I think pain and sadness is my normal state. I begin to feel wierd and uncomfortable if I am happy to long. Plus I am always expecting something bad to happen, soon as I am happy.
Jason
I'm back but still not mentally well!
- Thread starter Jayson
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I think pain and sadness is my normal state. I begin to feel wierd and uncomfortable if I am happy to long. Plus I am always expecting something bad to happen, soon as I am happy.
Jason
Commander Rabbit
Commander
Jayson, they don't commit people against their will unless they are believed to be a danger to themselves or others. I'm not hearing either from you.
Well I don't know everything about your situation. It sounds like you just need some meds, or a different kind of med. Doing nothing isn't the answer though. You are going to have to find the strength to do something to help yourself. And the best way to start is by reaching out to someone who can help you to help yourself. Hope that makes sense.
Basically you've got to take that 1st step towards getting better. Serously though, the answer is not sitting around and continuing to feel miserable.
Thespeckledkiwi
Vice Admiral
Or they are in Canada...
Long story there. But yeah. Um, Jayson, I spent a week in a mental institution and it isn't as bad as people think it is.
^Well, that depends on the hospital. The experience can vary wildly. But yes, Jason, you don't seem to be at the point where you would be involuntarily committed. The important thing is that you take care of this problem right away, because you don't want things to get worse.
Jayson said:
I thought so. It HAS been shown that thoughts contrary to the established pattern can cause mental (as in intellectual) and/or physical problems--and the person even reinforces the established pattern, no matter how self-destructive.
I totally understand the idea that the longer something goes well, the more you expect a problem, and the bigger the problem will be. Trust me on this, that is a lie we tell ourselves to maintain that pattern.
It's like having yourself in your brain, and also another "voice" that seems intent on your unhappiness and even destruction. For me, it wasn't really a voice, but thoughts that I recognized as my own thoughts, but they weren't good. And they were mentally "loud" in that they interfered with thinking. It seemed and felt like a battle in my head, of knights in armor making lots of clanging and clashing sounds. Not real sound, but mental noise. I've figured out that the battle was a represention of me fighting myself.
Fortunately for me, with much effort on my part and love and support of family, the battle ended years ago. It's tried to flare up a couple of times, but once you establish a new pattern, it's much easier to deal with everything.
Naturally, the hard part is establishing a new pattern. I'm still working on it for the self-confidence thing (3yrs with professional help, 30yrs by myself before that), but the source of that one was physiological.
DO NOT give up the battle to protect and save yourself, Jayson.
I went and saw the doctor today. I told them about my visions of JAycee and everything. Plus I also was starting to become her, as in a alternate personality. Last night my personality in essence switched off and I became her. Apparently I am suffering from disotion(spelled wrong) That and I was thinking of suicide. I almost did it last night. First Jaycee was screaming at me to do it. Then she told me she would help me do it by being there so I wouldn't be alone. Icame close to driving my truck into the local lake, where I could make it look like I just had a accident, insteado f it being a suicide. They changed my med's so I will see how that works out and I will go back next week. Plus I am going to start seeing a regular counselor instead of just seeing someone, once every few months when I need new medicine.
Jason
Jason
^It sounds like you're really on the right track, Jason. Though I think if that suicidal urge comes over you again so strongly, you should call your doctor/counselor or a hotline straight away.
Also, I think your doctor means dissociation. It's the process by which you separate yourself from the world around you. It is a very healthy and helpful process that people use to cope with difficult and traumatic experiences, but sometimes it can become too strong or out of control.
Also, I think your doctor means dissociation. It's the process by which you separate yourself from the world around you. It is a very healthy and helpful process that people use to cope with difficult and traumatic experiences, but sometimes it can become too strong or out of control.
Jayson, sorry to read about your problems..glad you are seeking professional help. Sounds to me like you could have a borderline personality disorder. And is this Jaycee person real?? I was just wondering. I am glad to know you are seeking help about it..it could be your meds playing tricks on you too and you might have to get them adjusted. I've had a somewhat similar situation with one of Mom's friends..she used to be the kindest, sweetest individual around but then she started having neck problems and was constantly taking perscription pain pills to take away the pain..these things made her psychotic and she started accusing several employees at her work of strangling her and trying to kill her-it was to the point where they had to let her go work elsewhere. Now she is no longer working as a beautician, but as an office worker. It was really sad how this really nice person all of a sudden turned a whopping 180 degrees and became Dr. Hyde for no apparent reason. It's strange what meds can do to you.
That's what the doctor said. They said I should come back or go to emergency room if I feel sucidal. I think they wanted me to stay at the mental ward for a few days as well but I wasn't ready for that.
Jason
Jaycee Dugard is the kidnap girl. That entire situation, basically is what triggered all of this.
Jason
Hello again, Jayson. I'm sorry I haven't posted again yet, but I have been following. 
I'm glad you're getting professional help, and I wish you luck in moving past this difficult period. We're all with you, supporting you. You can get through this. And don't be fearful about your own morality. Remember, what has apparently triggered this latest situation is, essentially, your deep empathy for another person in their time of suffering. As you say, it is feelings not actions that ultimately matter when its your self-perception we're discussing, but seeing as your feelings seem naturally to provoke distress at other's suffering, I'd suggest you don't have to worry on that front. Remember that . You're not lying to yourself, because we can see your moral nature too. It comes across very clearly. You're not lying to yourself and you're not alone.
I'm glad you're getting professional help, and I wish you luck in moving past this difficult period. We're all with you, supporting you. You can get through this. And don't be fearful about your own morality. Remember, what has apparently triggered this latest situation is, essentially, your deep empathy for another person in their time of suffering. As you say, it is feelings not actions that ultimately matter when its your self-perception we're discussing, but seeing as your feelings seem naturally to provoke distress at other's suffering, I'd suggest you don't have to worry on that front. Remember that . You're not lying to yourself, because we can see your moral nature too. It comes across very clearly. You're not lying to yourself and you're not alone. 
^^ What he said.
I'm very glad to hear that you went to the doctor and will have a regular counselor, and that they changed your meds. And if you get those suicidal feelings again, definitely call or go in or go to the ER. This is an excellent step you've taken.
I'm very glad to hear that you went to the doctor and will have a regular counselor, and that they changed your meds. And if you get those suicidal feelings again, definitely call or go in or go to the ER. This is an excellent step you've taken.
Commander Rabbit
Commander
Good job, Jayson!
Good job Jayson. I think you'll find just having a trusted person to talk to on a regular basis will be very helpful. I know it always is for me.
I sort of got, really bad the day I posted about getting new medicine. I just got done spending two days in the mental ward. It wasn't so bad, though if you ever get committted make sure to bring a jacket because they keep the place really cold. I actually volunteered to stay because i was feeling suicidal and they wanted me to stay a additional day for observation.
Jason
Jason
That was a wise decision to stay. I'm glad you're being serious about dealing with this. How are you feeling now and what have they advised you to do going forward?
The food was, pretty bad. Yep I still plan to visit a doctor on a regular basis and take my medicine. This time I am going to take it, even when I start to feel better, asuming that ever happens.
Jason
I'm still feeling nervous and a little scared about being in the real world again. I felt safe inside the mental hospital. I proably would have liked to stay longer but I got to be able to do my job or I will get fired. They told me I can come back anytime I want and I do feel better at the thoughts of having a regular counsleour to talk to, every week instead of once every 3 months when I need my pills.
Jason
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