How would Kirk have handled the Ferengi?

[Neutral Zone]

Earlier this evening we watched 'Acquisition' on the Enterprise series. It's where the Ferengi tried to strip the Enterprise of everything. You have to admit that the Ferengi are a apin in the rear and each captain has their own way of dealing with them.

But Kirk and his crew never met them in all their travels. I was wondering what Kirk's,Spock's and the rest ofthe drews reactions would have been and how they would have handled them.

I think that Kiirk and Spock would played them at their own game for a while, and then somehow got them into the brig. Then transported them to the nearest earth colony for punishment. In many ways I think that Kirk would have treated them like Mudd or the Tribbles, either way I think that it would have been an amusing encounter.

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

I was wondering what Kirk's,Spock's and the rest ofthe drews reactions would have been and how they would have handled them

<snark>
Spock would have recorded every detail of them and their culture in the ship's log for the benefit of future Captains.
</snark>

 

[T'Girl]

First Kirk would have seduced "Moogie."
Kirk then thrashs the Ferengi captain with his fists.
Spock would use his neck pinch, first officer to first officer.
Uhura finds time to say she's frightened.
Scotty hangs on to the engineering grating for dear life.
Sulu looks over his shoulder from Kirk's POV.
Chekov reminds everyone that laissez-faire capitalism was invented in Russia (circa 1938).
Scotty gets the Ferengi engineer drunk.
Sulu chases the Ferengi troops with a sword (french foil).

and finally

Chief Kyle beams the ferengi into open space - maximum dispersal.

 

[Mysterion]

It would end with Kirk putting the Ferengi in the Enterprise brig, having charged the Ferengi an admission fee for the priviledge.

 

[Starbreaker]

Kirk could have beaten them at a game of Fizzbin.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Kirks pretty good outsmarting rogue AIs and Aliens with god complexes. With hijackers his records are a bit mixed. His ships been taked overr by androids, hippies, mail order brides and a variety of aliens. Some of whom actually got what and where they wanted.
He's also been known to send "badguys" on their merry way (Khan. The Kelvans). I'd say it would depend on the situation. A Quark type entrepreneur would be handled differently than a fully armed ferengi starship.

 

[Mysterion]

What if Kirk just sicced Harry Mudd on the Ferengi?

 

[Nerys Myk]

Harry would wind up as Grand Nagus.

 

[sbk1234]

A punch in the face, and a hard twist on the earlobes.

 

[Kelso]

Kirk would have offered the Ferengi the deal of a lifetime and beaten them at their own game while Spock made humorous attempts to act like a greedy capitalist.

 

[Admiral Shran]

If all else failed, there's always Kirk's trusted ace-in-the-hole, the flying butt-drop.

 

[Neutral Zone]

Harry would wind up as Grand Nagus.

Nah, Harry would have been outsmarted by the big lobes and land up begging Kirk to phaser him to put him out of his misery

 

[Timewalker]

First Kirk would have seduced "Moogie."

That's the first thing that I thought of!

And to outsmart the Ferengi, assuming Quark, Rom, Nog, and the Grand Nagus were part of this, Kirk would claim that he was so smitten with Moogie, that he must "acquire" her at all costs. What would the Ferengi want in return for Moogie?

This would result in a fight among the Ferengi, with Quark visibly wondering how much his mom might be worth, while Rom would oppose them, perhaps even saying he would defect to the Federation so he could stay with Moogie.

Finally, sanity prevails and the Ferengi realize they can't sell Moogie, even for the attractive items on the Enterprise.


Oh, and the B plot? One of the Ferengi sells Nurse Chapel a love potion, which he says is particularly effective when added to plomeek soup. Then he looks at her oddly and says that for some reason, she reminds him of a certain Betazoid ambassador - the Daughter of the Fifth House, Keeper of the Sacred Chalice of Riix, and Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed...

 

[Nerys Myk]

Harry would wind up as Grand Nagus.

Nah, Harry would have been outsmarted by the big lobes and land up begging Kirk to phaser him to put him out of his misery

He'd be married to a Ferengi woman who would make pine for Stella.

 

[Graywand2]

First Kirk would have seduced "Moogie."
Kirk then thrashs the Ferengi captain with his fists.
Spock would use his neck pinch, first officer to first officer.
Uhura finds time to say she's frightened.
Scotty hangs on to the engineering grating for dear life.
Sulu looks over his shoulder from Kirk's POV.
Chekov reminds everyone that laissez-faire capitalism was invented in Russia (circa 1938).
Scotty gets the Ferengi engineer drunk.
Sulu chases the Ferengi troops with a sword (french foil).

and finally

Chief Kyle beams the ferengi into open space - maximum dispersal.

Yep, that pretty much how it usually goes down in the TOS.

 

[Vonstadt]

Kirk would've been as frustrated and annoyed with them as he was Niles Baris in Trouble with the Tribbles. He would've been amused until such time he would've just said enough and bulldozed them into either shutting up or toss em into the brig.

Kirk wouldn't have put up with them for too long, in my opinion. He wouldn't have underestimated them but wouldn't take them or their demands that seriously.

Vons

 

[Mr Pointy Ears]

I think kirk would handle the situation like he always does,fight then ask questions later as for the ferengi well i guess he would turn the whip on them until they run back to their ship

 

[Nerys Myk]

Nah, he would have given a speech showing them the errors of their ways first. They would see he was right. Then back on the bridge he and McCoy would have a laugh and Spock would appear to be annoyed.

 

[Hofner]

Actually, the Ferengi WERE in TOS. Remember those short aliens that were greedily raiding the buffet in "Journey To Babel"? They were Ferengi. Why didn't they look like 22nd or 24th century Ferengi? A mystery except it has something to do with Augment DNA. Of course, real world explanation is lack of budget for the Ferengi makeup.

During the time they looked more hewmon the Ferengi were so ashamed of their ugliness they called themselves something else and no one knew they were actually Ferengi. Also, I believe Mr. Hengist was a Ferengi as well.

Robert

 

[Nerys Myk]

Actually, the Ferengi WERE in TOS. Remember those short aliens that were greedily raiding the buffet in "Journey To Babel"? They were Ferengi. Why didn't they look like 22nd or 24th century Ferengi? A mystery except it has something to do with Augment DNA. Of course, real world explanation is lack of budget for the Ferengi makeup.

During the time they looked more hewmon the Ferengi were so ashamed of their ugliness they called themselves something else and no one knew they were actually Ferengi. Also, I believe Mr. Hengist was a Ferengi as well.

Robert

So was the real Balok in The Corbomite Maneuver First Federation of the Ferengi Alliance is the full name.