How would you feel if a couple of years later your surviving parent remarried? Lets assume that the new spouse is a decent enough person.
If one of your parents died
- Thread starter Miss Chicken
- Start date
All Seeing Eye
Admiral
I'd go ballistic. But that wouldn't happen anyway.
Why would I have a problem with it? It's silly, IMHO.
My mother died when I was 11. My dad got remarried. It's as simple as that. What the hell was I supposed to do, tell him he has to be alone for the rest of his life? Bullshit. Nobody should be expected to do that. It's not like he stopped loving my mom when he married my stepmother.
I was never opposed to the idea of my dad getting remarried. Not one bit. I was all for it, as it should be. I mean, while my stepmom and I have not always seen eye to eye, I think she's great and she and my dad obviously love each other very much. Does this mean he didn't love my mom when she was alive, or that he doesn't *still* love her? Fuck, no.
I don't see why this is even a question, really. People don't become hermits when their spouse dies. My mom wouldn't have *wanted* my dad to be alone for the rest of his life. No decent parent (or child) would.
My mother died when I was 11. My dad got remarried. It's as simple as that. What the hell was I supposed to do, tell him he has to be alone for the rest of his life? Bullshit. Nobody should be expected to do that. It's not like he stopped loving my mom when he married my stepmother.
I was never opposed to the idea of my dad getting remarried. Not one bit. I was all for it, as it should be. I mean, while my stepmom and I have not always seen eye to eye, I think she's great and she and my dad obviously love each other very much. Does this mean he didn't love my mom when she was alive, or that he doesn't *still* love her? Fuck, no.
I don't see why this is even a question, really. People don't become hermits when their spouse dies. My mom wouldn't have *wanted* my dad to be alone for the rest of his life. No decent parent (or child) would.
Well, it would admit I would feel weird/uneasy for a while, but I absolutely would want the living one to be happy. And I'm sure my dead parent would be the same (if I die, I would want my partner to find another good man and be happy). So I would support it with all my heart.
If the person was nice and embraced my brother and me and didn't pull my father away from us and my brother's kids, I might be okay with it. But I'd really have to get to know that person.
I was surprise when my usually understanding sister told me she wouldn't want my mother to remarry even though my Dad has been dead for more than 4 years. She believe that if Mum remarried she wouldn't be honouring Dad's memory.
I on the other hand would have no issue with my mother remarrying.
I wouldnt care one one damn bit!
If my Dad died, I'd be happy if my Mom remarried. She deserves to be happy.
If my Mom died, I doubt I'd be involved in my Dad's life much at all, so I wouldn't give a damn what he did.
If my Mom died, I doubt I'd be involved in my Dad's life much at all, so I wouldn't give a damn what he did.
My parents divorced when I was in my 20s and out of the house. Mum never remarried and she's quite happy. Dad did marry someone, a woman from his youth and she's a grade-A royal bitch who has separated Dad from all of his kids. I never got to meet her, but my siblings did.
Pretty much, once a parent dies, if the other wants to marry, fine. As long as the new spouse isn't a jerk. We just got unlucky with my Dad. But it's what he wants and he lets her manipulate him, so what can one do?
I've told DH if I die to remarry. I wouldn't like him to be lonely. I'd want him to be happy.
Pretty much, once a parent dies, if the other wants to marry, fine. As long as the new spouse isn't a jerk. We just got unlucky with my Dad. But it's what he wants and he lets her manipulate him, so what can one do?
I've told DH if I die to remarry. I wouldn't like him to be lonely. I'd want him to be happy.
I don't that it is actually going to happen now. We found out last year that my mother has a terminal illness and that her time with us is limited.
I'm actually facing this situation now. My father died 4 years ago; my mother is currently dating someone and is contemplating remarrying.
I have no inherent displeasure at the thought of my mom remarrying. She still has 30+ years ahead of her and I would be horrified if she spent it alone out of some sort of misplaced loyalty to my father.
Whether my mom ever remarries or not is not the issue. The issue is recognizing and respecting the things that make a widowed parent happy and fulfilled. If it takes a remarriage to a suitable mate, fine. If it means a lifetime of singleness, fine.
My mom's long term happiness is the only factor I consider.
That said, my mom is considering marrying someone who is not making her happy now, let alone for the long term, because she feels she's too old and unattractive to be picky. She feels the pool of available men is too small, so she has to take whatever she can get. He's the first one to come along who has shown interest in her since she decided she might want to remarry, and that was only after he eyed her nice house and the fat trust my dad left behind for her to live off of for the rest of her days. If he's looking for a free ride he's going to be disappointed; my dad set up his estate to default to my sister and I in the event my mom remarries. My dad believed it was a husband's responsibility to care for a wife, therefore my mom's hypothetical new husband is to be responsible for her financial well being.
She's miserable with this guy now, but wants to marry him because she thinks he's the only man who will have any interest in her.
THAT I have a problem with and have let her know so.
I have no inherent displeasure at the thought of my mom remarrying. She still has 30+ years ahead of her and I would be horrified if she spent it alone out of some sort of misplaced loyalty to my father.
Whether my mom ever remarries or not is not the issue. The issue is recognizing and respecting the things that make a widowed parent happy and fulfilled. If it takes a remarriage to a suitable mate, fine. If it means a lifetime of singleness, fine.
My mom's long term happiness is the only factor I consider.
That said, my mom is considering marrying someone who is not making her happy now, let alone for the long term, because she feels she's too old and unattractive to be picky. She feels the pool of available men is too small, so she has to take whatever she can get. He's the first one to come along who has shown interest in her since she decided she might want to remarry, and that was only after he eyed her nice house and the fat trust my dad left behind for her to live off of for the rest of her days. If he's looking for a free ride he's going to be disappointed; my dad set up his estate to default to my sister and I in the event my mom remarries. My dad believed it was a husband's responsibility to care for a wife, therefore my mom's hypothetical new husband is to be responsible for her financial well being.
She's miserable with this guy now, but wants to marry him because she thinks he's the only man who will have any interest in her.
THAT I have a problem with and have let her know so.
