thing is they don't seem to realise the effect is has on others
No, they don't. I did fine grades-wise, but was unpleasant to my mother when I was college-age. It was returned to me double, with two of my three kids!

Think about it though. When you were young, would you have listened to sage advice? No. I just try to remember how I was at a certain age and my mindset.
It might be that your son is also disappointed even if he doesn't admit it. This might well be what gets him to buckle down a bit more.
I told my kids to do their work, then play. It's a lot more fun to play and party when the work is done and nothing is hanging over your head.