'I Caught Myself Looking'

[Mr Awe]

I tend to look at almost everyone, all of the time. It's never just an appearance thing, either. I'll run many lines of thought on every person I see. Sometimes there are lines that do run toward attraction, but they're usually not at the forefront of anything. There's no judgment involved, though. At best it's speculation based on curiosity. I just want to know people, I want to get to know them.

This is me, too! I like to watch people in general, especially how they interact. But, if there's a pretty women, I certainly don't mind, respectfully of course!

and when he wasn't looking i 'caught myself looking' but not at his face but at his crotch.

I find that men and women check each other out differently. I'm sure there are exceptions, but men's eyes tend to stop at "strategic points" and take longer generally.

On the other hand, women tend to do it much more quickly and fluidly, not really stopping at certain points, maybe excepting the eyes. Often they start with the head and take a quick scan down the body, including the crotch but not really stopping there. It's quick and easy to miss!

That said, there are exceptions. I like to flirt and flirt with this one much younger women who is gorgeous. We're both married so nothing is going to happen, we just like each other's company. Anyway, recently she did the quick scan down routine but she stopped noticeably at the crotch.

It was obvious enough that it startled me a bit. Honestly, I thought maybe I spilled something there but, after checking in the mirror, found nothing.

Mr Awe

 

[Gryffindorian]

I will occasionally look when I pass a cute guy on the street, but I almost immediately chastise myself for it. Like PopBoy, I have self-esteem issues, so the conversation with myself will go something like this: "Ooh, he's cute -- no, stop looking. He'd never be interested in you. Why bother?"


What got to me about both of these was this -- why, if they were interested, didn't they just say "hello"? So I figure they weren't so much interested, as being creepy. (There's that low self-esteem thing again, I guess.)

They might be suffering from the same self-esteem issues.

"She's attractive, She'd never be interested in me, Why bother?"

Men can suffer from low self-esteem/self-confidence etc.. and remember whilst it shouldn't be the case more often or not they are expected to make the first move, the first to express an interest.

And of course on the occasion that you do manage to overcome those issues and say hello, express an interest and get rejected it makes you more weary next time of doing it. It can become a visicous a cricle.

And yes it's easy to say, nothing ventured, nothing gained; you've got nothing to lose by trying etc..

I think you've got hold of the wrong end of the stick there (if I may use that idiom in this context). I'm well aware that some men have low self-esteem... I am one. (Don't worry, I'm not offended... just amused.)

I actually had an experience a few years ago, on Pride weekend, where a straight guy from Calgary who happened to be in the bar with friends took it upon himself to try to get me over my shyness by teaching me how to pick up a guy. As I recall, the main point to his lesson was this: if they say "no," what's the worst that will happen - what are the odds I'll ever see the guy again?

It worked for a while, but I've kind of lost the knack. It doesn't help that I just turned 45, and most of the guys around my age are either happily coupled or have given up.

Mind you, that only works in a bar environment, where the chances of more than a one-night-stand are low. And while I've enjoyed a few of those in my life, it's not really what I'm looking for.

I can think of a couple of guys I've known over the years whom I kind of regret not having expressed interest. Of course, they're both in happy relationships now...

i work for a music management company that look after a-lists to z-lists. its mundane actually. Today i had a 50 minute fone call from an x factor entrant calling (and moaning) as to why management hadnt called her. maybe because shes bonkers. Anyway.
a very famous singer from a boyband came into the offices today. straight. i had to do some data entry (thats my job basically - the agency is glamourous. my job is not). and when he wasn't looking i 'caught myself looking' but not at his face but at his crotch.

HIS CROTCH!

He then saw this and walked away. He then said something to his friends and yes they laughed at me.

This is why i do not do public well.

If I may ask ... Who was it? Which boy band? I'd probably get conscious, too, if someone was checking out my crotch. But sometimes you just do things unconsciously.

I was going to ask, was it Niall, Liam, Harry, Zayn or Louis? (Not that I'd blame you. And if it was one of them, they do kind of play up the ambiguity on stage...)

I thought of One Direction, too. My second obvious guess would be The Wanted.

Hey. Pop Boy, if it's the latter, aren't you glad they came?

 

[Satyrquaze]

^You might want to fix your use of quotations there.

Anyway, 1)The fact that you can't tell whether or not these ladies are hookers likely says a lot more about you than it does about them. 2) If they are not soliciting you, then a)they are not hookers or b) they are very tired hookers who are on their way home, hence being on the bus at 11:30 in the morning. If they are a)not hookers, then why do you think you are even on their radar? And what evidence do you have, aside from a own self-centered and somewhat sexist viewpoint that how they are dressed says anything more about them than how they like to dress? Mind you, I am not saying that no woman ever dresses for attention, but rather I'm trying to make the point that by automatically assuming every woman who crosses your line of taste is "blatantly shallow, vapid, and starving for attention," is arrogant, sexist, and ignorant, and that making a point to ignore them is silly and, well, pointless.

Thank you, I don't usually make that mistake with quotations.

I wasn't actually assuming hookers, I was thinking more like strippers at the most. And they rarely didn't seem very tired. Looking back, I rarely noted that they got on or off the bus at stops near the Gentleman Clubs in that area.

But, You could be correct, I hadn't actually considered how negatively it reflected on me. To be perfectly honest my post was intended to reflect that I generally prefer a 'natural look'. I have zero issue with the 'smoky eyes look' that Kestra and you were describing several pages back and it wasn't what I was describing.

I think initially we were comparing apples and oranges.

I however decided to add an anecdote of an extreme case of something I see occasionally. I didn't consider how arrogant, sexist, and ignorant it came off.

My apologies.

 

[thestrangequark]

^Wow, that was an awesome, thoughtful response. Usually when I point this kind of thinking out to men (and women, because women can be and are sometimes guilty of it too), they just get super defensive. In fact, recently my sister posted one of those Facebook memes that read something along the lines of: "Dear girls, Dressing immodestly is like wrapping yourself in bacon, you'll attract attention, but only from pigs. Signed, Real Men"
It took a long talk to show her the subtle and and nasty sexism in that supposedly comical little note.

Whether or not you would have ultimately agreed, I really appreciate that you actually thought about it and reconsidered what you said. That's really cool, and it's just a plus that you got what I was saying!

 

[Robert Maxwell]

^Wow, that was an awesome, thoughtful response. Usually when I point this kind of thinking out to men (and women, because women can be and are sometimes guilty of it too), they just get super defensive. In fact, recently my sister posted one of those Facebook memes that read something along the lines of: "Dear girls, Dressing immodestly is like wrapping yourself in bacon, you'll attract attention, but only from pigs. Signed, Real Men"
It took a long talk to show her the subtle and and nasty sexism in that supposedly comical little note.

Whether or not you would have ultimately agreed, I really appreciate that you actually thought about it and reconsidered what you said. That's really cool, and it's just a plus that you got what I was saying!

Yeah, I was surprised to see Satyrquaze show contrition here. Surprised, but glad.

I also saw that Facebook meme posted by one of my friends and I had some not-very-pleasant things to say about it.

 

[Satyrquaze]

^Wow, that was an awesome, thoughtful response. Usually when I point this kind of thinking out to men (and women, because women can be and are sometimes guilty of it too), they just get super defensive. In fact, recently my sister posted one of those Facebook memes that read something along the lines of: "Dear girls, Dressing immodestly is like wrapping yourself in bacon, you'll attract attention, but only from pigs. Signed, Real Men"
It took a long talk to show her the subtle and and nasty sexism in that supposedly comical little note.

Whether or not you would have ultimately agreed, I really appreciate that you actually thought about it and reconsidered what you said. That's really cool, and it's just a plus that you got what I was saying!

I have to admit I was angry yesterday that you were jumping on me over what I thought was nothing. I had mentally prepared a post that would be pretty defiant as I focused on some plausable deniabilty that I wasn't being incredibly sexist.

But I got in this morning, read your reply and realized I had no real recourse. I don't like being called sexist, arrogant, and ignorant. But, I like even less realizing that I have been guilty of all three.

 

[thestrangequark]

^I think we all have been guilty of those three things, whether we recognize it or not. I hated to come off harsh, and later worried that I hadn't made it clear enough that I was attacking a way of thinking, and not meaning to attack you personally -- because a lot of awesome people fall into this particular trap, male and female. I think it is rare, and cool, for anyone to actually really reconsider something like this, and it's awesome that you did so.
Nevertheless, I think I've been coming of strong, lately, I think I'll take a cue from you and start sleeping on posts before responding to them.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Maybe we've all been a bit amped up lately. I know I have been trying to dial it back a bit.

 

[thestrangequark]

^There's been a lot going on around here, I think people, myself included, have been both quick to attack and quick to see attack where there is none.

Yeah, I was surprised to see Satyrquaze show contrition here. Surprised, but glad.

I also saw that Facebook meme posted by one of my friends and I had some not-very-pleasant things to say about it.

Yeah, I found that one particularly nasty because of its insidious nature.

 

[Satyrquaze]

^I think we all have been guilty of those three things, whether we recognize it or not. I hated to come off harsh, and later worried that I hadn't made it clear enough that I was attacking a way of thinking, and not meaning to attack you personally -- because a lot of awesome people fall into this particular trap, male and female. I think it is rare, and cool, for anyone to actually really reconsider something like this, and it's awesome that you did so.
Nevertheless, I think I've been coming of strong, lately, I think I'll take a cue from you and start sleeping on posts before responding to them.

I have to admit that my opinion of you jumping on me was colored by the fact that you called me a dumbass in TNZ after a posted a politically motivated image in some thread a while back. I think it might have been our first interaction. But, 'dumbass' nearly passes as a polite greeting over there and I'm not saying I didn't deserve it.

I think I'll take a cue from you and put a little more forethought into my actions.

 

[thestrangequark]

Is this some sort of weird, Alternate Universe internet where everyone is a mature and thoughtful adult who owns up to their mistakes and strives for mutual understanding? WTF?

 

[Robert Maxwell]

^There's been a lot going on around here, I think people, myself included, have been both quick to attack and quick to see attack where there is none.

Yeah, I was surprised to see Satyrquaze show contrition here. Surprised, but glad.

I also saw that Facebook meme posted by one of my friends and I had some not-very-pleasant things to say about it.

Yeah, I found that one particularly nasty because of its insidious nature.

Yes, I hope by this point I have apologized to everyone to whom I owe an apology here. If not: I'm sorry!

 

[Satyrquaze]

Is this some sort of weird, Alternate Universe internet where everyone is a mature and thoughtful adult who owns up to their mistakes and strives for mutual understanding? WTF?

*That* must be why I'm sporting a goatee... either that or I'm made up of anti-matter.

Oh, shi--

 

[Lumi]

I notice people, but I don't check them out. I'm really not attracted to anything physical. I will notice if someone has a nice smile or nice hair, but no physical feature will make me feel any sort of attraction without some sort of emotional connection. So yeah, I don't really check people out the way others do.

The other day I was running around the high school track and there was a man walking and just staring at me for an entire lap. Felt very uncomfortable. Do not like people staring like that. Don't know if he was checking me out, but staring is always creepy.

Really don't like when people check me out or hit on me. I just walk away not knowing what to say.

 

[DS9Continuing]

I check people out constantly. All the time. And I have no shame whatsoever about that. Only men of course - being a confirmed homosexualist, women may as well be invisible to me in anything other than a professional or friendship capacity.

In fact it's one of the great things about being gay - my husband and I both fancy the same kind of people. We navigate the world by looking at the cute guys and comparing notes. I can occasionally be a little too forward about it, but in general straight men don't even realise when they're being checked out by another man because it wouldn't occur to them. And if they do - well, women have put up with ogling eyes for generations. Let men be on the receiving end for once.

(*giggle - receiving end. *giggle*)

.

 

[Gryffindorian]

While a lot of straight men don't notice it when they're being checked out by a gay/bi guy, many straight guys, I've noticed, are aware that they're being checked out by women, and the more confident ones act upon it. Some people who are very attractive just know how to flaunt it.

Cue song "Sexy and I Know it"