I am almost at breaking point

[CaptainStoner]

I have told him several times I am not interested. I have even snapped at him when he told me about it for the umpteenth time but he won't stop.

It sounds to me (limited experience here, working in group home with similar disabilities for 7 years now) like you're not getting his attention, and maybe not being firm enough. With my guys I find it's hard to get them to listen. One is very skittish and will always tend to walk away from you if you try to talk to him. But even the deaf one I can get through to on most things.
I don't agree with those who are saying ignore it. What good does that do him? What does that teach him? For some things ignoring works - behavioral things - but this IMO is just finding a way to get his attention, explaining it simply, repeating the explanation a few times, getting a response from him that he understands, and then just nipping it in the bud and being very firm and consistent.
I find these guys are (usually) plenty reasonable when they get the information. You can even explain about the alone time in the morning if you can get him listening. Then you can throw down some praise when he gets it right. Hope this helps.

 

[Miss Chicken]

Hm...if he's been up all night, maybe that's the problem right there. Regulating internet/computer time might not be a bad idea. Computer use outside of allowed hours is not something you have to permit.

He is an adult. Even if he is disabled I have to treat him as an adult. I have no more right to dictate his computer hours than he has to dictate mine.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

If he is staying up playing games all night he will soon be conveniently sleeping all day and you will have plenty of "me" time.

 

[Mr Awe]

Hm...if he's been up all night, maybe that's the problem right there. Regulating internet/computer time might not be a bad idea. Computer use outside of allowed hours is not something you have to permit.

He is an adult. Even if he is disabled I have to treat him as an adult. I have no more right to dictate his computer hours than he has to dictate mine.

I disagree. He is living in your house. You get to set the rules. And, by what you've said, he is more like a child any way.

Mr Awe

 

[DeafPoet]

Start telling him about everything that happens here. Shit, I post here and that would make me go catatonic for a week.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Hm...if he's been up all night, maybe that's the problem right there. Regulating internet/computer time might not be a bad idea. Computer use outside of allowed hours is not something you have to permit.

He is an adult. Even if he is disabled I have to treat him as an adult. I have no more right to dictate his computer hours than he has to dictate mine.

That said, when I lived in my parents' house, even after I turned 18, I was held to certain rules. Not anywhere near as many rules as when I was younger than that, but if I made too much noise at night, I definitely heard about that. It was simple--I was an adult, but I did not pay all of my own bills so I still owed them courtesy. I didn't pay rent, but in essence I was the tenant and had to be respectful of the rules laid down by the landlord.

I think it's different if someone is ruled incapable of living on their own, legally--however, even if you do look at it as a fully "equal" relationship, you're still looking at a landlord-tenant relationship and you as landlord can set terms of the "lease."

 

[tauntme]

Filicide is all the rage nowadays.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I disagree. He is living in your house. You get to set the rules. And, by what you've said, he is more like a child any way.

No, I said in many ways he is an adult but in other ways he is like a child.

That said, when I lived in my parents' house, even after I turned 18, I was held to certain rules. Not anywhere near as many rules as when I was younger than that, but if I made too much noise at night, I definitely heard about that. It was simple--I was an adult, but I did not pay all of my own bills so I still owed them courtesy. I didn't pay rent, but in essence I was the tenant and had to be respectful of the rules laid down by the landlord.

I am sure that if your parents wouldn't set a bed-time for you if you were 30 years old and living at home.

I do not have any complaints about my son keeping me awake at night.

The rules I set for him are the same as I set for his brother when his brother lives with us. Keep you room clean, help with the housework, let me know what time to expect you home.

My middle son needs more help from me because of his intellectual disability, what he doesn't need is being treated like a child. We don't treat someone who is blind, or someone in a wheelchair like a child just because they might need extra help at times.

From what others have said here, some people are having the same trouble with husbands, so his blathering might be totally independent from his disabilities.

Filicide is all the rage nowadays.

There are times when I have been tempted with all three of my sons, but I guess all three of them might have thought of matricide at least once.

 

[Shaw]

Well, this most likely isn't going to be helpful, but maybe you could take a step back and look at it from a different perspective. That is, he has found something that has engaged him and he really wants to share it with the most important person in his life.

In a way it is sort of sweet... even if it is still annoying.

 

[judge alba]

maybe play the game he dose and get better then him at it? worked for me when i was playing gta 4 the other half decieded enough was enough when i was talking about the game and practiced on the game then beat me on it

 

[trekkiedane]

Give him counter-productive advice on everything he says (about the game) -eventually he'll know better than to involve you

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

The main reason he is blathering about the game is for you to share in his triumphs. He's not looking for advice I'm sure. I have had to listen to much, much blathering about triumphs in games.

The best solution is to play it yourself, that way you have something that you share and the blathering is not as brain numbing.

 

[RJDiogenes]

I would definitely tell him about everything that happens on TrekBBS. That will send him back to his room in a jiffy.

 

[Pingfah]

I get some sort of FB request from a friend to join some ridiculous game every day. I can probably switch such requests off, I should look into that.

 

[Sephiroth]

would crating work?

 

[Mr Awe]

I disagree. He is living in your house. You get to set the rules. And, by what you've said, he is more like a child any way.

No, I said in many ways he is an adult but in other ways he is like a child.

Ok, but that's all irrelevant. It's your house. You get to set the rules. You are at the breaking point. Something *has* to change. But, it sounds like that you are unwilling to make a change. Not good.

You're an adult living in your own home. It's up to you but something has to be done. At least, set some boundaries on your private time.

Mr Awe

 

[JarodRussell]

because my son, i.e. the one who is intellectually disabled, keeps coming out of his room and 'regaling' me with less than riveting accounts of the Facebook game that he is currently obsessed with. I gather it is sort of a RPG where you build cities, form alliances and go to war with other alliances.

I have told him several times I am not interested. I have even snapped at him when he told me about it for the umpteenth time but he won't stop.

How should I retaliate

a) start going into his room and telling him about the exciting game of Farkle or Solitaire that I have just played on Facebook.

b) turn the modem off every time he does it

c) buy earplugs and just nod a lot if I know he is around

d) filicide

or do any of you have better suggestions?

Simple. Be interested. It's your kid. There's nothing worse for a kid than realizing that what he does doesn't interest you, and it's even worse when you're also working against it.

If he listens to music you aren't interested in, are you going to pull the plug, or tell him to listen to something else, too?

 

[Mary Ann]

Simple. Be interested. It's your kid. There's nothing worse for a kid than realizing that what he does doesn't interest you, and it's even worse when you're also working against it.

While this is good advice, I'm assuming that Miss Chicken's situation is somewhat like mine, though my special needs son is just 10 years old. My son has autism spectrum disorder so is well and truly obsessive about anything that interests him. This is the child who, after having read one of those fun-facts-for-kids books, followed me around the house for about an hour quoting what seemed like every damned fact from the book. He doesn't know when to stop, and needs to be told point-blank that I've heard enough, which hurts him. That's why I tend to feign interest after the first 5 minutes rather than make it clear that I'm not interested. This doesn't mean that I never listen to him, of course; we have some lovely conversations about train liveries and the city's bus routes and the status of Pluto (he's in the pro-planet camp) and such, but parents who live with the child 24/7 have their limits, no matter how much they love the child.

If he listens to music you aren't interested in, are you going to pull the plug, or tell him to listen to something else, too?

They're called headphones. And anyway I love Bob Marley's music, too.

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

How about directing his interests into something useful like DIY, housework, or gardening -- anything but sitting in front of a computer all night long. Or do you think he can only obsess about useless activities?

 

[An Officer]

^ I think this is an excellent point. Staying up all night doesn't sound like a very healthy idea at the best of times.

Having said that, sounds to me like he needs attention from you. Maybe a solid 10 minutes of listening intently to him each day might meet his needs? Maybe he would feel listened to, that someone is interested in his doings. Once he feels that, maybe he would feel less inclined to seek out this attention, which is so reluctantly given, in massive doses? A bit like a thirsty man and water, if you give him a full cup a day, he won't drink the entire bottle. I'm thinking quality rather than quantity here.

When a person shows a genuine need for something, I feel the humane thing to do is to give it to them, as long as it's not harmful, and you are able to do so. What does it hurt to listen to your son for half an hour each day? After all, he's a person, not a pet, he might want to talk sometimes, and it may not always be about something you are interested in.

I would look on it as an exercise in tolerance, and genuinely listen to him; he'll grow tired of this particular game soon enough, and perhaps he'll grow tired of your lack of knowledge about the game. I would probably tell him it's not happening in the mornings though, if you really need that alone time. If he can be adult in some ways, surely he can understand you prefer the afternoons or evenings for chatting. If it is too absolutely mind-numbing to bear, when you've listened to him for a little while, perhaps you could deftly turn the conversion to something that interests you both? That way, he still feels as though he has spent time and shared something with you.