huh? What does the stuff you mentioned have to do with a utopian vision? Uhura as sex symbol? Showing competent women= utopia to you? Not sure what that says about your views on women in the workplace.
Also, the movie's only a lighter change of pace from NEM if you completely ignore the whole "destruction of Vulcan" thing, kind of a big plot point to overlook.
It's about where the movie focuses its energy. There are large chunks of this movie without a bad guy. We see Kirk grow up, for instance, and Spock as well. We see them at Starfleet Academy. About 1/3 of this movie doesn't even involve a conflict. The destruction of Vulcan is nowhere near as violent as Troi getting raped, spending time aboard the dark Scimitar, bigotry towards Romulans, and the grating voice of Shinzon. Look at the darkness of the frame, the mis en scene of Nemesis. Very dark. Very bleak. Very evil. Twirling a knife without a light in sight. Dark tone.
Nero sticks out like a sore thumb. He's the bad guy in a utopia, the wolf among sheep and therefore, he's a little more successful than Shinzon. In Nemesis, Shinzon blends in with the carpet. By the time we get to Nemesis, all the sheep have been killed or turned into wolves in the 24th Century.
Let me put it another way. If this were done in the style of Nemesis, we would see, and focus on, Nero's reaction to destroying Vulcan. We would cut from the planet being destoryed (to dramatic music, not a sombre tone) and we'd see more scenes of Nero winning--torturing Pike and getting to Earth. Then we'd go back to the Enterprise.
Bad things happen in the universe. They happened in Star Trek: The Original Series, too. But what did we see in the movie? Spock become as emotional as he will allow himself over it, and then Uhura tries to comfort him with tears in her eyes. Did Riker ever try and even touch Deanna? That's compassion where Nemesis had none.
As for what is utopia, it is consistent with the 1960s vision. It may not strike you as odd today, but having an interracial couple is a big deal, still a big deal in parts of the United States today. Uhura, a black woman, is a sex symbol without ever saying it, and the female lead is a departure from the Original Series, a good one. And outside of Spock and Pike, there's not a smarter character than Uhura. She's not with the skirt-chaser. She's with the one who values logic and intellect. She is shown as compassionate without losing herself. She's a very 21st-Century woman character in a series that treated women like they were around for Kirk to...couple with.
What does Utopia look like to you? What did you want to see?