I have nothing to wear...

[Trekker4747]

Got into this discussion tonight with my parents, brother and SiL and we all had different views on what this means.

Here's the set-up, a neighbor and her fiancée are going through couples counseling as per the religion to ensure the marriage will work, and in the more recent session the book they were going through it talked about what it means when a spouse tells the other they have "nothing to wear" for a last-minute party. According to this book when a woman says it she means it literally -that is she has nothing nice to wear/appropriate for the party. However when a man says it, according to his book, he's criticizing the woman for not doing her wifely duties in maintaining his laundry.

When I heard this I scoffed and wondered out loud if the book was written in 1956 because such an "idea" strikes me as very, very old school when a woman was expected to do everything she could to make the man's life easy and her failure to do domestic chores is harmful to the marriage.

My family, for the most part, thinks the man would mean it literally too. He has nothing appropriate to wear. At scoffed a bit at this idea too. Because they way I see it, baring an extreme situation, a man always has something to wear. Every man has dress pants, a dress shirt, dress shoes and a tie and possibly even a sport-jacket. A batch of clothing appropriate for any occasion save extreme formal situations where a tuxedo or something vastly more formal would be called for than a simple suit.

A woman, on the other hand, may "need" something to wear the "right dress", the "right shoes" the "right handbag", whatever, a man can usually always figure something out. So if a man says "I have nothing to wear" he's making an excuse to not go. He doesn't want to go. This got a good laugh out of my family and they sort of admitted, grudgingly, this is what it could mean but the consensus was that this couples-counseling group was wrong. So where do you think it is?

A man tells his spouse/girlfriend that he has nothing to wear for an upcoming social event. Presuming this isn't a situation that calls for heavy-formal attire but just "dress nice", business type affair what does it mean when the man tells her that he has nothing to wear? The event occurs too close to the time the question is asked to allow for the purchasing/cleaning of clothes.

A. He has nothing to wear that'd be appropriate for the occasion.
B. His clothes aren't clean so he has nothing clean to wear for the occasion due to his own fault -he's responsible for his/the laundry.
C. His clothes aren't clean and he's criticizing his wife/GF for not doing her laundry duties.
D. He doesn't want to go to the event and he's making excuses.
E. Other...

NOTE:

I did not make this poll to invite discussion for other interpretations in this situation. I'm only talking about it from the perspective a heterosexual couple and, admittedly, stereotypical dynamics. I didn't mention homosexuals couples/situations as I honestly don't know how they work in this manner and interaction, if you're in a homosexual relationship and have input into how this plays out with your SO, your input is naturally welcome.

 

[Captain_Nick]

I would never say that because I always keep a backup set of clothes at home

 

[Amaris]

Got into this discussion tonight with my parents, brother and SiL and we all had different views on what this means.

Here's the set-up, a neighbor and her fiancée are going through couples counseling as per the religion to ensure the marriage will work, and in the more recent session the book they were going through it talked about what it means when a spouse tells the other they have "nothing to wear" for a last-minute party. According to this book when a woman says it she means it literally -that is she has nothing nice to wear/appropriate for the party. However when a man says it, according to his book, he's criticizing the woman for not doing her wifely duties in maintaining his laundry.

When I heard this I scoffed and wondered out loud if the book was written in 1956 because such an "idea" strikes me as very, very old school when a woman was expected to do everything she could to make the man's life easy and her failure to do domestic chores is harmful to the marriage.

My family, for the most part, thinks the man would mean it literally too. He has nothing appropriate to wear. At scoffed a bit at this idea too. Because they way I see it, baring an extreme situation, a man always has something to wear. Every man has dress pants, a dress shirt, dress shoes and a tie and possibly even a sport-jacket. A batch of clothing appropriate for any occasion save extreme formal situations where a tuxedo or something vastly more formal would be called for than a simple suit.

A woman, on the other hand, may "need" something to wear the "right dress", the "right shoes" the "right handbag", whatever, a man can usually always figure something out. So if a man says "I have nothing to wear" he's making an excuse to not go. He doesn't want to go. This got a good laugh out of my family and they sort of admitted, grudgingly, this is what it could mean but the consensus was that this couples-counseling group was wrong. So where do you think it is?

A man tells his spouse/girlfriend that he has nothing to wear for an upcoming social event. Presuming this isn't a situation that calls for heavy-formal attire but just "dress nice", business type affair what does it mean when the man tells her that he has nothing to wear? The event occurs too close to the time the question is asked to allow for the purchasing/cleaning of clothes.

A. He has nothing to wear that'd be appropriate for the occasion.
B. His clothes aren't clean so he has nothing clean to wear for the occasion due to his own fault -he's responsible for his/the laundry.
C. His clothes aren't clean and he's criticizing his wife/GF for not doing her laundry duties.
D. He doesn't want to go to the event and he's making excuses.
E. Other...

NOTE:

I did not make this poll to invite discussion for other interpretations in this situation. I'm only talking about it from the perspective a heterosexual couple and, admittedly, stereotypical dynamics. I didn't mention homosexuals couples/situations as I honestly don't know how they work in this manner and interaction, if you're in a homosexual relationship and have input into how this plays out with your SO, your input is naturally welcome.

I don't own a suit of clothes. The nicest shirts and pants I have are office casual at best. So if I said "I have nothing to wear", then I would mean it. Then again, if I knew there was an upcoming social event, I would remedy that by preparation. Waiting until that night and declaring one has "nothing to wear" is just bad planning. Accepting the invitation to a social event where you know you have nothing to wear is bad planning.

In this case, it being a "last minute party", and knowing I would have nothing to wear, my choice would be to either purchase the required dress clothes, or not go. To do otherwise is, again, bad planning.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

I don't think I've ever heard a man say, "I have nothing to wear."

When women say it, sometimes it means they literally have nothing appropriate to the situation. But, in my experience, it just as (more?) often means they don't have anything they want or are in the mood to wear.

 

[MANT!]

Dear Wife has completed a wardrobe for me that means that I'll be properly dressed for any occasion (From beach to funerals)...

her wardrobe is MUCH more extensive than mine..but she never has anything to wear..


I simply smile and help her through such minor catastrophies..

 

[iguana_tonante]

If you have nothing to wear, for heaven's sake don't post a picture of yourself here.

That said, I make my washing myself, or I take it to laundry. I won't trust anybody else around my clothes.

And..

dress pants, a dress shirt, dress shoes and a tie and possibly even a sport-jacket

...a suit do not make.

 

[Trekker4747]

If you have nothing to wear, for heaven's sake don't post a picture of yourself here.

That said, I make my washing myself, or I take it to laundry. I won't trust anybody else around my clothes.

And..

dress pants, a dress shirt, dress shoes and a tie and possibly even a sport-jacket

...a suit do not make.

Maybe not, but "dressy enough" if all the slacks and jacket are the same color.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

If I said I don't have anything to wear, it would be because I didn't have anything to wear for whatever reason (if I didn't have any laundry that would be my fault, not anyone else's). Though I haven't really had an issue with not having anything to wear since I was a teenager.

If I didn't want to go to a party and my significant other didn't care if I attended, I would just tell her that I didn't want to go. If it was something important to her that she wanted me to attend, I'd either be genuinely happy to be there for her or at least would pretend to be happy for her benefit.

Making up weak excuses is lame.

 

[Holdfast]

...

Regarding the counselling the neighbours are going through, is the discussion around the phrase actually being used symbolically, to demonstrate the point that people use communication differently (rather than being about laundry per se and/or gender stereotypes). That would make some more sense to me, and is a good avenue to explore.

Related to that sentiment, my bottom line answer would be that I think it would be borderline pointless to choose one of your options, as it would be very dependent on how the man in person communicates, and the context of the statement.

Put it this way, imagine me saying it, based on the information you have about me. Then imagine, say, you saying it, based on the information you've given. Same phrase, different meaning, and nothing to do with gender. Everything to do with individual context, cultural attitude and interests though.

 

[Trekker4747]

I'm not sure on the particulars of what was supposed to be "learned" from the class but the impression I got was that the "lesson" was supposed to be that men and women communicate differently and, seemingly, men talk more in "code" rather than just coming out and saying what they really want/mean.

If it was me and I didn't want to go I'd say just that, and if I had nothing to wear, or nothing to throw together I'd just say that. If it was something that was important to her I'd find something to wear, go, and do my best to hide my dissatisfaction.

 

[sojourner]

E. He's a metrosexual clothes horse who will soon divorce her to shackup with his "friends" in an urban style loft downtown.

 

[Kestra]

If my husband said he didn't have anything to wear, I'd take it to mean that any appropriate clothes for the occasion were elsewhere or in the laundry, etc. It would be his fault for ignoring me the five hundred times I had reminded him about the event during the week before. I would miraculously come up with some outfit I had had the foresight to dry clean and he would pledge his eternal love to me once again.

If I said I didn't have anything to wear, it would mean that either I did not own anything appropriate (if we're talking enough in advance) or that there was something wrong with the outfit I had planned to wear. I would cry about it for about ten minutes, put something else on, my husband would tell me that I looked beautiful and that would be the end of that.

 

[Holdfast]

I'm not sure on the particulars of what was supposed to be "learned" from the class but the impression I got was that the "lesson" was supposed to be that men and women communicate differently and, seemingly, men talk more in "code" rather than just coming out and saying what they really want/mean.

Everyone talks in code, regardless of gender. The trick to good communication isn't trying to stop that! It's about being sufficiently in sync with the other person that you either both speak a similar code, or have learned to automatically decode the other person and recode it to suit your mindset.

Almost nobody says what the mean in a raw, unfiltered way. Frankly, they'd be shunned by the other 99% of humanity if they did.

 

[RandyS]

You sound like my mom. Her closet rack broke in half once.

True story.

 

[auntiehill]

....what it means when a spouse tells the other they have "nothing to wear" for a last-minute party. According to this book when a woman says it she means it literally -that is she has nothing nice to wear/appropriate for the party. However when a man says it, according to his book, he's criticizing the woman for not doing her wifely duties in maintaining his laundry.

When I heard this I scoffed and wondered out loud if the book was written in 1956 because such an "idea" strikes me as very, very old school when a woman was expected to do everything she could to make the man's life easy and her failure to do domestic chores is harmful to the marriage.

My family, for the most part, thinks the man would mean it literally too. He has nothing appropriate to wear. At scoffed a bit at this idea too. Because they way I see it, baring an extreme situation, a man always has something to wear. Every man has dress pants, a dress shirt, dress shoes and a tie and possibly even a sport-jacket. A batch of clothing appropriate for any occasion save extreme formal situations where a tuxedo or something vastly more formal would be called for than a simple suit.

A woman, on the other hand, may "need" something to wear the "right dress", the "right shoes" the "right handbag", whatever, a man can usually always figure something out. So if a man says "I have nothing to wear" he's making an excuse to not go. He doesn't want to go. This got a good laugh out of my family and they sort of admitted, grudgingly, this is what it could mean but the consensus was that this couples-counseling group was wrong. So where do you think it is?

A man tells his spouse/girlfriend that he has nothing to wear for an upcoming social event. Presuming this isn't a situation that calls for heavy-formal attire but just "dress nice", business type affair what does it mean when the man tells her that he has nothing to wear? The event occurs too close to the time the question is asked to allow for the purchasing/cleaning of clothes.

A. He has nothing to wear that'd be appropriate for the occasion.
B. His clothes aren't clean so he has nothing clean to wear for the occasion due to his own fault -he's responsible for his/the laundry.
C. His clothes aren't clean and he's criticizing his wife/GF for not doing her laundry duties.
D. He doesn't want to go to the event and he's making excuses.
E. Other...

NOTE:

I did not make this poll to invite discussion for other interpretations in this situation. I'm only talking about it from the perspective a heterosexual couple and, admittedly, stereotypical dynamics. I didn't mention homosexuals couples/situations as I honestly don't know how they work in this manner and interaction, if you're in a homosexual relationship and have input into how this plays out with your SO, your input is naturally welcome.

My hubby calls me from work to inform me that he put on his last pair of clean socks that morning, so I'd better get to his laundry ASAP. When he says he has nothing to wear, he often means "do my laundry NOW."

On the other hand, hubby has also steadfastly refused to get a suit. He had a navy sport coat at one time, but managed to "lose" it. Don't know how. My elderly father has actually given him his old jackets and shoes (they're about the same size) just so they can take us some place nice, and hubby won't get thrown out. I think hubby now has one jacket, one tie and one pair of dress shoes---none of which actually go together. So, technically, there could be times when he does have anything appropriate to wear. Of course, I'm fairly certain hubby would be completely unaware of this, anyway.

When I say, "I have nothing to wear," it's indeed often the case that I have nothing that I feel is appropriate, nothing that makes me feel good about wearing it, or coordinates in what I feel is an appropriate fashion.

So, it could be "C" or "A." It would never be "D" because if he didn't want to go, he would simply announce we weren't going and that would be that. Of course, if he expects me to do his laundry, cook his dinner and clean the house every night, then he will not to pull that crap very often.

 

[Balrog]

A. Not likely - I have plenty of clothes from my work appropriate.
B. Yes. I do laundry as well as my wife. If it's not clean, it's my fault.
C. Not if I'd like to keep breathing.
D. See above.

 

[Itisnotlogical]

If I say I'm out of clothes, then it means my closet and dresser spontaneously combusted, incinerating all of my jeans and T-shirts. If I ever go to anything more formal than a party at a friend's, I'll have to buy clothes for the occasion.

 

[An Officer]

I personally would interpret "I have nothing to wear" as "I need more clothes". I believe if you have at least seven of everything, and do your laundry once a week, then you will never have this problem. You will only need to replace what is worn every once in a while. I would interpret the initial statement as "let's skip this shindig and go shopping".

I have occasionally taken on laundry duties a few times in my life and I've never had anyone criticise my work, in code or otherwise (I have never met a better launderer than myself ). I would not take such a statement as a criticism but a statement of fact. If it were a criticism, I would find it outrageous. The only appropriate reply would have to be: "Did you loose the use of your legs?"

In a loving relationship, it would be completely unnecessary to be so rude in the first statement, let alone the reply. I don't see regular exchanges like that facilitating a lasting relationship. What is wrong with: "Darling, have you seen my favourite outfit?" or "Oh, I forgot! I'll steam clean those right away". No fuss, no mess.

Old-fashioned relationships are so tedious. I guess they stop people from getting too confused and unsure of themselves - each individual knows their place, and they stick to it no matter what. None of that pesky flexibility business.

 

[mari]

When I say I have nothing to wear, lately it means I have nothing appropriate to the occasion (or season) that fits me properly. I just donated to charity a bunch of dressy clothes I'd worn once and are now a size or two too big. It's annoying and expensive. My immediate previous girlfriend would mean the same thing if she said it.

My mother is usually trying to get out of going (I learned my antisocialness from her) but could also mean she feels like she's gained weight and doesn't want to dress up. My father takes responsibility for his own dress clothes and he's good about making sure he always has something in reserve. At minimum, he's got a suit clean for church on Saturdays. I have never heard him claim he has nothing to wear. Then again, he likes going out.

 

[scotpens]

I don’t go to social occasions. When I say “I have nothing to wear,” it means I’m walking around naked.