I need a little advice..or a pat on the back

[freak]

I know I shouldn't bring real life situations up on a Trek board, but I felt I should bring this up and ask everyone their thoughts or if they have had similar experiences?
Sometimes i talk about our former mechanic on here occasionally. Well, he's decided to part ways and part his friendship with me. I'm not sure why-he hasn't really said..but i hope he's not angry at my Dad for anything cause he's been running him ragged these past few days or angry with me for saying something i shouldn't have to him earlier today. He's fed up with life in general and feels that everything he's done has come back to bite him in the ass. Now Dad thinks that he and i are spending too much time together..therefore he has decided to part ways with me, letting me go my way and him go his. This has really hurt my feelings(even though i do feel it's for the best at this time) and made me question my trust in him. It had somehow got out to Dad that i had a job interview on Wednesday. I had wanted to keep it a secret and surprise Dad if i got it or not but either he overheard Mom and him talking or he actually DID say something to Dad about it(which i told him NOT to). He says he didn't say anything-Dad says he did..I don't know who to believe or where to turn. I'm hearing two totally different sides of the coin and frankly it's getting really frustrating and pointless. I have also questioned my trust in our former mechanic about holding a secret..so for now, I'm keeping everything to myself and not telling him a damn thing anymore. I'm just bothered by all of the conflict that has been happening these past few days. I guess I shouldn't let this bother me that much..if he's gonna part ways, then fine. Who am I to stop him? He also hangs around girls who are my age(and who want to get into his pants faster than lightening) and i think he's so miserable in his marriage that he is actually considering sleeping with one of them! I think he's making a HUGE mistake..but that's just my opinion. The girls he hung around with caused conflict, so he parted ways with them a while back. Now he's in turn doing the same thing to me and I didn't do anything to him, other than hang around him. I was just wondering what you all thought about this? Am I just worrying too much or just plain insane? Thanks for reading. Don't like bothering people with problems..but felt I had to post this.

Freak

 

[LitmusDragon]

I apologize if I'm being dense but what sort of mechanic are we talking about here? A car mechanic?

Somehow I feel as though I am missing a large and somewhat crucial piece of this story.

It might help if you broke your narrative up into paragraphs.

 

[freak]

I apologize if I'm being dense but what sort of mechanic are we talking about here? A car mechanic?

Somehow I feel as though I am missing a large and somewhat crucial piece of this story.

It might help if you broke your narrative up into paragraphs.

He was a former car mechanic..a few years back.
Oh sorry..I was rambling on so.
The just of the story is that we are no longer gonna be hanging out as much because he's tired of causing conflict with people and I think he's tired of hanging out with us.
He's miserable in his marriage and was hanging out with girls my age or younger. They caused conflict in his life as well so he parted ways with them as well for a while.
His wife is a bitch and can't stand him..he's just there for the money and security mostly. She also doesn't want him to have anyone else either.
Anyway, chatted with a few friends earlier..they say it's for the best.
I think his wife thinks that we were hanging out too much together and thinks we're sleeping together or some crazy something!
That's the moral of the story.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

It sounds like he is just in a miserable, frustrated mood right now and when some people feel like that they prefer to be alone. I know I do. Tell him if he needs anything you'll be there for him, but give him some space to get his head and his life together.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Sounds like he's parting company with the wrong person.

 

[freak]

Aww, thanks RJ! That means alot. I personally think so too. I appreciate the responses so far. It's just I feel as if it's a finality somehow. He hasn't called like he usually does either. I've called him once or twice to talk some sense into him. He's not mad at me or anything. I think he wants to take time away for himself maybe. Honestly, I'm thinking either his wife gave him an ultimatum or one of those bitchy girls that he hangs around with did and he's just not saying anything to me about it.

I know this much for sure: he went to a Motel 8 last night with another girl and stayed out until 3:30am. That's not something you do with a friend..especially a girl!

I'm just feeling a little neglected and kinda left out in the cold right now. I don't appreciate being treated like that either. But I do need to let him have his space too. i think personally that he would prefer hanging around those other girls anyway because a)their alot prettier than I am and thinner and b)they're also loads of fun.
As I mentioned before, these girls that he hangs around with or used to are bad news because one of the mothers of the girls used to date him way back when and slept with him. The worst part was that she bragged about sleeping with him to her daughter and she told the whole rest of the group of girls about it!!!!! Even though some one of these girls has a good head on her shoulders, I feel like they are all bad news for him and he should drop THEM as friends instead of me.

Earlier he said to me that we'll always be friends..he just cares too much about me to get in the way of conflict. Maybe I'm causing conflict with him in his family as well as with the other girls too! Who knows? All I know is that I'm real upset about the whole situation even though I know deep in my heart that it is for the best right now. I will miss him as a friend..his funny sayings always made me laugh at times. Anyway, it's just a big ole mess and has left a big gaping hole in my heart.

 

[RJDiogenes]

 

[sidious618]

Sounds like he's parting company with the wrong person.

Agreed. Dude needs to leave the wife if the story is accurate.

 

[freak]

Yeah, the story is accurate. It's kinda hard for him to leave the wife at the moment because of security reasons. I don't know. He's been blowing hot and cold with me for the past few days. But his wife doesn't control who he hangs out with just like my Dad doesn't control who I hang out with. I'm gonna work with him one last time tomorrow to get some stuff to storage and then see if there are any errands that need to be run for my Aunt(which he probably will get angry at) in the morning. I don't know. He just didn't act like he even wanted my help earlier when I asked. He's always helping me. I'm just returning the favor. People might be jumping to conclusions and are thinking he and I are seeing each other because we hang out so much. That might be why he's wanting to part ways with me at the moment. But I am thinking it is for the best if he went his own way and I went mine. He might have another job on Monday and I might be working as of next week too but I'm not for sure yet.

 

[JiNX-01]

Sounds like he's parting company with the wrong person.

This.

Tell him you understand (even if you don't really) that he wants some space to sort things out. Offer to be there for him when he's ready to talk or act to change what's going on that leaves him miserable.

 

[freak]

Yeah..I'm gonna tell him that I do understand..and also I want space from him as well after today. Of course he can always still call me for anything and i will listen. I don't want to hang out at the moment though. But he can always call if he wants to talk. He's just been blowing hot and cold with us lately and I feel it's because of me saying something to him the other day about blabbing to Dad about my job interview. I think he's tired of the conflict he brings with me and therefore is gonna stear clear of me for a while. He thinks i need my own life(which i do..but I feel kinda neglected) and he wants to do his own thing from now on.
He also kinda "tried" something with me when we went to visit my Uncle in Florida not too long back. Even though he said that i told him specifically to massage my back cause it was killing me, he started groping me and it made me feel very uncomfortable. I didn't know what to say..I know I should have said "stop" but didn't cause I didn't want to hurt his feelings or anything. Guess I brought the problem on myself at the time...for that I feel like a stupid moron. He also tried something once before when Mom was in the hospital with her heart attack. He tried to kiss me..and it was disgusting! I told him "no" at that time and felt like he was using me because I was so vulnerable. I didn't speak to him for three weeks and felt like i needed some space.
So maybe parting ways is the best thing for the both of us right now. If mom knew what he had done to me, she would not let me hang out with him ever again..nor Dad. Mom doesn't need to worry because of her condition and I don't want to bother her with it. Besides, a woman needs her secrets to keep, doesn't she? Anyway, thanks for all the responses!

 

[freak]

Hi again everyone..today we went to put stuff up in storage and Glen had been blowing hot and cold with me the whole entire time. He brought his son along which was fine but then acted like he didn't even want me to be around to help. He made me feel like a heel the whole entire time I was there. I don't wish to be around someone who doesn't want me around..you know what i mean? Well, he called earlier and got pulled over by a state police officer going 65 in a 55 zone. He also got warned for not having proof of insurance in his glove compartment. On one side, I'm laughing cause he brought it upon himself..shouldn't have been speeding. On the other side, I'm thinking: geesh, that sucks!

Anyway, we had a good talk..i think personally he's jealous of those guys that I talked to over at the resturant. He doesn't want to have anything to do with me if I'm gonna take a black guy or any other guy. I told him specifically:that guy came to ME..I didn't go to HIM. Besides, he had a nice body but he wasn't that hot. His other buddy that works with him was hot. Even if I was, it's none of his damned business..he's not my keeper!

He's now seperated from his wife..but living in the same house..just staying away from her. I think he's gonna take up with that Susan girl cause she's moving back from TX in a week or two. So he's gonna help her move and will probably take up with her. Hell he's already calling her his girlfriend!!! She's younger than I am. I just don't want him to get hurt again. But I'm gonna let him live his own life..just as he is letting me live mine. That doesn't mean I'm gone for good..I'll be around still. I'm just gonna go and have some fun once in a while. Lord knows I deserve it!

 

[RJDiogenes]

He's having a mid-life crisis. He needs a dopey slap.

 

[propita]

You know, you've mentioned a number of times that he's seeing girls your age or younger. You also posted that you went on a trip with him and, when he began groping you, you didn't put a stop to it for fear of ... hurting his feelings?!

Are you sure your feelings aren't involved in here somewhere?

The man's life is complicated. He's going from wife to girlfriend (who doesn't appear to be you). Let him deal with what's going on and you start hanging with someone closer to your own age. Don't complicate your own life for fear of hurting his feelings, or any other reason like this.

 

[freak]

Yeah, propita..I'm sure. just a little confused. We've sort of "buried the hatchett" so to speak but the hanging out thing is still up in the air. He's just angry cause he thought i was hanging out with a black guy and he's against racial marriage. I wasn't marrying the guy or making out with him! We were just talking. Dad made me out to be the bad guy earlier cause he said that Glen thought I was mad at HIM for telling about my job interview. What I was upset about was that Glen decided to just drop me as a friend by jumping to conclusions too soon about me hanging out with a black guy. And no, the girlfriend is definitely not me in this case. And I'm sure my feelings aren't involved in there somewhere at all. I do think however that he has feelings towards me and has asked me numerous times to go to a motel room. I respectfully declined all times. Maybe the thing to do is just not hang out this week at all and give him time to cool off about me a bit and hang out with those other girls if he wants to.

 

[propita]

How old are you?

He's propositioned you "numerous times" and you've "respectfully declined all times." Hey, if you've rejected him for that more than once and he keeps coming on to you, get out of there. Your continuing to hang with him gives him hope and he may not just let you go some time.

You're making a mistake and it sounds like you're playing a game (not intentionally), with him but more importantly, with yourself. You enjoy his attention. You seek it out. And some time he's gonna want payback for the attention. It's very easy to not realize there's a game going on, but it's: You do/say this. He does/says that. Repeat with the next however many steps until it's all routine. That's what I mean by "game"--more "pattern." That you two have a "routine" you do/say without consciously being aware of it.

Be aware of it. Get out of it. You sound young and you might as well learn about the emotional stuff that comes with relationships, especially the feelings/actions that are so automatic we don't know we're doing it, but can cause lots of problems.

 

[freak]

Yeah, propita, I'm fairly young. About 29 at the moment(even though I type like I'm 12 years old sometimes!). Anyway, yeah I do seek his attention sometimes and I like being around him cause he's funny. I did not realize however that later on it was gonna cause problems. It's like whatever I do or say is wrong and my life is indeed turning into a game of some sorts. I think the thing to do is give it some time. Dad wants us to make up cause he has helped us tremendously with everything and is really appreciated around here. For Glen's sake, I hope he does take up with one of those girls. I think Susan is 28 or so..she could be younger though. I'm not for sure. But I do need to stay away for a while and let him live a life with someone else other than me.

 

[propita]

You need to stay away for a while and live a life with someone else other than HIM.

You're 29, so you're not a child anymore. There is a lot of space between "being friends" like your Dad wants and the closeness you seem to be toying with with this guy.

Give yourself time and space and the company of other people. Not necessarily anything serious, just others to hang out with, get coffee, and talk with. Stuff like that. Normal friendships without serious emotional baggage attached--and where the "pattern/game" has not been established.

 

[freak]

Yeah, you're right, propita. I'm just not sure anymore..about anything. You actually think I'm "toying" with him?? I think it goes both ways on this one. He's been toying with ME this whole time..but I was blind and had thought of it as just being innocent banter. I'm just not quite used to this kinda drama in my life. I've never had to deal with this kind of emotional baggage before. We did make up though and are still on speaking terms..the "friendship" thing is out in the air still but it's his call..I'll still be there if he needs me but if he doesn't wish to hang around me anymore, then that's fine. I'm not gonna push someone if they don't wish to hang with me.

 

[freak]

I have an update..he called me earlier and said, "we need to talk". I was like: uh-oh..what's up? He said: yeah, uh-oh is right. I asked him what about and he was like: well I heard from a good friend that YOU were the one who came on to that black guy the other night.He then preceeded to tell me that "if you believe in God like you say you do, then you need to use that brain of yours and realize when something you do is wrong. You are too gullible for your own good." He didn't beleive me when I told him that it was totally innocent that HE came on to ME. He was like; I don't give a damn WHAT happened. What's worse, this happened at my Aunt's resturant today. I talked to my Aunt and personally told her my side of the story. i didn't tell her though that Glen was the one to bring it up because he said that he "would deny he ever said anything to me." My Aunt gave me some advice-to stear clear of her workers. They are bad news for me and are not my type. I told her: yes that I was sorry to cause any conflict. I was just being nice to this guy and it was nice to be noticed for once. I just don't want any vicious rumors to be spread about me or my reputation to be trashed. Dad would have a stroke if he knew about any of this. Glen wouldn't tell me who told him the rumor because he "trusts" this person and "has known him/her for years"(sounds kinda fishy to me!)I can't believe that Glen would stoop so low as to believe a so-called "friend" who really isn't his friend AT ALL over me without even hearing my side of the story first. That thoroughly pisses me off and I'm gonna tell him that tomorrow when I talk to him. I may be a bit naiive and gullible, but I do have a brain and can tell right from wrong. Sometimes I bring conflict in my own direction without even realizing it. I personally think I need a break from Glen. Saturday I felt like a monster around him..like I was the ugliest, lowest scumbag on the face of the earth. Tell you the gest of this story: At the marathon that I helped at, this black guy came on to me and started playing 50 questions with me. He was drunk and i should have seen that as an omen to leave..but was being nice and decided not to. Now rumors are starting to spread at the workplace that I came onto HIM and somehow that got back at Glen and he's stopped wanting to hang around me anymore because he's against interracial marriage. I had to tell mom about this because I can't keep things like this bottled up inside of me. It's just not healthy! I think she's gonna end up talking to him. I told her to be prepared for him to deny everything he said to me and for him to pretend that everything is all hunky-dorey when it isn't. Thank god that both mom and my Aunt believe me. These past few days or past week have been nothing but hell and i feel like saying to hell with glen because I don't want to associate with someone who a)believes I'm a damn liar and b)doesn't want to hang out with me. I remember him telling me to believe only half of what you hear and half of what you see one time..where did this saying run off to??? And why is he believing a so-called good "friend" over his "former favorite person"? To me, this sounds fishy and it looks like I need to seriously cut ties to the friendship before the drama gets out of hand. This just isn't right! I feel so alone and feel like jumping off the nearest bridge because of this! I can't believe a good friend of mine would stoop this low and believe that I'm a liar!