Mistake #2: Asking for relationship advice on a Star Trek forum. Dude, seriously.
Nice use of Overused Trope #5,367.
I think my girlfriend is a Christian! Advice needed.
- Thread starter MadBaggins
- Start date
Nice use of Overused Trope #5,367.
The first point is kind of overused as well...
I mean, come on. Any decent relationship has equal input from everyone in it. It's easy for us guys to just whine and moan about "women have all the power" but that's bullshit sympathy-grabbing. Good relationships have a healthy amount of give and take from all involved. Power must be shared.
Indeed.
Well put, MLB.
I guess MadBaggins needs to realize that. Or come up with more convincing stories. Either one, really.
I guess MadBaggins needs to realize that. Or come up with more convincing stories. Either one, really.
That was so perfect that I'm going to assume from now on thet MadBaggins is just Squiggy's creative writing duel/strawman. Also, Squiggy is James Van Der Beek.
Squiggy could come up with better stories than MB. Even if Squigs deliberately tried to dumb down a story and make it sound shitty he'd give himself away because the tale would still make more sense than your average MB story. Heck, most of us could do better.
So, following Squiggy's "normal" commentary on the lunatic hobbit's posts is like a good night at Rocky Horror..
...But the Vanderbeek stuff is like watching a movie directed by both Orson Welles and Steven Spielberg, with special effects by ILM, and a score co-written by John Williams and Bear McCreary.
Now my fucking chest hurts from the laughing...
Oh, I think I'm having a heart atta.......................
...But the Vanderbeek stuff is like watching a movie directed by both Orson Welles and Steven Spielberg, with special effects by ILM, and a score co-written by John Williams and Bear McCreary.
Now my fucking chest hurts from the laughing...
Oh, I think I'm having a heart atta.......................
Well, things got crazy on Friday. We only had one class in the morning and that was it all day. A bunch of people in class decided to go out for a drink in the afternoon after class, and of course invited me. I was hoping she would go along too, but didn't want to appear desperate by asking her. So I got one of my friends who is friendly with one of her friends (the one who hates me) to invite them along. Turns out they were going anyway! I don't know if my girl friend (I don't want to call her "The Christian" because there's more to her than that, but I shouldn't call her "my ex" either since we never slept together, and I'm sure as shit not posting her real name here so this will have to do!) had decided to go because she knew I was going. But at least she hadn't decided NOT to go because she knew I was going!
Following my success with taking it slow, I decided to take it slow. At first I stayed away from her in the bar we were at and chatted to my male friends about things. I did notice her looking over my way a couple of times, when I was looking over at her. I noticed that she was drinking alcohol. I know most Christians do drink (unlike Muslims) and I was kind of happy to see it. Alcohol makes all conversations and social situations easier, I have learned. It would help her loosen up a bit. Personally, I like to drink at a slightly lower rate as everyone else when I'm in a social drinking situation. I won't let on, but I'll subtly drink less than others, so that by the time they're really drunk, I'm still only mildly drunk. This places me at an advantage over them as I'm better able to be quick-witted and appear compatively intelligent and I end up impressing people. It has often been remarked that I can "handle my drink" well. If they only knew the truth!
Anyway, eventually I went over and talked to her. Where she was sitting was on my way to the bathroom, so it didn't look like I was going over just for her. I said hi and she smiled again and asked if I'd come over to talk (hadn't she seen me just come out of the bathroom?) I said if she wanted to so her friends left (good!) and we were alone. Again I played it super cool. I've really been applying a lot of the things I've learned about women lately. I didn't come out and ask her if she was going to Africa or Australia or somewhere to do aids work. I let her talk. She said part of the reason she'd been angry when I'd called her at 6:15 am was because she's been stressed lately because her disabled brother has been having serious problems. YES! I KNEW IT! That's the reason she'd been missing school! Not because she's going to the southern hemisphere, but because her brother's sick. This was wonderful news and I suppressed a smile.
I showed concern about her brother and she told me he was "stable" so that was good. She then asked me why I'd said I was an atheist when I had called. I felt some mild panic now. I wished I had drank more (I'd hardly drunk anything at this point!) rather than sticking to my plan to stay relatively sober. She asked if I was just joking. This was an out and I could have taken it. Obviously it was a big deal to her. She couldn't believe I could be an atheist and still be a cool guy, just like I can't believe somone as cool and cute as her could be all the way Christian. But I decided to be a man and tell the truth. I said no I wasn't joking and I just thought she shuld know. She laughed and asked why. WHAT! My reality was shifting around me yet again, like Worf in Parrallels. I said I thought she was a bigtime Christian. She laughed again and said I was funny. She said it's not a big deal at all and she only goes to church because her parents do. "But what about..." I started to say, thinking of the YouTube video on her computer. But I quickly stopped myself as it would probably look bad if I admitted I'd seen that. I just trailed off instead and said "oh, that's cool! I'm only an atheist because Richard Dawkings is so smart." Which is actually true, but I made it sound like a joke and she laughed again. As for the YouTube video? Some things must remain mysteries forever.
Well, around this time the people from class came over and said they were moving on to ANOTHER bar. I persuaded my girl friend to come with us (her friends weren't coming!) and off we went. It was great. All my fears were fading away. She was just a normal girl after all. She drank and swore like anyone else. More even. The whole class stayed out until late into the afternoon. My girl friend and I were cuddling at one point. I definitely stroked her hair and she laughed then I wore her hair like a moustache and she was in hysterics. I can't really remember much after that. Even though I went along with my plan to drink less than everyone else, that doesn't work when you're out for an insanely long time and you end up drinking a lot whether you want to or not! I remember seriously thinking about kissing her at one point, but I don't think we actually did. In fact I remember coming back from the bathroom at one point and she and some of the others were gone. I couldn't remember when she'd went. I then drank EVEN MORE with some of the guys and the next thing I knew I was at home, leaning against the sink in the bathroom. I have no idea how I got there. Seems I was sleeping standing up. What a crazy day.
I called her today (NOT AT 6:15 AM LOL!) and she laughed when she heard my voice and asked where I'd been. Turns out I'd spent a long time in the bathroom at the bar (I think this was when I was thinking about kissing her) and she'd left because she'd thought I'd gone on to the next bar. We laughed and laughed for ten miutes about that. I asked if she wanted to meet up today but she said she had to spend the day in hospital with her brother. I could tell she'd rather be with me, but we all have obligations.
Well, as you can see, everything is perfect now. I expect to her more good news by the next time I report in. We're defintiely going to go on a real date by this time next week, I have decided. I might even have shown her Richard Dawkings videos by then.
Following my success with taking it slow, I decided to take it slow. At first I stayed away from her in the bar we were at and chatted to my male friends about things. I did notice her looking over my way a couple of times, when I was looking over at her. I noticed that she was drinking alcohol. I know most Christians do drink (unlike Muslims) and I was kind of happy to see it. Alcohol makes all conversations and social situations easier, I have learned. It would help her loosen up a bit. Personally, I like to drink at a slightly lower rate as everyone else when I'm in a social drinking situation. I won't let on, but I'll subtly drink less than others, so that by the time they're really drunk, I'm still only mildly drunk. This places me at an advantage over them as I'm better able to be quick-witted and appear compatively intelligent and I end up impressing people. It has often been remarked that I can "handle my drink" well. If they only knew the truth!
Anyway, eventually I went over and talked to her. Where she was sitting was on my way to the bathroom, so it didn't look like I was going over just for her. I said hi and she smiled again and asked if I'd come over to talk (hadn't she seen me just come out of the bathroom?) I said if she wanted to so her friends left (good!) and we were alone. Again I played it super cool. I've really been applying a lot of the things I've learned about women lately. I didn't come out and ask her if she was going to Africa or Australia or somewhere to do aids work. I let her talk. She said part of the reason she'd been angry when I'd called her at 6:15 am was because she's been stressed lately because her disabled brother has been having serious problems. YES! I KNEW IT! That's the reason she'd been missing school! Not because she's going to the southern hemisphere, but because her brother's sick. This was wonderful news and I suppressed a smile.
I showed concern about her brother and she told me he was "stable" so that was good. She then asked me why I'd said I was an atheist when I had called. I felt some mild panic now. I wished I had drank more (I'd hardly drunk anything at this point!) rather than sticking to my plan to stay relatively sober. She asked if I was just joking. This was an out and I could have taken it. Obviously it was a big deal to her. She couldn't believe I could be an atheist and still be a cool guy, just like I can't believe somone as cool and cute as her could be all the way Christian. But I decided to be a man and tell the truth. I said no I wasn't joking and I just thought she shuld know. She laughed and asked why. WHAT! My reality was shifting around me yet again, like Worf in Parrallels. I said I thought she was a bigtime Christian. She laughed again and said I was funny. She said it's not a big deal at all and she only goes to church because her parents do. "But what about..." I started to say, thinking of the YouTube video on her computer. But I quickly stopped myself as it would probably look bad if I admitted I'd seen that. I just trailed off instead and said "oh, that's cool! I'm only an atheist because Richard Dawkings is so smart." Which is actually true, but I made it sound like a joke and she laughed again. As for the YouTube video? Some things must remain mysteries forever.
Well, around this time the people from class came over and said they were moving on to ANOTHER bar. I persuaded my girl friend to come with us (her friends weren't coming!) and off we went. It was great. All my fears were fading away. She was just a normal girl after all. She drank and swore like anyone else. More even. The whole class stayed out until late into the afternoon. My girl friend and I were cuddling at one point. I definitely stroked her hair and she laughed then I wore her hair like a moustache and she was in hysterics. I can't really remember much after that. Even though I went along with my plan to drink less than everyone else, that doesn't work when you're out for an insanely long time and you end up drinking a lot whether you want to or not! I remember seriously thinking about kissing her at one point, but I don't think we actually did. In fact I remember coming back from the bathroom at one point and she and some of the others were gone. I couldn't remember when she'd went. I then drank EVEN MORE with some of the guys and the next thing I knew I was at home, leaning against the sink in the bathroom. I have no idea how I got there. Seems I was sleeping standing up. What a crazy day.
I called her today (NOT AT 6:15 AM LOL!) and she laughed when she heard my voice and asked where I'd been. Turns out I'd spent a long time in the bathroom at the bar (I think this was when I was thinking about kissing her) and she'd left because she'd thought I'd gone on to the next bar. We laughed and laughed for ten miutes about that. I asked if she wanted to meet up today but she said she had to spend the day in hospital with her brother. I could tell she'd rather be with me, but we all have obligations.
Well, as you can see, everything is perfect now. I expect to her more good news by the next time I report in. We're defintiely going to go on a real date by this time next week, I have decided. I might even have shown her Richard Dawkings videos by then.
If you hadn't spent so much time in the bathroom you could've gone from cuddling to boning. Foolish MB. Also, don't show her a Dawkins video. It's way to soon in your "relationship" to start trying to change someone, except for changing into something a little more comfortable.
Nothing says "easy pussy" like showing a practicing Christian some videos of a hardcore, leading atheist. Smooth. At this rate she'll be converted in no time.
MB shoots. He scores.
MB shoots. He scores.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have succinctly summed up the entire MadBaggins saga with one small line.
There's still plenty of time for MB to spectacularly fuck up again.
Wait until he trots out his next story. It'll make New Coke look like a spellbinding success.
I'm hoping he can pull it off for a while. Build some suspense before the house of cards comes crumbling down.
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