Is it okay for people to live together before getting married?

[Locutus of Bored]

Not that I said any of those were my views, but that would basically make our President a conservative too, but that is what the rest of the world thinks of the United States after all.

Wait, those weren't your views when you personally called half the country crazy? Does backpedaling burn a lot of calories?

I disagree with (part of) Obama's position on gay marriage, so I don't really see what your point is there. He's against DoMA and supports equal rights and benefits for same-sex couples through civil unions, but opposes the use of the term marriage as he believes that is only between a man and a woman because of his Christian beliefs. Otherwise he's fairly socially liberal (at least by the American definition of liberal), but on that one issue he is more socially conservative.

I think we should have to go with either removing government from religious marriage ceremonies altogether and making them all civil unions (with people free to have a religious ceremony afterward with no legal status if they wish), or granting the right of marriage in benefits and terminology for all. Half measures like civil unions for some and marriage for other violates the Equal Protection Clause in my opinion.

 

[Galactus]

Ok I wrote a long post but I lost it and I am too tired to redo it. (and it was good too, complete with spell check and grammar which is rare for me)

I don't know anyone that has said they were pressured into getting married. How exactly can someone make you get married. That seems like a cop out to me.

I said the part of the country that wants their country back is crazy. Are you not familiar with my posts?

I have the same position on the subject as our President. I have said that repeatedly on this board. In practice I actually have the same position as you but as others have said, that is never going to happen so the important thing in that fight is to give up the word, get the rights now, and worry about the other later.

 

[Davros]

As long as everybody is an informed consenting adult, anything goes.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

As a little foreshadowing, I as a woman am much more comfortable when I am in the position to initiate the relationship than when a man does it. I do not like feeling pushed into things by men...now, if the right man asked, that MIGHT be a different scenario, provided they had allowed time for a good friendship to build and they were extremely respectful in how they asked. But overall, I will be honest and say that the way it plays out in my head, I do imagine being the one to "formally" initiate the relationship that leads to marriage.

Clarify please.

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's when guys either don't even bother to get to know you and are just hitting on you and so forth, or when they use a friendship as a vehicle to get what they want, or when they're expressing all these strong feelings and saying they "love" you before they even have the slightest clue what you're really about. That is not love. That is physical attraction...BIG difference. And by itself, without any kind of reasonable basis for a relationship (time spent genuinely getting to know each other), that is not a sufficiently compelling reason for me to want to go out with a man, and is in fact a turnoff. If you are too eager, cannot restrain yourself, and cannot put the person ahead of your gratification, then I want no part of it.

Respect is getting to KNOW someone first, appreciating who they are, and THEN maybe, if you find them attractive, politely asking if you can go out (or if you've been hanging out as friends, asking if it's OK to tell people it's a date instead of just doing that without ever discussing it between the two of you first).

But for me, the burden of asking someone out is not something I automatically place on a man. And I am actually perfectly comfortable--and in some ways a lot MORE comfortable--imagining myself being the first to formally ask someone out or to declare my feelings. I think my feeling on it is that if it's a situation where I would be comfortable enough to take that sort of action of my own initiative, then it's more likely to be a good one.

 

[MANT!]

Folks it all changes after Marriage..really...

(After all...I'm on the second time around and knew full well what I was in for..)


Gents..when she puts that ring on her finger..she becomes...


SHE-RA!! PRINCESS OF POWER!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quzY7ONePM4


face it..we're all fools ...

but heck..I don't mind!!

 

[Goji]

It really is the fact that people make such a huge gigantic deal about marriage that makes me think it's ridiculous and silly. It could be just a nice little event and certificate and what have you, but once it starts being used as the defining condition of one's life, it starts scaring me. It's about then that I want to run for the hills, and when people start talking about marriage as a hallowed institution, it's time to blast off for another planet.

 

[iguana_tonante]

Maybe I should pass on all social issues on this board. It is a pretty much do what you like, kind of place, except when someone does something you don't like.

You are so wrong, you turn around it and become even wronger.

What's a traditional family?
A mother, a father, (who married out of love) 2 1/2 children, a dog and a picket fence?
THAT's a fiction that sprung up in the second half of the 20th century.

A traditional family is one grandfather, maybe one grandmother, seven sons, three daughters, six daughters-in-law, two sons-in-laws, a whole bunch of kids (some married between them) four cows, two pigs, twelve poultry and a dog.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

A traditional family is one grandfather, maybe one grandmother, seven sons, three daughters, six daughters-in-law, two sons-in-laws, a whole bunch of kids (some married between them) four cows, two pigs, twelve poultry and a dog.

And a partridge in a pear tree.

 

[Kestra]

I don't know anyone that has said they were pressured into getting married.

I know plenty of people that have been pressured into getting married. Hooray for anecdotal evidence!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I don't know anyone that has said they were pressured into getting married.

I know plenty of people that have been pressured into getting married.

Like me...

(well, almost. Didn't actually get married, but I was definitely pressured to propose. Then got dumped a month later)

 

[Kestra]

^^^ Don't get hung up on the past too much!

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

What's a traditional family?
A mother, a father, (who married out of love) 2 1/2 children, a dog and a picket fence?
THAT's a fiction that sprung up in the second half of the 20th century.

A traditional family is one grandfather, maybe one grandmother, seven sons, three daughters, six daughters-in-law, two sons-in-laws, a whole bunch of kids (some married between them) four cows, two pigs, twelve poultry and a dog.

And if someone DID want a large family? Would you condemn them??

And I would add that those who have religious beliefs, and those who may not agree with the TrekBBS majority should be free to speak without getting flamed. Tolerance shouldn't just be extended towards those one happens to like.

 

[Kestra]

And I would add that those who have religious beliefs, and those who may not agree with the TrekBBS majority should be free to speak without getting flamed. Tolerance shouldn't just be extended towards those one happens to like.

Okay, I've tried not to get too personal, but I do need to say this much. You came into this thread assuming that you would be judged which is every bit as offensive. People didn't immediately start flaming you and hating on you, but every time you post you're unnecessarily defensive. It's off-putting, especially when people have been fairly civil in this thread.

There's plenty of tolerance around here, and it's not just because everyone happens to believe the same things. Give your fellow posters a little more credit than that, please.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^^^ Don't get hung up on the past too much!

...I know. I shouldn't do that. But old habits are hard to break.

I don't know what the hell I was thinking back then. I was obviously not ready. I'm not sure I'm ready *now*.

 

[Galactus]

I don't know anyone that has said they were pressured into getting married.

I know plenty of people that have been pressured into getting married. Hooray for anecdotal evidence!

Please tell me then how someone gets pressured into getting married.

And being civil is in the eye of the beholder. People are different with different sensibilities. So while you may think you are being civil, the other person may take offense. Kinda like all the posters in here who jumped on me for saying the things that the women I know have said and said that is offensive to women like they are not women also. See how that works.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Please tell me then how someone gets pressured into getting married.

When your girlfriend nags you about it night and day. When she won't shut the hell up about it. When she threatens to leave you if you don't. When you have, before you met her, been so lonely that you feel you have no choice but to do what she says. And when, a month later, she leaves you anyway.

There. THAT's how the fuck somebody gets pressured into getting married. Do you understand now?

 

[Galactus]

Definitely am not happy to hear of your situation. When you spoke of pressure I thought you were talking about from someone outside of your relationship. If it was coming from your partner, then you had problems with your relationship and your thoughts of commitment. If she wanted to get married and you didn't then it was time both of you moved on to someone else. You can't make someone do or feel something that they don't want to do.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

And I would add that those who have religious beliefs, and those who may not agree with the TrekBBS majority should be free to speak without getting flamed. Tolerance shouldn't just be extended towards those one happens to like.

Okay, I've tried not to get too personal, but I do need to say this much. You came into this thread assuming that you would be judged which is every bit as offensive. People didn't immediately start flaming you and hating on you, but every time you post you're unnecessarily defensive. It's off-putting, especially when people have been fairly civil in this thread.

There's plenty of tolerance around here, and it's not just because everyone happens to believe the same things. Give your fellow posters a little more credit than that, please.

If you have a personal problem with me, then come to me directly and address it via PM, or use the ignore button.

As to the idea that tolerance is a board-wide virtue--unfortunately past performance is the best predictor of future performance, and what I've seen both in threads that I participated in AND those that I sat out on does not suggest it.

 

[ST-One]

Respect is getting to KNOW someone first, appreciating who they are, and THEN maybe, if you find them attractive, politely asking if you can go out (or if you've been hanging out as friends, asking if it's OK to tell people it's a date instead of just doing that without ever discussing it between the two of you first).

Isn't it the purpose of a date (dating) to get to know each other (as well as that is possible on a simple date)?

 

[ST-One]

What's a traditional family?
A mother, a father, (who married out of love) 2 1/2 children, a dog and a picket fence?
THAT's a fiction that sprung up in the second half of the 20th century.

A traditional family is one grandfather, maybe one grandmother, seven sons, three daughters, six daughters-in-law, two sons-in-laws, a whole bunch of kids (some married between them) four cows, two pigs, twelve poultry and a dog.

And if someone DID want a large family? Would you condemn them??

And I would add that those who have religious beliefs, and those who may not agree with the TrekBBS majority should be free to speak without getting flamed. Tolerance shouldn't just be extended towards those one happens to like.

For goodness' sake, iguana_tonante just made a simple joke.