I need dumb "super" powers!

[Skywalker]

The ability to speak Russian, but only through lyrics from obscure 1990s Russian pop music.

 

[BolianAuthor]

The ability to just be you, because you don't need to be super... we like you just the way you are...

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

The power to make people puke.

Oh, wait a tic...Lady Gaga already has that.

 

[BolianAuthor]

^

And don't forget Andy Dick...

 

[Jadzia]

Invulnerability to kryptonite.

 

[captcalhoun]

can you jump Six feet into the air from a standing start?!

 

[backstept]

http://superuseless.blogspot.com/

 

[Zulu Romeo]

The power to make people puke.

Oh, wait a tic...Lady Gaga already has that.

The Lady's power has no effect on me. She can't read my puke-r face.

 

[Finn]

The ability to make birds enter open windows

 

[exodus]

The ability to morph into a shoehorn.....and nothing else.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

The power to turn into a photo negative of myself.

 

[backstept]

the ability to accurately estimate the exact airspeed of an unladen swallow

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^ African or European swallow?

 

[Admiral Buzzkill]

The ability to block the operation of any automated espresso machine within a half-mile radius.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

The power to blow minds with my weapons-grade philosophical insights?

 

[BolianAuthor]

The power to safely observe all traffic laws.

 

[Theodore Jay Miller]

The ability to change matter into mashed potatoes.

That's actually quite powerful. You could stop technological villains by turning their weapons and powered armor and vehicles into mashed potatoes, destroy tanks and planes by changing them, get through metal or stone barriers, etc.

 

[BolianAuthor]

The ability to file taxes on time without any errors at all.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

The power to sing bass and do the Movie Preview voice.

 

[Theodore Jay Miller]

Iron Fist - can press wrinkles out of clothes with his bare hands.

Thrill Killer - can make exciting events feel boring.

Terminator - Half his body is always illuminated, the other half is always in darkness.