I'm looking for proof reader/editor.

[Solarbaby]

I have written a whole season of a spin off story to be animated in 10 x 20 minute episodes, set in the DS9/Voyager era. I am looking for someone to take a look and see if there are improvements to made. I have taken a year writing the scripts and developing the story. I have shown it to a couple of friends who were very impressed. But they are not true trekkies. I wanted to gain the opinion of a true fan who could take a different look at it.

Part of my difficulty in writing it has been I know what's happening in this continuing story and I forget to break it down a bit easier for the viewer. I believe I have got it right now but need someone to take a look. If anyone is interested in helping out I would appreciate it.

Here's a teaser synopsis

For 300 years a dark and deadly secret has been kept from the very people it was meant to protect. But now that secret is about to surface, and the entire galaxy could sink into a sinister war it will never recover from. Only one crew can prevent it, but with a great sacrifice. Join the extraordinary intergalactic journey of the USS Swiftwind as she uncovers a 4 billion year old mystery that could lead to astronomical insights into the answers we have has sought since the dawn of mankind. Share the excitement and danger as the conflicted crew face their demons, battle an old and deadly adversary, whilst braving a new frontier. The infinite frontier.

Star Trek: Absolution

email me at caithlindar @ rocketmail dot com

thanks

 

[sojourner]

You could post it here. I am sure you would get plenty of feedback from the other writers in the forum.

Join the extraordinary intergalactic journey of the USS Swiftwind as she uncovers a 4 billion year old mystery that could lead to astronomical insights into the answers we have has sought since the dawn of mankind. Share the excitement and danger as the conflicted crew face their demons, battle an old and deadly adversary, whilst braving a new frontier. The infinite frontier.

The two bolded parts don't read correctly. The second bolded part doesn't sound right when you read the entire sentence. Maybe edit it to say "adversary, all whilst".

 

[Solarbaby]

Thanks for the suggestions. I don't want to make the scripts public. Since its a story arc and going to be animated I wanted to keep it a mystery for viewers.