I'm dating an older woman!
- Thread starter MadBaggins
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Indeed. This is better than "A Very Bundy Christmas."
Infact... both share some similarities.
Sure.
I'm upset that MB's show gets better ratings than "mine."
Trekker, central character in "So... now what?"
Sure.
I'm upset that MB's show gets better ratings than "mine."
Trekker, central character in "So... now what?"
You need more Christmas-related drama. I suggest a big reveal where it turns out the girl is actually an elf working overtime for Santa, and that's why she's been so busy.
Yeah, I see them.
You did mean Ted rather than Al, right?
Sure.
I'm upset that MB's show gets better ratings than "mine."
Trekker, central character in "So... now what?"
You need more Christmas-related drama. I suggest a big reveal where it turns out the girl is actually an elf working overtime for Santa, and that's why she's been so busy.
I don't think it'd fit in my more realistic/naturalistic setting. Something like that would be a big jump-the-shark moment.
Oh wow! An Xmas special!
Well, I've seen worse Xmas eps. I'll wait for the reviews though. Wonder what shenanigans will happen on New Years Day?
Well, there's a shock.
Maybe because you're too real? Ummm, relatively speaking...
Yeah, kids, eh?
Wishful thinking, perhaps?
Dude, how old is this kid?
Mmm, that'll end well.
Ya think?
Maths skillz, u haz dem.
Well, I've seen worse Xmas eps. I'll wait for the reviews though. Wonder what shenanigans will happen on New Years Day?
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The only thing that could improve the MadBaggins Holiday Special at this point would be a stoned Carrie Fisher doing a musical number with Wookiee backup singers.
I don't like this "Christmas present to the fans".
Maybe it's more of a "Valentine to the fans". Like that one Rick Berman gave us that one time.
I wonder if anyone is going to shoot their eye out?
Christmas Day was horrible thanks to my confounded relatives and in particular, yes, guess who, my stinking cousin.
I went over to my mom's with my girlfriend, Lisa (the girl, I'm calling her that because she's smart like Lisa Simpson) and Chuck. Sadly, my aunt and cousin came over too. What did my aunt do for Christmas dinner before she met my mom (remember they only met a couple of years ago when their womanizing father died of a cancer), I wonder? She's so annoying I hate her.
My mom's boyfriend who looks like The Undertaker was there too. They've been going out for a year but haven't moved in or got married are anything. They're both in their fifties I think and not getting ANY younger, so what are they waiting for?
And of course my cousin's stinking girlfriend was there too. JESUS only knows if she's got a family. I'm not going to ask her anyway. I call her the "girlthing" now because she looks like The Thing from Fantastic Four. It's quite funny.
I was not in the mood for arguments, because of my hurtin' leg givin' me the hurts. When The Undertaker said I look like Tiny Tim (from the Dicken's play "Scrooged") I didn't even hit back with an insult at his old bald ass, I just took it.
Then my cousin and her girlthing started making out right in front of Chuck and Lisa while they played Wii Sports.
I couldn't believe this shit. My girlfriend and I barely even kissed all day. It's just polite not to do sex stuff in front of old people and children. They were really rooting around in each other's mouths like they'd lost something and they had to use their tongues to find it. I'm ashamed to admit that I enjoyed watching it for a few seconds before I remembered where I was. My aunt didn't even say anything, she just sat their in a drunken stupor humming hymns to herself (she loves God still despite everything He's done to her.) My mom was uncomfortable. The Undertaker was just giving a death stare, but he always does.
Then Chuck asked what they were doing.
"They're lesbians, Chuck," said Lisa (except she didn't say Chuck because that's not his real name). I'm not surprised she knows all about lesbians since she's so smart and uses facebook and everything. Maybe she'll grow up to be one herself, that would be fine as long as she's not an evil one like my cousin and her girlthing.
"What's a lesbeing?" asked innocent little Chuck. I love that little guy.
"Oh God, call yourselves parents," laughed my cousin. "You haven't educated him at all!" She said this not only to me, WHICH WOULD BE BAD ENOUGH, but also to my girlfriend.
TO MY GIRLFRIEND.
My girlfriend is the most amazing mother I have ever met. So what if she hasn't told Chuck about lesbians yet. It's a difficult thing to explain. She'll tell him when he's good and ready.
"Just you shut the FUCK up, okay!" I said, which was stupid, I know looking back, I shoulnd't have sweared in front of the kids (and Chuck cowered inside his parka like Kenny on South Park does when he's scared, the little cutie), but I was feeling angry and passionate.
"What else haven't you told them, cus?" asked my cousin. And she made a sexy look on her face. "What else?" She was obviously threatening to reveal my relationship with her to everyone. HOW DARE SHE. We entered into that failed relationship as two consenting adults and both learned things from it (I learned I like more mature women, she learned she likes girls) and it is ANCIENT histor and there's no need to EVER drag up the past. I wanted to kick her ass but I couldn't get up because of my leg.
"Oh calm down," my girlfriend said to me, obviously just trying to keep the peace. "It's not a big deal, okay?" Then she said sorry to my cousin and her girlfriend and went off with them to the other room, which I knew she was only doing because she didn't want a fight and she was trying to calm those two crazy bitches down. I love her so much.
I calmed down by getting drunk with The Undertaker and ended up playing Karaoke game with him and my aunt. It was surprsingly fun. I saw my girlfriend laughing and joking with my cousin and her girlthing and I felt jealous. But she was only being socialable so I let it pass.
Later I had to go up to the bathroom. I was REALLY drunk by now and it would be hard enough getting there without my broken leg. So my mom helped me up the stairs, but when I was finished my cousin was standing there, smiling evily, and she said she'd help me down...after we kiss. I was confused but the looked up and saw missletoe above the door. My cousin shoved me back and I fell onto the toilet seat, then shut the door, climbed onto my crotch and made out with me frantically. I was too drunk to resist. She said she knows I still love her and she wants me, because it will end two loving relationships and all she cares about is chaos and she's an agent of chaos (I think she watched The Dark Knight for the first time recently.) I was so drunk I didn't understand all this at first (and I might be remembering wrong.) I said "No, no, NOOO, get out, GET OUT!" but she just smiled sexily and locked the bathroom door. I couldn't go anywhere because of my leg.
I had no choice in what we did next. Luckily I stopped her before full sex and dragged myself out.
It will never happen again.
I went over to my mom's with my girlfriend, Lisa (the girl, I'm calling her that because she's smart like Lisa Simpson) and Chuck. Sadly, my aunt and cousin came over too. What did my aunt do for Christmas dinner before she met my mom (remember they only met a couple of years ago when their womanizing father died of a cancer), I wonder? She's so annoying I hate her.
My mom's boyfriend who looks like The Undertaker was there too. They've been going out for a year but haven't moved in or got married are anything. They're both in their fifties I think and not getting ANY younger, so what are they waiting for?
And of course my cousin's stinking girlfriend was there too. JESUS only knows if she's got a family. I'm not going to ask her anyway. I call her the "girlthing" now because she looks like The Thing from Fantastic Four. It's quite funny.
I was not in the mood for arguments, because of my hurtin' leg givin' me the hurts. When The Undertaker said I look like Tiny Tim (from the Dicken's play "Scrooged") I didn't even hit back with an insult at his old bald ass, I just took it.
Then my cousin and her girlthing started making out right in front of Chuck and Lisa while they played Wii Sports.
I couldn't believe this shit. My girlfriend and I barely even kissed all day. It's just polite not to do sex stuff in front of old people and children. They were really rooting around in each other's mouths like they'd lost something and they had to use their tongues to find it. I'm ashamed to admit that I enjoyed watching it for a few seconds before I remembered where I was. My aunt didn't even say anything, she just sat their in a drunken stupor humming hymns to herself (she loves God still despite everything He's done to her.) My mom was uncomfortable. The Undertaker was just giving a death stare, but he always does.
Then Chuck asked what they were doing.
"They're lesbians, Chuck," said Lisa (except she didn't say Chuck because that's not his real name). I'm not surprised she knows all about lesbians since she's so smart and uses facebook and everything. Maybe she'll grow up to be one herself, that would be fine as long as she's not an evil one like my cousin and her girlthing.
"What's a lesbeing?" asked innocent little Chuck. I love that little guy.
"Oh God, call yourselves parents," laughed my cousin. "You haven't educated him at all!" She said this not only to me, WHICH WOULD BE BAD ENOUGH, but also to my girlfriend.
TO MY GIRLFRIEND.
My girlfriend is the most amazing mother I have ever met. So what if she hasn't told Chuck about lesbians yet. It's a difficult thing to explain. She'll tell him when he's good and ready.
"Just you shut the FUCK up, okay!" I said, which was stupid, I know looking back, I shoulnd't have sweared in front of the kids (and Chuck cowered inside his parka like Kenny on South Park does when he's scared, the little cutie), but I was feeling angry and passionate.
"What else haven't you told them, cus?" asked my cousin. And she made a sexy look on her face. "What else?" She was obviously threatening to reveal my relationship with her to everyone. HOW DARE SHE. We entered into that failed relationship as two consenting adults and both learned things from it (I learned I like more mature women, she learned she likes girls) and it is ANCIENT histor and there's no need to EVER drag up the past. I wanted to kick her ass but I couldn't get up because of my leg.
"Oh calm down," my girlfriend said to me, obviously just trying to keep the peace. "It's not a big deal, okay?" Then she said sorry to my cousin and her girlfriend and went off with them to the other room, which I knew she was only doing because she didn't want a fight and she was trying to calm those two crazy bitches down. I love her so much.
I calmed down by getting drunk with The Undertaker and ended up playing Karaoke game with him and my aunt. It was surprsingly fun. I saw my girlfriend laughing and joking with my cousin and her girlthing and I felt jealous. But she was only being socialable so I let it pass.
Later I had to go up to the bathroom. I was REALLY drunk by now and it would be hard enough getting there without my broken leg. So my mom helped me up the stairs, but when I was finished my cousin was standing there, smiling evily, and she said she'd help me down...after we kiss. I was confused but the looked up and saw missletoe above the door. My cousin shoved me back and I fell onto the toilet seat, then shut the door, climbed onto my crotch and made out with me frantically. I was too drunk to resist. She said she knows I still love her and she wants me, because it will end two loving relationships and all she cares about is chaos and she's an agent of chaos (I think she watched The Dark Knight for the first time recently.) I was so drunk I didn't understand all this at first (and I might be remembering wrong.) I said "No, no, NOOO, get out, GET OUT!" but she just smiled sexily and locked the bathroom door. I couldn't go anywhere because of my leg.
I had no choice in what we did next. Luckily I stopped her before full sex and dragged myself out.
It will never happen again.
Were you too drunk to resist or too horny? You do realise that if you didn't want to do it, you were being raped, and if you were being raped, you could have, I don't know, called for help.
You want her. And does your girlfriend have a name, or is she forever stuck as "my girlfriend"?
You want her. And does your girlfriend have a name, or is she forever stuck as "my girlfriend"?
This season suddenly got a whole lot better. I bet the producers brought in a new writing team!
That was quite a trainwreck. I think you're at the age now that you don't have to go to Christmas dinner if your relatives bother you to that degree. You can still honor your parents without doing everything they expect. Call and visit them separately if you must. You might even try asking your mother to make the call to declare your cousin uninvited from now on.
If you want to set a good example for a kid, choosing not to get yourself drunk at a holiday gathering would be a good start.
If you want to set a good example for a kid, choosing not to get yourself drunk at a holiday gathering would be a good start.
And so another opportunity for a cold stone stunner slips by...
Yep, a good ole writing staple - when things get slow, bring back a popular guest star from previous seasons.
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