So, Thames and I went out yesterday.
Finally, we get to the good stuff.
Goddammit!
of course (you know if we were to ever want to get together I think we could just totally skip the dating period since we know each other so well and go right to the sex. Not that we ever will), we just walked around town together to see what was happening.
God, this whole season is just one prolonged tease.
I wouldn't trust you to run a town in SimCity.
And I'm sure the local authorities knew you quite well, too, Mr. Public Nudity Stalker Creep.
but I've been having some problems since I got back from our trip (as you all know)
Oh, that's an understatement.
so I felt like an alien at first.
Are we foreshadowing something here?
But I started to get back into the groove of things.
If only that was a sexual reference.
We went to the coffee shop and had hot choclate.
Is it already winter in BagginsWorld?
There were girls there. Nice, student type girls, mostly with glasses on. They were quite attractive.
In other words, completely uninterested in you.
A year ago I would have strolled right over to them confidently, sat down and talked.
Only if you found out you were related to them.
I used to be so good with girls.
Especially the mildly retarded cousin kind.
It came easy to me, just being able to talk to girls like they're just any other human being and showing my interest in them in subtle ways.
Yes, I'm sure flashing your penis works wonders as an introduction.
I'm not boasting but I've honestly lost count of the number of girls I've had sexual contact with (I'm including mild stuff like kissing and blowjobs here...if it's just sex then it's...four girls, I think.)
I think it's a stretch to call kissing "sexual contact," bro. But, whatever makes you feel like more of a stud.
I could see Thames looking over too and he gave me that old look he used to give me when he was my wingman as if to say "yes, we're going to go over and talk to those girls." I was pleased, he was completely ignoring the fact that he's supposed to be dating Tubbs.
Yes, it's so nice to hear he has just as much moral integrity as you do.
I had been stopping myself from saying anything negatvie about her to him since our meeting in the park, but secretly I thought that all the things I'd said in the past had collected inside his mind and lived there and festered and rolled together into a big ball until it had finally rollen over the love he THOUGHT he had for her and made him come to his senses.
Or he's just tired of you stalking him. Could be that one. Maybe he thinks you'll stop if he's no longer dating the "FOOD MACHINE".
We went over and...it was a disaster.
Ah, a familiar sensation for you, then.
I suddenly felt panic in my throat and stomach and right down to my toes.
I'm sure you could just feel the felonies racking up.
I felt like I was in my room again when I didn't want to go out. I said NOTHING to the girls. Thames did all the talking and, while Thames is a good looking guy, he does NOT have a lot of topics of conversation.
Well, that's absurd! He likes to talk about wrestling, and... and... cruising for pussy! And also... um... well...
I sat there clutching myself in panic under the table as he began talking about Ultimate Fighting and Batman with the girls. You don't talk about those things with girls!
Isn't Batman how you got into Batgirl's pants?
I could see one of them looking over at me from behind her glasses, a look which said "help me, talk about something normal!"
We're doomed!
DOOOOOOOOOOOMED!
In the old days I would have. I would have been able to fake it, at least, just for a little while, to impress the girl. Maybe days or hours later I wouldn't be able to keep it up anymore and we'd drift apart, but at least initially I'd fake it.
I'm sorry, I'm distracted by phrases like "fake it" and "keep it up".
But as this girl stared at me for minute after minute (and she was the prettiest at the table, she looked a bit like Boomer from BSG only she wasn't asian)
How the Christ does
that work?
I just coulnd't get any words out.
Yeah, that's probably for the best, in your case. The less you say, the smarter you seem.
Finally the girls made some excuse and left. Boomer gave one last look back over her shoulder which I'm sure was meant for me. I managed to shrug an apology with my shoulders.
Excellent. We need to get these distractions out of the way so the Thames storyline can continue.
Thames asked what had happened so I lied and said I didn't think they were hot.
That is NOT the way to prove your ultraheteroness, my friend.
He said "what, are you gay or something?"
WE HAVE A WINNER! DING DING DING!
and then there was a long awkward silence as he remembered my admission of sex thoughts about him.
God, is he thick or what?
I asked why he was talking to other girls anyway and if Food Fan would be angry. He said she's cool with him flirting with other girls and he's cool with her flirting with other guys. Grr! What a set up! Me made me angry! Grr. I wanted to say "she's more likely to be flirting with CAKES!" but I'd told him about Cakes from this board so it might have confused him (I meant the food.)
Wait, what? Is this a two-parter? It just fucking
ended, and I didn't even see a "TO BE CONTINUED..." followed by ominous fanfare.
I agree with
sidious. FAIL! FAIL FAIL FAIL!