If You Could Change Something In Your Past

[Orac Zen]

Leaving aside the somewhat trite and obvious remarks about all past experiences making a person into who they are now blah blah blah (true, but anyway...), a few things come to mind:

* I'd have worked harder in high school and at uni;

* when someone asked a particular question, I'd have said yes (or at least maybe);

* I wouldn't have asked a particular question;

* I'd have left my dog at home.

 

[FPAlpha]

Big thing?

Telling my lazy ass student self in the late teens and early 20s to work harder in school and university to finish that degree.. my life is ok now but it could be much better careerwise if i hadn't been so lazy.

Not being persistent enough to get my mom away from my asshole dad.. since he's retired about almost 10 years ago he has gradually ramped up his assholishness each year and my mom pays for his tyranny in mental health (luckily he doesn't beat her but threatens so many times). Only now when my mom has turned 75 is she making real effort to separate from him. Should have been way sooner so she could recover sooner (i always see this when she visits me for a few weeks, after a short while she's so relaxed and fun when she doesn't have to endure him each day).


Small things?

Realizing all those small possibilities that were right in front of me but i chose to ignore because i wanted "better" things that were unattainable (such as going for the hot slut in my youth and ignoring all the signs of the good girl that i could have a good relationship with).

 

[doubleohfive]

"There are many parts of my youth that I'm not proud of. There are loose threads... untidy parts of me that I would like to remove. But when I pulled on one of those threads... it unraveled the tapestry of my life."

Wise words. That said ... there are number of choices I've made that would like to revisit, chief among them being the circumstances surrounding my moving to California. Really, I just wish I'd planned it better instead of following my heart instead of my brain.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I was a fan from age 11 through my 30s. I was a fanatic too. Lived and breathed it.

My sports love has diminished a lot over the years. No reason, but perhaps after so many years, it just ebbed a bit. I still love all of my teams, but I don't follow them obsessively.

Oh that reminds me: I didn't even have the courage to try a Primanti Bros sandwich when I was in Pittsburgh last year. I'd fix that too.

 

[thestrangequark]

Eh. I totally get the argument about not changing things because they'd change who we are, and unintended consequences and all. But there are things in my past that really didn't do anything to improve my character, or to enrich my life. I wouldn't hesitate a moment to prevent my brother's death, or to stop a few of the other horrible things that happened to people I love. Struggle and strife makes one stronger to a point. I'm strong enough already.

 

[doubleohfive]

Eh. I totally get the argument about not changing things because they'd change who we are, and unintended consequences and all. But there are things in my past that really didn't do anything to improve my character, or to enrich my life. I wouldn't hesitate a moment to prevent my brother's death, or to stop a few of the other horrible things that happened to people I love. Struggle and strife makes one stronger to a point. I'm strong enough already.

Well I certainly wasn't referring to something huge like preventing the death of a loved one with that old Picard quote.

You have my sincerest apologies if it came across as insensitive.

 

[thestrangequark]

^Oh man, not at all! That wasn't really directed specifically at you -- it was a sentiment a lot of people in this thread (and IRL of course) have expressed. It's the whole "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and "suffering enriches" attitude, which is totally true to a point, but I think people put way too much stock in it.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

I made some mistakes that were absolutely 100% wrong. However many years later the consequences of those mistakes I am absolutely 100% thrilled with. So when I look at this question the big mistakes, can't really do them. Also all the stuff about working harder, careers, sure I could say all that X 10 BUT I do like who I am today so I'm hesitant to kick my younger butt into being someone different.

 

[Australis]

^ I hear ya.

I wouldn't want to change anything because everything in the past has informed who and where I am today.

True, but I believe I'd be a happier person, if not a better one, if I'd not made soe choices. Or to be more accurate, but more confident and pro-active with my life instead of "whatever happens, man".

Too many things to list, really. Not meeting certain people, or not tying myself to them for so long. Study harder. Get away sooner. Practice music more. Write much more. Believe in myself when no one else did. Except my parents. And on that, speaking up louder to the doctors when my mum had leukaemia with therapy ideas that, it seems now, years later, might have worked. Still angry and bitter aboutt hat one. And dental care, yeah, seems small, very important.

I am who I am now, adn I guess that's okay. But I could have been happier.

 

[Taylirious]

Everything!

 

[Australis]

Please be more concise. One word is not enough. Be specific. Parents? Siblings? Dug habits? WHat?

 

[Taylirious]

I mean every single thing!

 

[Australis]

Not helping. Pinpoint one or two things that, were they different, would bring about meaningful change. We've all done that here. Life is overwhelming, I know, but we have to know where we've been and what we've done, to change the continuing journey. Blindly going along the same road hoping it gets better does not work. I know. I could blanket say "everything" too, but that doesn't help me change.

Ever thought of going back to school and rebooting your life from there? I have, it helped a bit.

ETA: The longest journey... starts with one step.

 

[Taylirious]

If I have some sort of windfall it might help.

It goes from having a family that was horrible, always being in poverty, not having people around me to look to for inspiration, having so called friends who were bad influences to just leaving when I needed them the most.

I am just not a strong person.

ETA: I regret posting that but am going to leave it.

 

[Australis]

No that's fine. Really.

A windfall would help A LOT of us!

We all have "friends" that take us down the wrong road (really, so many bad roads, so many bad choices).

I admit I was luck with my parents and siblings, but other parts of family life haven't been so lucky. And I won't speak for anyone here, but I know some posters haven't talked to some members of their family, even parents, for decades. Somestimes we are sadly related to bad people. But, to be a little blunt, if you let them hold you back, they win. And you can make another family. Look at us here. We bicker and argue, but if you look close, we mostly care what happens to one another. We mourn the ones we lose. Just like family. And I know you don't believe it, but we care about you. You can tell us stuff. We can help you help yourself.

As for inspiration... well, what are you into. As a writer, there are certtain writers I admire and want to emulate, wishing to be as articualte, wiose and funny as they are. And as a musician, there are some fantastic bands out there, playing stuff I play in my dreams. I can't do a lot of this stuff, but I try. One step at a time.

Things are bleak. Things are always bleak. It's just a matter of finding the good moments. Trust us, and hang in there.

 

[Taylirious]

I can't change my family unless I could get adopted(by more positive people).

There are 3 people I wish I never met and they wouldn't change potential positive experiences.

I wish I would have stayed involved at my church during age 16-21+.

ETA: Stuff with music, art & movies I found on my own.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

One thing I think we can all gain from this thread regardless of our current age is to get with the brushing and flossing and to get with it NOW.

 

[Taylirious]

Another reason I need a windfall, dental implants!

 

[Joel_Kirk]

I would go back and stay on my calorie counting diet, and not go on the high fat/low carb/gluten free diet. I've already gained pounds I don't need(and puffy feet)due to my new diet.

I'm supposed to be heading towards ab-sation, not Fat Albertland. (With that said, I'm currently eating a 880 calorie pint of ice cream, which is coming out of my 1900 allotment).

 

[iguana_tonante]

Hard to say for me. I am very content with my life, I avoided making big mistakes, and I don't have family tragedies I could have prevented (I lost loved ones to illness, but there is nothing I could have done to change it).

If anything, I could probably do with being a bit more focused on results during my university years: I wasn't exactly lazy, as I was always working on something, but I got somewhat aimless at times.

EtA: Oh, I thought of something else: I would take the opportunity to go abroad for a year during university. I did it for shorter periods of time, mostly to collect data for my work, but I never did the full-immersion thing. It would have been awesome and challenging, given my homebody attitude with moving, and now I kinda regret I never got around to do it.