them, reclaiming their fire sticks and orbs of destruction first, claiming their Prime Director told them to do so. The Ukki did not want to relinquish their power, but they said nothing. They nodded and said thank you to the deceivers, they gave them gifts of wine and fruit and tried to present them with wives, and all the while they thought of the Jem-Hah ice sticks buried in the hills, and they smiled.

But now the Federation were back. Tuks had been on patrol when they came. He heard the explosions, saw fire and smoke in the distance, and he ran back towards his village, terrified that the Jem-Hah had returned. His first sight of a metal bird over flying the village told him this was not so, the bird was Federation, he remembered the shape, not Jem-Hah.

He watched blue flames strike up into the sky, watched as the Federation birds send down red lightening in reply. A cluster of Ukki with ice sticks were cast down by one shot from a Federation bird, and now, his vision clouded by dust, and sand, and tears, Tuks saw Federation personal moving through the village streets. Women and children fled before them, any who tried to stand and fight were cut down where they stood, especially if they had ice sticks.

The fight was one-sided, and eventually the Federation gained complete control of the village. Tuks watched as the surviving Ukki were herded together into one of the larger huts. Meanwhile Federation personal were breaking open a second hut, the largest building in the village, the one with three chimnets, and letting the Vanallu prisoners go. Tuks silently cursed, he knew they should have carried out the executions sooner, but God’s Sabbath day was not for many weeks, and the sacrifice would have had more power then. Now he watched a village worth of the enemy being gently guided to a huge Federation bird perched outside the village.

Hypocrites. Unbelievers! DECIEVERS! Finally Tuks’ rage overrode his good sense. He still had an ice stick, and he would make the Federation pay for their treachery. Reaching for his weapon he clambered to his knees.

‘Oh I don’t think so, chummy.’ Came a voice from behind him.

Tuks tried to turn, but he wasn’t fast enough, and he never did catch sight of the owner of that voice. The last thing he saw was a bright red light, then darkness.

* * *

Ensign Kelly Briggs let out a sigh and trudged over to the Ukki she’d just stunned. Phaser still clasped tight in her fist, her eyes scanned the immediate vicinity as much as the tricorder in her left hand—the local soil contained minerals that could throw sensors off. She saw nothing out of the ordinary, no other Ukki, and so she relaxed. Holstering her tricorder (but not her weapon) she knelt and checked for a pulse. It was there, and regular.

Standing once more she tapped her combadge. ‘Briggs to command one, just to let you know I’ve downed another one, he had a Dominion rifle as well.’

‘Good work, Kelly.’ Came commander Denner’s voice in reply. “Destroy the weapon then head back to checkpoint Zulu. Looks like we’ve rescued all the prisoners, and gathered up all the technology.’

‘Is everyone ok?’ she asked, overstepping the mark slightly, her girlfriend Samantha was with number one fire team.

‘Everything’s fine. No casualties on either side, though the Ukki will have sore heads when they wake up. We’re shipping the hundred and twenty Vanallu survivors back to their village now.’

A hundred and twenty. Kelly winced. By all accounts the Ukki had captured more than three times that number a few weeks before. She kicked the Jem’Hadar rifle away from the snoozing Ukki and vaporised it. If the commander who’d led the Ukki resistance against the Dominion had done his job properly before pulling out none of this would have happened. He’d been meticulous in reclaiming all the Federation weaponry loaned to the Ukki, but had been far more lacklustre when it came to cataloguing the weapons the Dominion left behind. From what Kelly had heard, that commander would never make Captain now, hell he’d be lucky if Starfleet ever let him out from behind a desk.

She looked down and sighed once more. This wasn’t a perfect solution; the two species on this planet had had their developments royally screwed with, and while the Federation could lay the blame for that at the feet of the Dominion, well that didn’t mean they didn’t have to accept their own level of culpability.

She began trudging back to base camp, imagining that “Federation” would be a dirty word on this planet for generations to come.
 
Very well done, i especially like the more primitive view of fed tech, it was well thought out. If I stopped doing my writing at 2:30 in the morning, I might have something as well thought out.
 
Very well done! The Dominion War no doubt caused the Prime Directive to take a second seat to survival for the Federation. You've done a great job of showing the consequences.
 
*looks at calendar and sits, stunned* :shifty:

I, I don't know what to say. I haven't had the full 4 weeks to stock up on pithy sayings. Normally I build up my supply slowly and carefully over the whole month so I'm ready to respond to Starkers's entry as it arrives mere minutes before the contest ends. I'm at a loss for words. Um, very good story?;)
 
Hey come on I'm rarely in minitues before the contest ends...hours perhaps, but not minutes :lol:
 
Hey come on I'm rarely in minitues before the contest ends...hours perhaps, but not minutes :lol:

I had 22 positive reactions to my story-and you beat me in the last hour b4 voting with your submission. Thats 60 minutes.:devil:
 
Excellent! The story took the assignment perfectly - setting the shock of the alien perspective of the Fed as betrayers, then laying back story, then explaining the mystery at the end - it kept me engaged all the way through.
 
Excellent! The story took the assignment perfectly - setting the shock of the alien perspective of the Fed as betrayers, then laying back story, then explaining the mystery at the end - it kept me engaged all the way through.

Thanks for the kind words, glad you liked it :)
 
A most excellent story. I do like how the outcomes of war has to be addressed and the whole dirty word resonates in the actions made.
 
I kind of breezed through this story, as I'm multi-tasking right now; I'm going to read it again. However, from what I've read, the story seems to flow very well, with a nice twist towards the end...

Good job...!
 
Very nice story that shows us what happens to Starfleet's Prime Directive in times of war. It reminded me a bit of the classic episode where Kirk decides to arm a pre-industrial society in order to fight the Klingons. This felt like the same idea taken to its logical conclusion.

The alien perspective was excellent, including the misconceptions and misunderstandings. But it all felt very believable, exactly how a less advanced race would interpret what was happening to them.

It was perhaps a bit heavy on telling instead of showing in the first part and you used the word personal instead of personnel a couple of times.

A really good story neverthless. I enjoyed this quite a bit.
 
I haven't seen much of the later series of DS9 so I don't know the details of the Dominion War. Did the Federation really arm native races to help them fight against the Jem H'dar?

It just seems wrong to me.

Having said that, the story itself is very well-written. The viewpoint of Tuks is an interesting one, I liked his view of the weapons and the war.
 
CeJay, one of these days I'll manage not to let some typo slip through, proofing is my fatal flaw (well one of them!) Thanks for the comments, and I see what you mean about the telling not showing.

Trampledamage, my take was that the Dominion invaded the planet, so all the Federation were trying to do was even the odds somewhat. It was possibly way to obvious to some but I was trying to do an allegory of Afghanistan in the 1980s.
 
CeJay, one of these days I'll manage not to let some typo slip through, proofing is my fatal flaw (well one of them!) Thanks for the comments, and I see what you mean about the telling not showing.

Trampledamage, my take was that the Dominion invaded the planet, so all the Federation were trying to do was even the odds somewhat. It was possibly way to obvious to some but I was trying to do an allegory of Afghanistan in the 1980s.

My problem is that I woud have thought the Prime Directive would prevent them from doing such a thing.

If the Dominion War sent the Federation so far out on a limb that they were whole-scale ignoring the Prime Directive then that's a different matter!
 
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