'I Caught Myself Looking'

[JoeZhang]

It never ceases to amaze me how scruffy a lot of people are - you go out and it a sea of badly fitting jeans, shorts and cheap t-shirts that make the person look like they have been sleeping in a ditch, when you are as average looking as me it's a big help because being well-dressed means that you instantly stand out.

The place where I get the most attention is in my red-neck hometown because as a guy with a decent job, no kids, no ex-wife and a waist that makes me a good prospect for someone who wants to escape.

 

[mimic]

I've been informed a few times by my friend that some guy or other was checking me out at the rock gym. I have never noticed it, personally, and think she probably was imagining things. Quite possibly she was just trying to get me to talk to them. Didn't work.

What is awkward is when my students check me out. At least two of them made borderline comments on a regular basis, not just the innocent "you look nice today, Miss Clark!" which I can handle.

The janitor my first year would come in to the room and stare during my planning period, until I told him it made me REALLY uncomfortable. I still feel weird walking past him and try to avoid it, if possible.

As for me, I don't tend to go for people until I know them a bit. There has been the occasional gorgeous guy, yes, at whom I have stared, but that's atypical.

 

[Ethros]

I just like my women to look as natural as possible.

So.... naked then?

 

[PopBoy]

I will occasionally look when I pass a cute guy on the street, but I almost immediately chastise myself for it. Like PopBoy, I have self-esteem issues, so the conversation with myself will go something like this: "Ooh, he's cute -- no, stop looking. He'd never be interested in you. Why bother?"

OMG OMG OMG this is so me. I know exactly where i got it from - oddly enough its from my brother (therapists, have a field day why dont you...).

We went to the same school - and damn it, i hate to say it..i did not enjoy being in his shadow. He's what americans would call a jock. He excelled in everything. And i think a lot of the boys (i went to a same sex school) all kinda looked up to him and maybe one or two fancied him. He loved the attention. As he is a bell-end. When we both got older and we'd go to the same clubs (he was gay too)...though he's not out..he'd get all the attention. So i wouldnt bother. I know exactly why i keep my head down. And it stems from my brother.

 

[Warp Coil]

I was out at a bar with a platonic female friend last night, and for a while she kept commenting that she noticed guys checking her out... then they'd look at me and then look away (they were under the assumption that we were a couple). Of course, I was oblivious to this since I wasn't paying any attention to what the other guys were doing. But I wasn't really checking the girls out so I have no idea if any of them were eying me (if they were, they'd probably see my friend, assume were were a couple, and that'd be the end of it). Overall, I am pretty oblivious when it comes to other people which is odd because I'm usually a very observant person. I walk down the street and I'm in my own little world. I could walk past someone I know and not even realize it because I'm not paying much attention to others (I peripherally acknowledge that other human beings are around but that's usually as far as it goes). Every once in a while I'll pay more attention. Even if I notice an attractive person within my field of vision, I usually only give a cursory look and then move on.

 

[Mr Awe]

I don't care who the women are dressing for, be it men, other women, or themselves. There are just certain things that I think look stupid and I don't understand why they would want to ever appear that way in public.

I just think my biggest issue is that women always end up dressing THE SAME. Again, maybe this is just something I notice more because I'm a bartender and I see groups of girls all the time. They're all dressed more or less the same, and they all come up to the bar and order "something fruity" because apparently none of them actually know how to order anything specific.

And just how different are you?

The difference is: when I go out with my guys friends, none of us give a shit what we wear. We throw on jeans or shorts or t-shirts or whatever. We don't spend an hour "getting ready" only to look exactly the same as all of our friends.

When I see a group of girls out at the bar, they are all wearing skinny jeans, black sparkly shirts, high heels, and they have their hair done is such a fashion that it no longer moves.

I get what you're saying. I'm not known for my style either. But, they're going out to have fun and if that's fun for them, that's all the "justification" that they need!

Mr Awe

 

[Satyrquaze]

Are you really that self-absorbed? I sincerely doubt any of the women you "make a point to ignore" ever notice you doing so, and I doubt even more that they'd care. Did it ever cross your mind that these ladies might not be dressing up for you? That they might be doing it for themselves?

I seriously doubt it makes any differece to those women one way one way or the other. I'd wager that even fewer notice. The difference it makes to me is what's important. I'm simply not going to deign to pay openly pay attention to someone wearing the uniform of someone that blatantly shallow, vapid, and starving for attention. I'm sure many opf them are simply doing it for themselves, but I think there might be a large difference in the type of women (and the way they are dressed) we're thinking of for you to have reacted as strongly as you did to my post.

It's probably my fault for having to ride the bus as often as I do through what amounts to my city's red light district. My apologies if I don't find what I see there to be terribly attractive.

 

[MacLeod]

I will occasionally look when I pass a cute guy on the street, but I almost immediately chastise myself for it. Like PopBoy, I have self-esteem issues, so the conversation with myself will go something like this: "Ooh, he's cute -- no, stop looking. He'd never be interested in you. Why bother?"


What got to me about both of these was this -- why, if they were interested, didn't they just say "hello"? So I figure they weren't so much interested, as being creepy. (There's that low self-esteem thing again, I guess.)

They might be suffering from the same self-esteem issues.

"She's attractive, She'd never be interested in me, Why bother?"

Men can suffer from low self-esteem/self-confidence etc.. and remember whilst it shouldn't be the case more often or not they are expected to make the first move, the first to express an interest.

And of course on the occasion that you do manage to overcome those issues and say hello, express an interest and get rejected it makes you more weary next time of doing it. It can become a visicous a cricle.

And yes it's easy to say, nothing ventured, nothing gained; you've got nothing to lose by trying etc..

 

[Rhaven]

If anyone is looking, IDK. I'm oblivious to it. As for me looking, I guess I'm not ready. My family even tries to fix me up at times.

 

[scotpens]

I seem to be invisible, or oblivious . . . invblivious.

Same here.

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBFVzQ_sXxU[/yt]

 

[RoJoHen]

The other night at work I overheard several of my bar guests arguing about my beard. It was odd.

 

[thestrangequark]

Are you really that self-absorbed? I sincerely doubt any of the women you "make a point to ignore" ever notice you doing so, and I doubt even more that they'd care. Did it ever cross your mind that these ladies might not be dressing up for you? That they might be doing it for themselves?

I seriously doubt it makes any differece to those women one way one way or the other. I'd wager that even fewer notice. The difference it makes to me is what's important. I'm simply not going to deign to pay openly pay attention to someone wearing the uniform of someone that blatantly shallow, vapid, and starving for attention. I'm sure many opf them are simply doing it for themselves, but I think there might be a large difference in the type of women (and the way they are dressed) we're thinking of for you to have reacted as strongly as you did to my post.

It's probably my fault for having to ride the bus as often as I do through what amounts to my city's red light district. My apologies if I don't find what I see there to be terribly attractive.

Wait, are you talking about hookers or not? Because you seem to be confused.

 

[RoJoHen]

We were talking about hookers? I had no idea!

 

[Satyrquaze]

Wait, are you talking about hookers or not? Because you seem to be confused.

You're absolutely right, I don't know. I've never propositioned any of them. I assume they're just women who dress like hookers. That, or they're strippers.

As I said one of the main examples takes place at 11:30 am in the middle of the week. So in regards to what she does for work...

 

[thestrangequark]

^You might want to fix your use of quotations there.

Anyway, 1)The fact that you can't tell whether or not these ladies are hookers likely says a lot more about you than it does about them. 2) If they are not soliciting you, then a)they are not hookers or b) they are very tired hookers who are on their way home, hence being on the bus at 11:30 in the morning. If they are a)not hookers, then why do you think you are even on their radar? And what evidence do you have, aside from a own self-centered and somewhat sexist viewpoint that how they are dressed says anything more about them than how they like to dress? Mind you, I am not saying that no woman ever dresses for attention, but rather I'm trying to make the point that by automatically assuming every woman who crosses your line of taste is "blatantly shallow, vapid, and starving for attention," is arrogant, sexist, and ignorant, and that making a point to ignore them is silly and, well, pointless.

 

[RoJoHen]

Maybe the hookers are playing hard to get.

 

[PopBoy]

i work for a music management company that look after a-lists to z-lists. its mundane actually. Today i had a 50 minute fone call from an x factor entrant calling (and moaning) as to why management hadnt called her. maybe because shes bonkers. Anyway.
a very famous singer from a boyband came into the offices today. straight. i had to do some data entry (thats my job basically - the agency is glamourous. my job is not). and when he wasn't looking i 'caught myself looking' but not at his face but at his crotch.

HIS CROTCH!

He then saw this and walked away. He then said something to his friends and yes they laughed at me.

This is why i do not do public well.

 

[Amaris]

I tend to look at almost everyone, all of the time. It's never just an appearance thing, either. I'll run many lines of thought on every person I see. Sometimes there are lines that do run toward attraction, but they're usually not at the forefront of anything. There's no judgment involved, though. At best it's speculation based on curiosity. I just want to know people, I want to get to know them.

 

[Gryffindorian]

i work for a music management company that look after a-lists to z-lists. its mundane actually. Today i had a 50 minute fone call from an x factor entrant calling (and moaning) as to why management hadnt called her. maybe because shes bonkers. Anyway.
a very famous singer from a boyband came into the offices today. straight. i had to do some data entry (thats my job basically - the agency is glamourous. my job is not). and when he wasn't looking i 'caught myself looking' but not at his face but at his crotch.

HIS CROTCH!

He then saw this and walked away. He then said something to his friends and yes they laughed at me.

This is why i do not do public well.

If I may ask ... Who was it? Which boy band? I'd probably get conscious, too, if someone was checking out my crotch. But sometimes you just do things unconsciously.

Here's another example. I've noticed that from time to time, I've looked at a woman's chest when I'm having a conversation with her. Now I'm not a voyeuristic kind of guy and don't stare at women's boobs on purpose (though I can appreciate them), but I think I may have done it unintentionally.

A guy could get into a lot of trouble doing that, especially in a workplace environment. This is really embarrassing for me because I feel like I've given them the wrong impression that I'm some kind of a weirdo looker. I usually maintain eye contact with everyone I talk to, but there are times when my eyes have strayed inadvertently.

 

[TorontoTrekker]

I will occasionally look when I pass a cute guy on the street, but I almost immediately chastise myself for it. Like PopBoy, I have self-esteem issues, so the conversation with myself will go something like this: "Ooh, he's cute -- no, stop looking. He'd never be interested in you. Why bother?"


What got to me about both of these was this -- why, if they were interested, didn't they just say "hello"? So I figure they weren't so much interested, as being creepy. (There's that low self-esteem thing again, I guess.)

They might be suffering from the same self-esteem issues.

"She's attractive, She'd never be interested in me, Why bother?"

Men can suffer from low self-esteem/self-confidence etc.. and remember whilst it shouldn't be the case more often or not they are expected to make the first move, the first to express an interest.

And of course on the occasion that you do manage to overcome those issues and say hello, express an interest and get rejected it makes you more weary next time of doing it. It can become a visicous a cricle.

And yes it's easy to say, nothing ventured, nothing gained; you've got nothing to lose by trying etc..

I think you've got hold of the wrong end of the stick there (if I may use that idiom in this context). I'm well aware that some men have low self-esteem... I am one. (Don't worry, I'm not offended... just amused.)

I actually had an experience a few years ago, on Pride weekend, where a straight guy from Calgary who happened to be in the bar with friends took it upon himself to try to get me over my shyness by teaching me how to pick up a guy. As I recall, the main point to his lesson was this: if they say "no," what's the worst that will happen - what are the odds I'll ever see the guy again?

It worked for a while, but I've kind of lost the knack. It doesn't help that I just turned 45, and most of the guys around my age are either happily coupled or have given up.

Mind you, that only works in a bar environment, where the chances of more than a one-night-stand are low. And while I've enjoyed a few of those in my life, it's not really what I'm looking for.

I can think of a couple of guys I've known over the years whom I kind of regret not having expressed interest. Of course, they're both in happy relationships now...

i work for a music management company that look after a-lists to z-lists. its mundane actually. Today i had a 50 minute fone call from an x factor entrant calling (and moaning) as to why management hadnt called her. maybe because shes bonkers. Anyway.
a very famous singer from a boyband came into the offices today. straight. i had to do some data entry (thats my job basically - the agency is glamourous. my job is not). and when he wasn't looking i 'caught myself looking' but not at his face but at his crotch.

HIS CROTCH!

He then saw this and walked away. He then said something to his friends and yes they laughed at me.

This is why i do not do public well.

If I may ask ... Who was it? Which boy band? I'd probably get conscious, too, if someone was checking out my crotch. But sometimes you just do things unconsciously.

I was going to ask, was it Niall, Liam, Harry, Zayn or Louis? (Not that I'd blame you. And if it was one of them, they do kind of play up the ambiguity on stage...)