Infatuation

[Gryffindorian]

Lately I wish I had the Vulcan ability to suppress my feelings and be completely logical. I think I'm going through a phase right now. Maybe it's hormonal; maybe it's astrological or supernatural. I don't know for sure ...

I have not been in a relationship in a very long time (since I was in my late teens and early twenties, back when I was hetero and dated only women). Although I've had romantic "crushes," I've never really done anything as far as wanting to be in a relationship. It just wasn't my priority; even now it isn't.

Lately, however, I've found myself "smitten" with certain people--people at work, people I hardly know. I'm finding them very attractive and sexy. I think about them and am wanting to know them better (although that would be impossible or awkward to accomplish). I realize this is pure infatuation, which is even more frustrating. If there's a person I know well and like, I could at least try to get to know him/her better and share common interests with.

Has anyone else felt this way? How did or do you cope with having a crush on someone you hardly know?

 

[Mr. B]

Traditionally, you ask them out and see what happens.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Well, when I liked someone in the past, that's what I did. It was a long time ago, and things were much different back then. As an adult, however, I would think you'd have to have a certain "connection" with a person (e.g., you work at the same place, you go to the same school, etc.) before you asked them out. The person could be straight, or married, or not totally into me. I'd rather not have to deal with such feelings.

 

[Amaris]

Lately I wish I had the Vulcan ability to suppress my feelings and be completely logical. I think I'm going through a phase right now. Maybe it's hormonal; maybe it's astrological or supernatural. I don't know for sure ...

I have not been in a relationship in a very long time (since I was in my late teens and early twenties, back when I was hetero and dated only women). Although I've had romantic "crushes," I've never really done anything as far as wanting to be in a relationship. It just wasn't my priority; even now it isn't.

Lately, however, I've found myself "smitten" with certain people--people at work, people I hardly know. I'm finding them very attractive and sexy. I think about them and am wanting to know them better (although that would be impossible or awkward to accomplish). I realize this is pure infatuation, which is even more frustrating. If there's a person I know well and like, I could at least try to get to know him/her better and share common interests with.

Has anyone else felt this way? How did or do you cope with having a crush on someone you hardly know?

Yes, I have had those feelings before, and even though I know they're just infatuations, I can't help myself sometimes. One of the girls I liked at my old job was working to become a model. She was very lovely, but intellectually, we were in two completely different worlds. She found most art and culture "weird", while I embraced different art and cultures. So how did I handle this little infatuation? I told her that I thought she was very lovely, and that if we weren't coworkers, I would have asked her out. She giggled and thought it was sweet.

That was it.

J.

 

[Gryffindorian]

You handled that quite professionally, J. Allen, not that there's anything wrong with dating or asking out a co-worker. Someone told me recently that crushes sometimes have little in common with you/me and don't necessarily equate romantic relationships. I would be more interested in dating someone with whom I'm already familiar to some degree than going on a blind date with a stranger. A part of me still can't help feeling amorous sometimes.

 

[Amaris]

You handled that quite professionally, J. Allen, not that there's anything wrong with dating or asking out a co-worker. Someone told me recently that crushes sometimes have little in common with you/me and don't necessarily equate romantic relationships. I would be more interested in dating someone with whom I'm already familiar to some degree than going on a blind date with a stranger. A part of me still can't help feeling amorous sometimes.

Thank you.

I agree there's nothing wrong with dating a coworker, I just knew this one wouldn't work out because of the nature of our relationship as coworkers.

Believe me, though, I know how you feel.


J.

 

[Amaris]

You handled that quite professionally, J. Allen, not that there's anything wrong with dating or asking out a co-worker. Someone told me recently that crushes sometimes have little in common with you/me and don't necessarily equate romantic relationships. I would be more interested in dating someone with whom I'm already familiar to some degree than going on a blind date with a stranger. A part of me still can't help feeling amorous sometimes.

Thank you.
I agree there's nothing wrong with dating a coworker, I just knew this one wouldn't work out because of the nature of our relationship as coworkers.

Believe me, though, I know how you feel.


J.

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

Sorry to be blunt, but it sounds to me like you're lonely.

 

[Amaris]

One... is the loneliest number that you'll ever know...
Two... can be as bad as one cause it's the loneliest number since the number one oh...



J.

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

Well thanks J, now i'm all depressed.

 

[Hermiod]

Has anyone else felt this way?

Yes, I have and do.

How did or do you cope with having a crush on someone you hardly know?

You don't want advice from me.

 

[Amaris]

Well thanks J, now i'm all depressed.

Hey, I was all depressed when I found out "One is the Loneliest Number" isn't on Myspace Karaoke!


J.

 

[Michael Chris]

I got to know them.

 

[JustKate]

Sorry to be blunt, but it sounds to me like you're lonely.

It sounds like that to me, too. It's silly to "diagnose" people one knows only very slightly and superficially, and over the Internet, yet, but you did ask, and it seems (forgive me) really obvious to me, so here's my best shot:

You can't eliminate emotions and the need for connecting with other people. (Even Vulcans don't manage that - or so I've heard. ) You've suppressed these needs, but that's not at all the same thing. I am not just talking about sex, although that very well could be in the mix, too - what I am mostly talking about is an emotional connection. Let's call it "romance" for lack of a better term.

I would guess that these crushes are your psyche - your heart, if I can put it that way - trying to break through all that suppression. You might perhaps have perfectly reasonable and valid reasons for avoiding romance right now, and I wouldn't presume to question those. So if you are satisfied with the way things are, just accept these crushes as a venting mechanism and leave it at that. A lot of people do this at times in their lives - have crushes on people they know they never can and never will have such as wholly incompatible and/or unavailable co-workers or celebrities or whatever. Even otherwise happily partnered people do sometimes, too. It's harmless, in moderation - it's just kind of a pleasant little fantasy, really.

But if you're not satisfied with the way things are...well, I'd say these crushes might very well be a symptom - a symptom that you have a need - a hunger - that's not being met. And if that's the case, you need to start listening to what your heart is telling you and find some way to act on it. Preferably not with wholly incompatible and/or unavailable co-workers, naturally.

 

[Mr Awe]

I told her that I thought she was very lovely, and that if we weren't coworkers, I would have asked her out. She giggled and thought it was sweet.

So, you're not coworkers now and have presumably asked her out? Or have plans to?

I'm not sure why being co-workers would've stop you anyway?

And to the OP, yeah, you're just lonely. Get out and meet people. I find that lonely people generally have a long list of excuses for not meeting people, interacting, etc. It's not rocket science. You don't have to wait for the stars to align. Just do it.

Mr Awe

 

[Australis]

Yeah, it's happened to me, because I was lonely.

There's more to it than that but I don't want to go into it.

It's just loneliness. Find some people to hang out with or get to know the objects of infatuation a little better, see if they might be interested.

One thing - you will have to ask., There is not much that's worse than not asking, and wondering about the 'might have beens' years later.

 

[Cakes488]

Lately I wish I had the Vulcan ability to suppress my feelings and be completely logical. I think I'm going through a phase right now. Maybe it's hormonal; maybe it's astrological or supernatural. I don't know for sure ...

I have not been in a relationship in a very long time (since I was in my late teens and early twenties, back when I was hetero and dated only women). Although I've had romantic "crushes," I've never really done anything as far as wanting to be in a relationship. It just wasn't my priority; even now it isn't.

Lately, however, I've found myself "smitten" with certain people--people at work, people I hardly know. I'm finding them very attractive and sexy. I think about them and am wanting to know them better (although that would be impossible or awkward to accomplish). I realize this is pure infatuation, which is even more frustrating. If there's a person I know well and like, I could at least try to get to know him/her better and share common interests with.

Has anyone else felt this way? How did or do you cope with having a crush on someone you hardly know?

You should go for it babe. Be aggressive and make some moves. You'll never have to wonder "what if". So just go with the flow, if something comes of it sounds like you may be open for it to go further than a crush, if nothing comes of it than you're also OK being alone too right now.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Thanks for the feedback. What a surprise, though. I've always been a "lonesome" introverted guy, but I never saw myself as "lonely." I thought loneliness was something experienced by older folks or people longing for a relationship, which is not at all the emotion I'm feeling. I have family and friends to keep me company, and romance is just not something I've given much focus on.

Perhaps I need to meditate more; it always helps when I experience some anxiety.

 

[sidious618]

You don't need to meditate more, you need to meet more people.

 

[Cakes488]

Thanks for the feedback. What a surprise, though. I've always been a "lonesome" introverted guy, but I never saw myself as "lonely." I thought loneliness was something experienced by older folks or people longing for a relationship, which is not at all the emotion I'm feeling. I have family and friends to keep me company, and romance is just not something I've given much focus on.

Perhaps I need to meditate more; it always helps when I experience some anxiety.

I'm sure you're quite happy in your life but you're not going to tell me that you never get lonley are you? Even if your content most of the time once and awhile it's got to creep in.