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If You Could Change Something In Your Past

I wouldn't have gone to university straight out of high school. I would have taken a couple of years - gotten a job instead for a time and got myself into therapy a lot sooner than I did.

Then once I had myself sorted, I could go to university. That's what's happened anyway and it's working so much better than the first time.

I also wouldn't have made a certain accusation against a family member. It was true, but in hindsight I wish I'd kept it to myself.
 
I have two:

1. I would have stayed in the Air Force. I loved my time in the Air Force but to me at the time it was a stepping stone to bigger and better things. Mostly to get my college paid for and gain some practical knowledge. The old adage about Grass Being Greener. I've made good amount of money in civilian life but it has never been as rewarding as serving in the military. I knew in the back of my mind at the time I made the decision that I was making the wrong decision but I was sure of it.

2. I should've broken up with my ex-Fiancée sooner then I did. We spent seven years together and were about five months from the wedding when we did break up. However there were major problems with our relationship long before then. She had some emotional and anger issues but I don't want to make it seam like it was all her fault because it definitely wasn't. We had a great relationship most of the time but in the long run we weren't the right people for each other.
 
Another reason I need a windfall, dental implants!

No kidding. Ka-ching!

I'm going to have one done, hopefully right after Thanksgiving. Just got the go-ahead from the husband (who sorted out our insurance).
 
I'm in the middle portion of having dental implants done. I have the posts in where the teeth use to be and next visit I will be measured for my new teeth. It's been hard, I'm living in Syracuse NY but my dentist is on Long Island, so lots of driving back and forth. I'll be very happy when this is all over.
 
My greatest regret is twofold:
First, not marrying my soulmate, because I was too afraid people would find out I'm gay... I was afraid of employers, workmates, friends, etc. He wanted us to live life more openly. Had we just gone to another state to marry, his family could NOT have shut me out while he lay dying in the hospital.

Second, letting him go out with friends that night. Maybe, he wouldn't have been hit by a distracted driver who was texting his girlfriend behind the wheel. We argued about whether he should go... I thought he should spend the time with me.

Either of those two incidents would have changed my life forever. I thought about other decisions: business deals, education, job decisions. However, even though some of those were bad choices... I wouldn't have the close set of friends I have now. In fact, I would never have met them. They are really standing by me in ways my old friends never would. All in all, I guess I wouldn't change a thing.
 
Another thing I probably should have done differently is start applying for jobs in the Austin area once I arrived in Louisiana almost three years ago. It was a temporary job to begin with. This way, it would helped me with graduate school as I'd be an in-state student.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love where I am. professionally-wise, I probably should have gone to Texas, especially since the job in Louisiana was meant to be temporary.
 
Aside from a small college fund which paid for my freshman year, I pride myself on working and paying my way through college. However, I did more working than studying, and while I received my degree and have a decent job which I am somewhat happy in, I would prefer to be in a different field. I just didn't give myself the opportunity to seek other options.

I also wish I had cut the red wire instead of the black wire. Those poor penguins. I still have nightmares...
 
I would have stopped myself in 1979 and said, "See that person? Yeah, don't go out with her. It will be a life made of pain and regret. Don't do it. Have your kids with someone else".
 
I had an opportunity to go to law school with a buddy of mine and turned it down. While I have been fairly successful, a law degree would have opened many more opportunities for me.
 
I probably would have taken my friend up on his offer to invest in the Stock Market in 1988. I might have been better off financially now. At the time, I didn't understand the market and was too scared to take the risk, so I didn't.
 
I would move away from my hometown like I had planned to a couple years after college. I had set a goal and a date to move, and I ended up getting what looked like the perfect job before I could follow through. In hindsight, had I moved then, who knows? I might have met someone, or have a better job. And I would be 2 hours away from my folks instead of 5 minutes. Much as I love them, that buffer seems so appealing these days. I'd seriously consider moving now, except that my mom is dealing with cancer, and I'm their only child. They kind of need me right now.
 
While there's nothing I could have done to prevent my mother dying of cancer I so wish she was still here. I was five months pregnant with my youngest child when she died and it breaks my heart that they never knew each other. While I miss her every day despite holding on to some resentment about childhood things it hurts even more that my kids never really knew her.

I also wish I'd had the strength and confidence in my youth that I have now. I was a depressed little doormat and never stood up for myself. Of course it's been all the shit life's thrown at me over the past 20 years that's made me the stronger person I am today, but those early years would have been so much easier to handle if I'd had more belief in myself.

Linked to that, I wish I'd developed good exercise and eating habits in my youth. Obesity is a pain in the ass.
 
Of things that I could've actually controlled... I wish I'd learned to be more disciplined when I was young. My career would've gone further, faster, and my house would look nicer.

Eh. I totally get the argument about not changing things because they'd change who we are, and unintended consequences and all. But there are things in my past that really didn't do anything to improve my character, or to enrich my life. I wouldn't hesitate a moment to prevent my brother's death, or to stop a few of the other horrible things that happened to people I love. Struggle and strife makes one stronger to a point. I'm strong enough already.

I'm not sure that struggle and strife make us stronger at all. I think it's more that they give us the opportunity to discover how strong we already are.
 
I'd like to have not been hit by a truck. Brain injuries and PTSD suck. That's about it.
 
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