The biggest development yet in our relationship happened today. One that could bring its end sooner than anyone could have expected.
We had a big fight yesterday after I told her I was spending the night with Thames. He's been having a really hard time lately with being denied access to his kids and his mom falling down the stairs (I think she was okay) and we haven't seen each other much lately. I felt bad about this, like I should have been there for him like he's been there for me in the past. Yes my I love my girlfriend and would rather spend time with her than him, obviously, but we shouldn't have to spend every day together. Okay, we had arranged to go out on Friday night, but when Thames called me drunk and alone and depressed saying he needed a friend (he didn't say it in words, but I could tell) I would have to be heartless to say no.
Anyway, the night with Thames was pretty cool at first, but it became clear that all he wanted to do was drink. And then Mad Dave showed up. What the fuck! Thames had invited him too! He's not even a good friend. He just wants to take pills all the time. Well, he didn't have any this time, but I think he went outside and smoked weed at one point. He's a dick. It was around this point that I realized that I've totally outgrown these people. Thames has been my best friend most of my life but he's so immature now, compared to me. I realized I didn't want to be there. I made an excuse and left early. Thames barely seemed to care (he'd drunk quite a lot by this point.) I wonder if my friendship with him is over, just like that. Oh well.
It wasn't too late by this point, so I called my girlfriend and said I COULD go out with her and told her to get ready. She got angry and said I couldn't just expect her to come running when my plans change. I said "this is what you wanted!" I just don't understand women. Well, I said "FORGET IT THEN" out of spite and we didn't meet up. I didn't want to go crawling back to Thames and Mad Dave (and for all I knew Ed-Legs might have arrived by now, the weirdo) so I just went home. Night ruined.
I went round to my girlfriend's house today to discuss this, but then she dropped a pipebomb on me that made me forget the previous night's drama had ever happened. I had barely started listing my grievances with her when she said there was something she had to tell me. She said it had happened a week ago but she'd be trying to find a way to say it. She told me that her trip to the third world country has been brought FORWARD by a week to Friday the 27th of April. A WHOLE WEEK. This stunned me. I couldn't speak. My mind was racing. My first thought was that she was lying, that SHE had arranged to go a week earlier after our fight the previous day. I nearly said this, but something told me this was a time to pay it cool. I said I wished she'd told me sooner and asked what this meant for our relationship. Then she dropped a second pipebomb.
She said she didn't know if we even had a relationship. She said she liked me but I was too demanding and needy. She said the way I kept trying to push her into being an atheist was getting to her. No doubt due to her religious indoctrination. She said we'd had fun but she didn't think she could do it anymore. I felt exhausted. Could I really keep fighting for her?
YES, I COULD.
I told her it was just the emotion and pressure getting to her. I explained how specila she is and how her going away even a week earlier was like a dagger through my heart. She could see how upset I was and said she was sorry. So we aren't broken up yet.
But I'm panicking now. What can I do? Not only have I not managed to stop her from going, she's now going A WEEK EARLIER. It's like fate doesn't want us to be together.