I think my girlfriend is a Christian! Advice needed.

[ares93]

If this thread gets any creepier MB is going to start wearing a hockey mask and carrying a machete. "She will be mine." Yeah. Sure. Nothing unsettling about that comment.

Here's Johnny!

Creepiness level: MB 1 - Crazy Johnny 0

 

[Squiggy]

She was in class today!

Holy Nutballz!

First time in over a week. Really strange!

She's attending a class she paid for. How is this strange? This leads me to beleive you don't know what "strange" means.

I thought she'd completely dropped out.

Indeed. She missed what, 2 classes? That's forever in dog-years.

Well anway, I'm getting ahead of myself.

No, you just step up a story. Foreshadowed if it were. It's a legitimate literary device and I applaude your use of it.

I should let you guys know that I didn't send her Teacaked's post like I was going to. On reflection I decided it would probably be a little weird.

Why stop now?

I haven't even talked to her about her missionary work yet.

Because she's avoiding you like the plague.

I've only texted her a couple of times just asking generally to talk.

Way to not seem desperate. I'm sure she responded once she realized how broken your heart was.

She hasn't responded, but at least she didn't text back asking me not to text her anymore.

Well, that's not good. Only a fool would take that as a vaguely encouraging sign.

I took that as a vaguely encouring sign.

I did think about the idea of going to her home but decided against it.

I'll be God damned.

I was out with my friend Thames

You've already introduced him to us. There's no need to preface it with your relationship.

and we were near where she lived

Naturally.

and I asked him to drive us near

Why? So you could take a deep breath and see if she's menstruating?

, but halfway there he asked why and I suddenly felt anxious about the whole thing

You react wrongly in pretty much every situation.

and realized it was wrong. So I told him to turn his van back around and we got out of there. I made the right choice.

Meh. At this point I'd go balls out.

Anyway, as I was saying, she was in our class today!

HOLY. FUCKING. NUTBALLZZZZZzzz111

Just sitting there like nothing had happened.

Well, aside from a lunatic calling her at 6 in the morning, nothing much happened. Were you expecting her to be traumatized for life?

Well, I gave her some space.

You're maturing.

I stayed at the other side of the room. It was only at the end of the class that I started to sidle over in her general direction.

So, you did not give her some space. Not being immediately next to someone for an hour is not giving them some space.

She was talking to her friends and I wanted to hear if she mentioned missionary work.

I'd rather her mission reverse cowgirl work. HEY OH!

I had to know for sure that she was going to do it before I tried to talk her out of it.

You don't have a knack for talking people out of things.

Well, I didn't quite hear anything like that.

Awesome. If you didn't witness it, it never happend.

I think I heard one of her friends (the one that doesn't hate me)

(she does)

mention her brother. That confused me.

You know what? I'm going to let James Vanderbeek take over from here. James?

Could there really be a sick brother after all!?

Maybe she wasn't going to do missionary work.

Well, anyway, she saw me. Our eyes locked.

Time seemed to pause like Picard looking at the hummingbird in Insurrection. Well, not really, that as lame lol.

But I could defiantly feel in my mind that this was a crucial moment in time.

A lot rested on how I reacted to this chance meeting of our eyes. I could blurt out that I knew what I suspected she was planning, or ask if she really had a sick brother, or ask why she didn't return my calls and texts. But I didn't.

Instead I said this.
"I just came over to apologize for everything that happened. It was all my fault and I don't want you to feel weird about it. I'm sorry. I hope we can be friends again someday."

It was, I have to say, a genius move on my part.

No I didn't entirely mean it (it wasn't ALL my fault of course)

but it was the right thing to say to get in her good books again. She thought about it for a second and SMILED and said "that's cool, thanks, see you around."

YES! It worked perfectly.

Now I won't have to do anything to get the truth out of her but get closer to her over the next few days.

She'll tell me everything soon and then I can plan on what to do next irregardless of it's talking her out of leaving the country or comforting her about her sick disabled brother.

Either way, I'll make it work.

I'm definitely not going to let her get away from me. Not this time.

 

[RoJoHen]

Holy shit.

 

[cooleddie74]

I think Squigs just broke the Badass Meter.

 

[ares93]

Dear God! Laddy, you outdid yerself. I didnt quite realize it was possible. They're gonna be talkin about this one for ages.

Epic is a fart in space compared to this. I cant find the words.

 

[cooleddie74]

[The Joker] Where does he get those wonderful toys??? [/Joker]

 

[Balrog]

Vanderbeek for the win!



ETA: autocorrect changes 'Vanderbeek' to 'Gander eel'?

 

[cooleddie74]

Just think. Van Der Beek was in the running to be Anakin Skywalker. Squig's response is almost as though Darth Vader himself were scoffing at MB's story.

 

[Misfit Toy]

Bravo Squiggy. Bravo.

 

[Darth Duck]

Indeed. Well played Squiggy, well played.

MB, it would be really romantic if you followed her to Africa, or North Korea or Madripoor. She'd have to take you then. As long as you brought stuff for charity. Hell, bring Thames, I'm sure he could help too.

 

[Trekker4747]

She was talking to her friends and I wanted to hear if she mentioned missionary work.

I'd rather her mission[sic] reverse cowgirl work. HEY OH!

And the Vanderbeek animations?

Win, Squiggy.

Win.

 

[cooleddie74]

Not since the cancellation of DAWSON'S CREEK have I been so happy to see multiple images of Van Der Beek flash past my retinas. Squigs knows what we want and he gives it to us.

Most of the time.

 

[Australis]

Very well done, Squigs. It's like you have VanDerBeek's phone number and got him to do them just for this thread.

... you do have his phone number, don't you?...

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Shh! Those were pics Squig took with his long range lens..

 

[ares93]

Shh! Those were pics Squig took with his long range lens..

Psst, he barrowed it from MB.

 

[Alpha Romeo]

Ha...now thats funny

 

[Kirby]

And Squiggy wins the internet!

 

[marksound]

To the OP:

I'm guessing that you are male. In that case:

Mistake #1: Assuming that you have any control in/over a relationship with a woman. You might as well learn right now that women hold all the cards and there's nothing you can do about it. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Mistake #2: Asking for relationship advice on a Star Trek forum. Dude, seriously.

 

[Kirby]

Since you're new here I recommend that you go back and read MB's previous 'seasons' before you continue with this thread. You'll enjoy it more.

 

[Squiggy]

That might have been my greatest achievement. Whenever my future children disappoint me I will refer them to this thread and and say "Why can't you make me proud like this?"