I'm just exhausted. Intimacy sounds like a lot of work.
How to make friends?
- Thread starter Captain alex
- Start date
To me it's contextual, I'm naturally very tactile but certain people I just don't like having near me and I'm not even sure why. It's not that I'm necessarily suspicious of them or dislike them, some part of my brain just picks and chooses according to rules of it's own.
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We have a child now so friends that are physically present and have needs and their own timetables sound exhausting and impractical.
Getting together with my oldest buddy for some online gaming once a week is roughly the amount of scheduling I can see myself handling amongst, you know, life happening.
Getting together with my oldest buddy for some online gaming once a week is roughly the amount of scheduling I can see myself handling amongst, you know, life happening.
Yeah, but now our kids are older. It's great not to worry about getting a babysitter, or wondering is Grandma available?
It's been a long time. Finally we are free.
The again, we don't have any excuses when people ask us to go wine tasting, or to the theater, or any other bullshit.
Everything has an upside and a downside.
I say go to places relevant to your interests, online or off (easier online though), like this site.
Notice people that make posts you like, or those that respond to you and go from there.
Little harder to do this offline, but if someone proudly wears clues of their interests (pins, clothing, etc), that's a good opportunity to me to strike something up.
Notice people that make posts you like, or those that respond to you and go from there.
Little harder to do this offline, but if someone proudly wears clues of their interests (pins, clothing, etc), that's a good opportunity to me to strike something up.
I don’t make a lot of friends because I learned in all the years of being a young adult and growing into adulthood that people are buttwads and jerks and just want to hurt you. I may socialize here and there but I don’t actually make a lot of friends at work or outside of work. People are just awful and I prefer to make conversation and then hit the road. I still have friends from childhood and school but other than that, screw it. No point for me tbh.
I make "friendly relationships" easily enough, but I have no idea how to get to the next level. I have lots of people who seem to like me and enjoy talking to me or doing things with me, but I never get invited to anything, and I don't know how to get together with people. We always seem to have a good time, and say "we need to do something again!", but then nothing ever happens. I don't know if maybe I am doing something that turns people off and they are just faking it, or if people are just too busy, or maybe I'm pleasant but boring. I really do feel that these people enjoy my company and look forward to seeing me, so I really just don't get it.
I am just getting through a very unpleasant breakup, and right now need some kind of regular human interaction, even if it's virtual.
I am just getting through a very unpleasant breakup, and right now need some kind of regular human interaction, even if it's virtual.
I apologize for the second post in a row, but I cannot seem to figure out how to edit a message.
I wanted to add that since I work out of a home office, my social life is particularly bad. I don't even get to see people at work regularly. When I do go in (maybe once a month or so), there are plenty of people who come over to see me and say they've been looking forward to talking to me. So why don't they ever want to get together outside of work?
I wanted to add that since I work out of a home office, my social life is particularly bad. I don't even get to see people at work regularly. When I do go in (maybe once a month or so), there are plenty of people who come over to see me and say they've been looking forward to talking to me. So why don't they ever want to get together outside of work?
Wow, most of this post could have been written by me. But to make matters worse, I suffer from social anxiety, so it is difficult for me to open up to people initially. But once we do get to know each other, people generally seem to like me (for some reason, lol), but I totally get that comment about getting to "the next level". Most of the time, I do tend to blame myself... because of my difficulty in social settings and my introversion, I tend to think I just don't know how to "friend" correctly. (And it probably doesn't help that sometimes I just can't deal with people in general, and just want to cocoon at home by myself.) But on other days, I do also realize that the people I have befriended also have issues going on in their own lives too, and they are going to be wrapped up with those.
I am improving over the last little while... (a couple of years ago I would have never shared this type of personal information to begin with!). But I'm not where I want to be yet.
Good luck to you... I hope you are able to find what you're looking for.
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This upsets me too, to no end.
Even of MY friends, online or off, I notice this same thing. Where I'm always the one initiating everything, or I have metaphorically "twist their arms" to do what they themselves told me they would do.
The problem is, I feel, apart from just some people putting up a facade and not being that interested in talking or hanging out with me, is that I'm very high energy and passionate about a lot of things, whereas almost all my friends, introverts like me, are low energy and keep to themselves.
I don't think I've ever made a single friend that shares my high passion and gets just as eager or excited as I do, and man, I think I want that most of all.
My mentality is "You shouldn't have to force your friends to do stuff with you", because usually nothing good comes of it. Either you're not *that* close or don't click that well. Not saying you can't still be friends with those types, but it's definitely not 'best friend' material.
Edit: And yes, being able to edit posts is so nice. Just wait for 2 weeks.
Man, that is why I don’t hang with people anymore. I don’t know if it is a sign of depression or just the fact that I’d rather do something worth my time. For instance, do I go see a movie with friends (have a good time + happy + tired) or do I stay at home and educate myself (knowledge is power + not tired + loneliness)? 
Man, that is why I don’t hang with people anymore. I don’t know if it is a sign of depression or just the fact that I’d rather do something worth my time. For instance, do I go see a movie with friends (have a good time + happy + tired) or do I stay at home and educate myself (knowledge is power + not tired + loneliness)?
You should find friends who want to stay home and educate themselves alongside you as well; IE, have similar interests.
Not the ones only sated by you doing things atypical or exhausting for you, to appease only them.
Obviously that is the case if you view such interactions as "(not) worth my time". I wouldn't bother at all if it's not also to your liking. Not a solid friendship foundation.
That's the difference between a friend and an acquaintance.
Yes I think that is what It is now. Just acquaintances and not really friends. Too tiring to do what I used to do when I was younger. And also a little difficult finding people with my interests
Find places YOU really want to be, first. Once there, talk to people.
I find that's a good way to start.
The library!!!! 
I wonder how well that will do... I shy away from bars and functions like that because I def don’t want to end up chopped up in pieces in a canal somewhere. Oh and school! Once I start that is. What do you say when you strike a conversation? Just curious 
I wonder how well that will do... I shy away from bars and functions like that because I def don’t want to end up chopped up in pieces in a canal somewhere. Oh and school! Once I start that is. What do you say when you strike a conversation? Just curious
The library!!!!
You know, once upon a time, when I was a bit younger, I stewed over "Where do I meet girls that I like?" And apart from online or by total chance (or maybe a convention of some kind, that we rarely have), all that came to mind was also the library.
But I quickly wrote it off, not because it was untrue, but because "People are there to study or have business. You can't just go up to someone there and strike up a conversation". MAYBE a library in high school or a college campus, but not a public library.
I've been there since myself, due to computer business and everyone else also had similar business. Not that I couldn't strike up a conversation with the right timing with anyone, but I have to have that 'in', otherwise it just feels intrusive.
That's how I do it. I see they're on the computer, on a site I know, etc, or maybe have a pin of something I like. Knowing you have an 'in' means there's something relevant to actually 'discuss'.
I like to have actual conversations and not just back and forth, only-being-polite, replies.
I figured. I would never go up to somebody in a library of any sort. Dios mio, I think I am slowly becoming socially inept lol No, conventions are good way to meet people too but There are not a lot around here. Where do you go for meeting/making friends?
No, conventions are good way to meet people too but There are not a lot around here. Where do you go for meeting/making friends?
I don't think it's ineptitude as much much as basic courtesy. Nothing to be ashamed about.
You're better off being meek and unobtrusive than the hog who butts into everything that no one wants.
There's no place to go here for it in particular. I might get lucky whenever I'm out anywhere, but the chances are low.
I'd say the closest thing than a library would maybe be the park one afternoon, but I never see many people outside chilling with their cats at parks... Which is what I totally would do if I had one.
If I ever saw that though, especially a girl, you can be sure I'd go up and talk to her.
And actually, I read another post where you mention Pokemon Go. I never did that, but I'm amazed you didn't get to meet any friends doing that.
That's actually one of the best ways I can think of. You're out an about with others who share your same interest. Super easy to meet like minded people.
That's actually one of the best ways I can think of. You're out an about with others who share your same interest. Super easy to meet like minded people.
You probably can get away with having your cat at the park. I don’t know how leash laws work in your hometown but I know some towns require that they be on a leash. So that is a possibility
When I was in highschool and I had to walk to my bus stop, all my cats would follow me so everybody laughed and made fun of me. I had to walk them back home
I actually made a few friends that way.Similar threads
