I have no friends :(

[tomalak301]

Friends always show up and hang out when there are plans in place. What gets me, though, is when all my friends are out and about doing things with other people. I have a very solid group of friends, but I really only have that one group. My friends, however, seem to have several different groups of friends that they can hang out with at any given time. So if all my friends are off doing things, I really don't have any other option besides sitting at home alone.

I think I feel the same way. Is it being a good friend to actually introduce a friend to a group and increase the networking? I have a friend who has a lot of work friends and hangs out with them, but I'm never invited to anything of that. It's unfortunate too because he's the only real friend I know living in the area. My other friend lives way down in Southern California (Near Mexico) and I contact him by phone from time to time. I know people say get out and go to clubs, but isn't it a little awkward if you go to these clubs by yourself? Interesting that I don't mind going to movies by myself (Actually prefer it) but in terms of social gatherings, it's something I don't have an opportunity to do that much.

 

[Captain Shaw]

I get on with the people I work with but I don't socialize with anyone.
I don't mind most of the time but they keep asking me what I've been up to at the weekend and I've not been out since just before Christmas 2007 and I'm worried there going to try and get me to go out with them.

 

[JarodRussell]

I get on with the people I work with but I don't socialize with anyone.
I don't mind most of the time but they keep asking me what I've been up to at the weekend and I've not been out since just before Christmas 2007 and I'm worried there going to try and get me to go out with them.

What. A. Horrifying. Thought.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

I can't even remember the last time I had a night out with a friend/friends. Seriously, I can't.

Oh, same here.

And don't even ask how long it's been since I've had a date.

I've never had a date.

It's slowly starting to dawn on me: I really don't have any friends. Not in the true sense of the word, anyway.
I guess I'm just gonna have to live with it. Or make some drastic life changes, but honestly, that probably isn't too likely to happen.

I don't really see why you should change. It sounds to me like you define "friend" in a manner that (sadly) others don't (and a manner similiar to how I define it ). You expect more from the people you call friend than they do. I don't see that as problematic. It's just difficult for those of us who truly value friends as something more than "people I quite like who I see from time to time".

 

[FordSVT]

One thing people tend to learn as they get older, is that the number of people who you consider to be your true friends will get smaller.

When you're younger, it's all about your social life. You have a big group of friends you hang out with, and party with on the weekends, there is always someone around to hang out with. As you get older and start working, and have a family of your own, and everyone else you know gets a family of their own, or moves away, the social bonds you have begin to break up. It's only natural as your priorities shift.

Honestly, for me, if I get to hang out with a couple of guys once a month that's about all I ask for. I'm perfectly happy working, spending time with my wife and my family and tinkering around my house. The only people in my life I consider to be my friends as opposed to mere acquaintances are 3-4 people I've known since I was a kid. Those guys would do anything for me (and have), and I them.

 

[Saga]

also as you get older i think its harder to make friends. as a kid your basis for a friendship would be, 'you like Batman?! i like Batman too! lets be friends!'.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

See, I used to have other groups of friends that I could fall back on when my primary group of friends was occupied, but they've all gotten married or moved away or have kids, so I just don't see them...

That's what happens. Everybody get's all grown up!

All my old friends (bare in mind we're talking in our 40's now)are married with kids and barely have the time for their husbands (sex? You have to be joking), children (football, ballet, cricket, parties), volunteering at kids groups (?!), caring for parents ~ let alone old friends. Thank goodness for facebook or I'd think them all dead!

Heh, this pretty much describes me (including the 40s bit!). Most people I consider true friends don't live nearby, so Facebook is the easiest way for us to keep in touch.

At work (a children's centre) we've observed how quickly young children form friendships and we've discussed among ourselves how much harder it is for adults to find friends. What with children, jobs, and other responsibilities, when do we really have the time? I moved to where I am now 4 years ago and it's fair to say that I have no truly close friends here. I've socialised with a few colleagues but I doubt any of them would help me to move! I'm a bit of an introvert and a homebody, so this doesn't really bother me. I'm happy to spend most of my evenings with my kids and the internet, and my workplace is a lively, social place.

I work in a cafe/bar and get 'social interaction' there. But it means I'm reluctant to spend evenings down the pub as I've been there all day. And on Friday nights when Man goes out he meets up with fellow computer geeks ~ it's not the same as chatting about shoes!
My oldest friends live a way away and it's email or carefully timed phone calls (must hang up and re-dial after 59mins)

I find it strange (but comforting, if you know what I mean) that so many people here seem to have the same problems with friends as Hubby and I. We consider friends to be those we'd go(and have gone) out of our way for, at a moment's notice, if need be. And it reads like many here define "friend" similarly.

Too bad we don't all live near each other.

True. I think I expect too much from people. But I like having friends and cosy laughing evenings ~ eating, drinking, gossiping. I think we forget that in the whole scheme of things, we're not that important

Sorry to hear that, K'Ehleyr. If you had invited us instead, we would've shown up. Anyway, I hope they make it next time.

I did get a nice text from neighbour today saying thank you. But unfortunately I don't have the money for the plane tickets for you all or you would be welcome Anyway I have you here so thank you Drone

When's the last time you've been let down by friends or an evening has gone wrong?

Oh, this happens all the time. For example, one of my pastimes is performing in stage plays, and naturally, I invite people to come see them. Not one of my so-called friends showed up for my last few shows...

That's just mean, I would always support someone doing that. I've sat through opera recitals in churches to smile and clap. It was quite good actually!

One thing people tend to learn as they get older, is that the number of people who you consider to be your true friends will get smaller.

When you're younger, it's all about your social life. You have a big group of friends you hang out with, and party with on the weekends, there is always someone around to hang out with. As you get older and start working, and have a family of your own, and everyone else you know gets a family of their own, or moves away, the social bonds you have begin to break up. It's only natural as your priorities shift.

Honestly, for me, if I get to hang out with a couple of guys once a month that's about all I ask for. I'm perfectly happy working, spending time with my wife and my family and tinkering around my house. The only people in my life I consider to be my friends as opposed to mere acquaintances are 3-4 people I've known since I was a kid. Those guys would do anything for me (and have), and I them.

3-4 close friends is good! Apparently if you can count 5 close friends you are blessed. But you are so right saying they diminish as you get older.
Man (50) commented recently that Son (17) has more friends now, who he sees frequently, than Man has had in his whole lifetime.

also as you get older i think its harder to make friends. as a kid your basis for a friendship would be, 'you like Batman?! i like Batman too! lets be friends!'.

You like Star Trek? Me too!

 

[JRS]

I remember one Saturday evening few years ago.
Me and my gf planned a movie evening for some of our friends
We bought chips, candies, salted nuts..and few bottles of drinks. We vacuumed the appartment and wiped the dust from all over. Then we went outside and rented couple of DVDs, to watch in the evening.
My girlfriend still made several sadwitches, just about an hour the guests where supposed to arrive
Only one of the four arrived. She stayed here for about an half an hour, eated all our nuts, and then her boyfriend came to pick her up..they apparently went to some club.
Other guests could not arrive, for various reasons.
Our friends are very nice people, but we felt bit sad and slightly annoyed that no one really arrived, after all the trouble we have had of preparing it
We had sandwitches to eat at least for the next two days

 

[melancholymecha]

I get on with the people I work with but I don't socialize with anyone.
I don't mind most of the time but they keep asking me what I've been up to at the weekend and I've not been out since just before Christmas 2007 and I'm worried there going to try and get me to go out with them.

What. A. Horrifying. Thought.

nah Im the same way. I feel uncomfortable when someone asks me out to "hang" or go to a party, unless it involves some actual activity like a movie, show, festival, con, anything but just standing around talking to people & mingling. Im not good at that. Id rather be doing stuff on my own.

the thing is I feel a bit embarrassed when I pass at being invited somewhere, especially if the person who asked is nice. I worry they might see me a being mean or weird.

 

[Captain Shaw]

I get on with the people I work with but I don't socialize with anyone.
I don't mind most of the time but they keep asking me what I've been up to at the weekend and I've not been out since just before Christmas 2007 and I'm worried there going to try and get me to go out with them.

What. A. Horrifying. Thought.

nah Im the same way. I feel uncomfortable when someone asks me out to "hang" or go to a party, unless it involves some actual activity like a movie, show, festival, con, anything but just standing around talking to people & mingling. Im not good at that. Id rather be doing stuff on my own.

the thing is I feel a bit embarrassed when I pass at being invited somewhere, especially if the person who asked is nice. I worry they might see me a being mean or weird.

I'm the same at some places I've work even though I politely refuse people can start get bitchy, One job I had I had to leave because of peoples attitude.

 

[AMQ]

nah Im the same way. I feel uncomfortable when someone asks me out to "hang" or go to a party, unless it involves some actual activity like a movie, show, festival, con, anything but just standing around talking to people & mingling. Im not good at that. Id rather be doing stuff on my own.

the thing is I feel a bit embarrassed when I pass at being invited somewhere, especially if the person who asked is nice. I worry they might see me a being mean or weird.

Same things happen to me. If it's a movie night and few of us that usually hang out meet at someone's place I'll probably go. But when someone asks me out, if it's just to hang out and I don't know or like people that will be there or if someone invites me to party I probably won't go. I think it too much - who will be there, what should I wear, what if I have nothing to talk about, it will be awkward etc. I know it's stupid and a few times when I did go out it was really good and I mostly enjoyed it.
But as I haven't gone in a while it's getting harder to decide to do it again. And after some time people simply won't ask again. I am afraid I'll regret it one day
And about people being mean - I had that experience once and I guess part of my problem is probably that, too.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

I remember one Saturday evening few years ago.
Me and my gf planned a movie evening for some of our friends
We bought chips, candies, salted nuts..and few bottles of drinks. We vacuumed the appartment and wiped the dust from all over. Then we went outside and rented couple of DVDs, to watch in the evening.
My girlfriend still made several sadwitches, just about an hour the guests where supposed to arrive
Only one of the four arrived. She stayed here for about an half an hour, eated all our nuts, and then her boyfriend came to pick her up..they apparently went to some club.
Other guests could not arrive, for various reasons.
Our friends are very nice people, but we felt bit sad and slightly annoyed that no one really arrived, after all the trouble we have had of preparing it
We had sandwitches to eat at least for the next two days

Oh JRS I know exactly how you felt ~ well, apart from I didn't dust, or hoover, but I did arrange the toilet rolls in a nice pyramid style!
It's probably worse when someone turns up and leaves really early, especially when you went to so much effort!
At least you had the sandwiches as I have the cheese and the rest of the wine ~ not much left though

Anyway, on the good side ~ Man came round tonight and we played 'Odin's Ravens' (A very complicated card game that is on gamegeek.com) and finished the wine and cheese, but he beat me on the last hand! Way to make me happy! So no mushrooms for him tomorrow with brunch

You all do understand that this is very tongue in cheek annoyance. I do understand that people get sick and probably afraid of socialising. But there is nothing to excuse bad manners.

And I do feel for all of you that feel alone, but at least you have us on TBBS and we'll never leave you

OK. A short story... Son hurt his foot yesterday by practising 'no hand cartwheels'. He texts me at work and says he can't walk and therefore cannot go to his work ~ being a 'food runner' I suppose running would be a requirement.
I told him he had to ring in and explain, which he did. I got home with the freeze spray and inspected said injury and must admit it looked angry and very painful!
Mother's sympathy flowed out of me, pizza in bed for sake ~ until his mate came round with a bag of booze and they got dressed to go out.
Needless to say he will be working tomorrow!
Bloody Children!

 

[RoJoHen]

See, I used to have other groups of friends that I could fall back on when my primary group of friends was occupied, but they've all gotten married or moved away or have kids, so I just don't see them...

That's what happens. Everybody get's all grown up!

And that's fine. It would just be nice if it also happened to me. Sometimes I feel like I'm being left behind.

 

[Jenee]

Every time I make plans, every time the phone rings that day, I assume it's the friend calling to cancel.

It does't happen often, but on occasion, it does.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

See, I used to have other groups of friends that I could fall back on when my primary group of friends was occupied, but they've all gotten married or moved away or have kids, so I just don't see them...

That's what happens. Everybody get's all grown up!

And that's fine. It would just be nice if it also happened to me. Sometimes I feel like I'm being left behind.

Oh RoJo, you'll get there... and end up gardending on your day off, not knowing what you're doing at all but because you've fallen out with all you live with you have to pretend to have a plan Being single and childless has it's bonuses! Now must google how to split iris bulbs ~ after a glass of wine Oh how I wish I was down the pub!

Every time I make plans, every time the phone rings that day, I assume it's the friend calling to cancel.

It does't happen often, but on occasion, it does.

At least they call
How you doing Jenee?

 

[Brent]

I have no friends where I live right now, none, zero, zilch, technically one family member, but it doesn't feel that way, we never communicate, so basically, I am alone where I am right now. It sucks.

 

[Marie1]

S'all good...
I use the term "friend" verrrry loosely.

I had a "friend" who, when I invited a group, including her, to go out to a movie, she'd call everyone up and invite them to a different movie just to be a.......

 

[melancholymecha]

And about people being mean - I had that experience once and I guess part of my problem is probably that, too.

I'm the same at some places I've work even though I politely refuse people can start get bitchy, One job I had I had to leave because of peoples attitude.

yep that's something Im worried about if I go back to work. It shouldnt be a big deal. One shouldnt be worrying about this type of stuff at work, its not middle or high school anymore. But our society has everyone conditioned to be suspicious of the "loner". Its always about being a "team player".

 

[Tom Hendricks]

I'm pretty much friendless now. I've gotten married, moved from New Jersey to Long Island, and have an infant and a toddler. We do somethings with a few couples that are friends of my wife. However I have no friends of my own and I really miss that. I'm not very outgoing and abit shy, so I don't meet new people all that often.

 

[FalTorPan]

I'm pretty much friendless now. I've gotten married, moved from New Jersey to Long Island, and have an infant and a toddler. We do somethings with a few couples that are friends of my wife. However I have no friends of my own and I really miss that. I'm not very outgoing and abit shy, so I don't meet new people all that often.

Thanks for the ADR tips, friend!