Is it just me, or should some variant on the following have been in the Half-Blood Prince movie?
(And yes, I wrote it. Warning: not for hardcore Potterites.
)
Dumbledore: Harry, I need you to tease a memory out of Professor Slughorn. If not, countless people could die.
Harry: Why don't you ask him, then?
Dumbledore: Oh, no. He wouldn't answer me. He's embarrassed about it, see.
Harry: But "countless people could die."
Dumbledore: He's a Slytherin, remember? Doesn't care about anyone else.
Harry: Okay, why don't you offer to pay him for it? I'm sure you know a few wealthy trustees who wouldn't mind buying him a large house in order to stop Voldemort, and he seems like the type who enjoys having money.
Dumbledore: No, that wouldn't work. He feels lonely and adrift, see; a house'd just isolate him further.
Harry: Okay, then offer him tenure. I mean, he's qualified.
Dumbledore: Dammit, Harry, he just won't tell me willingly. Okay?
Harry: Then why not use a truth potion?
Dumbledore: They don't exist.
Harry: Yes, they do.
Dumbledore: No, they don't.
Harry: They totally do. They were all over the last movie.
Dumbledore: Oh! Right, those truth potions. Well, that'd be unethical.
Harry: To save countless lives? I'm not even talking torture here. Just a simple statement, and give him total immunity against self-incrimination.
Dumbledore: No, Harry, I think you should get it from him.
Harry: What, is he gay?
Dumbledore: I wish! No. Why?
Harry: Because I bet Hermione'd sleep with him if it could save countless lives. She's pretty selfless that way, and Ron's balls don't seem to have dropped yet besides. Or heck, you probably know some hot witches who aren't even underage who'd love to see his wand, especially if you got him that big house and tenure.
Dumbledore: For Fawkes' sake, Harry, it's got to be you, you, you.
Harry: Why?
Dumbledore: Because it's "Harry Potter and". Because you are the center of our whole universe. Because you must personally save the school every single year. Because you represent the kids in the audience, and if it doesn't directly involve you, they'll get bored, believability be darned. Because Rowling's making a lot of money on this series, and that's no reason to mess with a winning formula. Didn't you ever notice how the bloody weather turns to crap every time you have a bad mood?
Harry: Oh.
Dumbledore: Get it? "Chosen One" and all?
Harry: (pause) I thought it was our choices that mattered?
Dumbledore: No, only your choices. As in you. Nobody else matters.
Harry: Okay.
Dumbledore: Good.
Harry: (long pause) I'm pretty rich. Can I offer him money?
Etc.
(And yes, I wrote it. Warning: not for hardcore Potterites.
)Dumbledore: Harry, I need you to tease a memory out of Professor Slughorn. If not, countless people could die.
Harry: Why don't you ask him, then?
Dumbledore: Oh, no. He wouldn't answer me. He's embarrassed about it, see.
Harry: But "countless people could die."
Dumbledore: He's a Slytherin, remember? Doesn't care about anyone else.
Harry: Okay, why don't you offer to pay him for it? I'm sure you know a few wealthy trustees who wouldn't mind buying him a large house in order to stop Voldemort, and he seems like the type who enjoys having money.
Dumbledore: No, that wouldn't work. He feels lonely and adrift, see; a house'd just isolate him further.
Harry: Okay, then offer him tenure. I mean, he's qualified.
Dumbledore: Dammit, Harry, he just won't tell me willingly. Okay?
Harry: Then why not use a truth potion?
Dumbledore: They don't exist.
Harry: Yes, they do.
Dumbledore: No, they don't.
Harry: They totally do. They were all over the last movie.
Dumbledore: Oh! Right, those truth potions. Well, that'd be unethical.
Harry: To save countless lives? I'm not even talking torture here. Just a simple statement, and give him total immunity against self-incrimination.
Dumbledore: No, Harry, I think you should get it from him.
Harry: What, is he gay?
Dumbledore: I wish! No. Why?
Harry: Because I bet Hermione'd sleep with him if it could save countless lives. She's pretty selfless that way, and Ron's balls don't seem to have dropped yet besides. Or heck, you probably know some hot witches who aren't even underage who'd love to see his wand, especially if you got him that big house and tenure.
Dumbledore: For Fawkes' sake, Harry, it's got to be you, you, you.
Harry: Why?
Dumbledore: Because it's "Harry Potter and". Because you are the center of our whole universe. Because you must personally save the school every single year. Because you represent the kids in the audience, and if it doesn't directly involve you, they'll get bored, believability be darned. Because Rowling's making a lot of money on this series, and that's no reason to mess with a winning formula. Didn't you ever notice how the bloody weather turns to crap every time you have a bad mood?
Harry: Oh.
Dumbledore: Get it? "Chosen One" and all?
Harry: (pause) I thought it was our choices that mattered?
Dumbledore: No, only your choices. As in you. Nobody else matters.
Harry: Okay.
Dumbledore: Good.
Harry: (long pause) I'm pretty rich. Can I offer him money?
Etc.
